


I love you just a little too much

by Flamme19



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BAMF Carl Grimes, Bad Parenting, Carl followed the dark path, Consensual Underage Sex, Fight with disability, Hurt Carl Grimes, M/M, Madness, Mentor Negan, Mentor/Protégé, Murder, Not just mentor/protégé, One-Eyed Carl Grimes, Oral Sex, Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Daryl Dixon, Protégé Carl, Saviors Member Carl Grimes, Saviors hierarchy, Season/Series 06, Shoot training, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:29:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 33
Words: 49,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27165262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamme19/pseuds/Flamme19
Summary: Negan knew well that bringing a one-eyed orphan among the Saviors was not the best idea. It was not a place for people who could not take care of themselves. But there was something about the boy, and Negan was going to find out what it was.
Relationships: Carl Grimes/Negan, Carl Grimes/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 57
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

Negan considered the day quite successful. The truck he was driving was full of nice things that people from the settlement Saviors had visited found for him.  
"Damn ... How much time is left?"  
Simon, who was behind the wheel, laughed.  
"We'll be there, boss. It's getting dark, plus ... What is it? "  
Negan looked at the road. A walker was walking along the side of the road, according to the first look, perhaps still a child.  
"Fucking bastard," Negan said, reaching for his weapon. "How about a little target shooting?"  
Although the truck drove relatively fast, Negan leaned out of the car window without hesitation and aimed his gun at the walker's head. One second to shoot.  
But then the truck suddenly jumped with a loud bang. With a loud swear, Simon yanked the steering wheel aside and stepped on the brakes.  
"What the hell are you doing!"  
"Sorry, boss, maybe a hole in the road ... Damn ..."  
Negan looked in the rearview mirror and realized that his target of practice shooting lay on the ground in the grass.  
"Go check the car. I didn't like that sound. "  
As Simon jumped out and began checking the car, Negan took a bat and walked closer to the walker. But what was his surprise when, when he came closer, he found out that it was not a walker but a child!  
,, What the hell ... What are you doing here? We almost ran over you! "  
Negan kept the part about the planned shooting to himself.  
It was a boy, according to Negan's modest estimate, maybe about twelve years? Dirty, skinny, dressed in old torn clothes. His greasy long hair covered his face. But Negan could barely overlook the dirty rag that had long ago been a bandage and covered the boy's right half of his face.  
,,So what?"  
The child looked around hesitantly, looking like a trapped animal. Simon suddenly appeared next to Negan and looked at the child skeptically.  
,,Not a walker? Where did he come from? "  
"I'm trying to find out... So, boy, are you here alone?"  
The child was silent. Negan noticed the boy watching the Saviors slowly climb out of the other truck in search of a reason for a sudden stop.  
"This is going to be useless ... I'm sure he has someone here ..."  
Negan doubted that.  
"Get back in the cars, we'll be out in a minute," Negan finally said to Simon and nodded toward the truck. Simon hesitated for a moment, finally just nodded and left.  
"Don't notice Simon, he's an old fucker," Negan laughed, squatting down to be closer to the kid. "I'm Negan. What do they call you?"  
The child was silent for a long time, Negan already thought he would not speak.  
"I ... Carl ..."  
His voice was raw and hoarse, as if it had been weeks since he had last spoken.  
"Carl, great," Negan nodded. "Do you have anyone here? Family, group?"  
Kid just shook his head. Negan reluctantly saw tears begin to fall from the kid's eye. Negan personally enjoyed this apocalypse to the fullest. But kids? How was this one-eyed kid supposed to handle all this himself? This just wasn't damn fair.  
"I see ... If you want, you can come with us. We have a safe place, a lot of people. Some work would definitely be found for you. "  
Kid visibly hesitated. And Negan was glad for that. It meant that the boy had at least some instincts to survive. He didn't overlook the empty holster on the gun tied to the boy's leg. It seemed that there might be some potential in the end.  
"What do I have to do?"  
Negan laughed at the question and rose from the ground.  
"Wash first. No offense, but you stink. Then we'll find you some clothes and find out what you can do. "  
To Negan's well-hidden relief, the boy finally nodded and stood up. Negan noticed that Carl looked really neglected. It must have been weeks when he had something good to eat. When they reached the car, Negan pulled an apple from one of the crates hidden in the back and handed it to the surprised Carl.  
"Just eat, when we get home, we'll give you something good. Get on now, we're leaving! "


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is here! Please for some feedback so I know how you like things so far :)

Negan ostentatiously ignored all the curious glances at him and the kid from the moment they got in from the truck in the Sanctuary. Negan immediately recognized how uncomfortable the kid's sudden attention was. So he led him inside, found the first free room with a shower, and pushed the kid inside. 

It took Carl about half an hour to finally feel at least a little human again. At first, he panicked when he heard the bathroom door open. But the older man's voice only told him that he had new clothes on the ground, and then the man left. 

Carl finally came clean enough to get out of the shower. He quickly dried himself with an old towel and took on new clothes. But then he angrily noticed that his bandage was missing. Finally, with a shaky exhalation, Carl combed his hair into his face and left the bathroom. 

Carl had no idea what would be waiting for him outside the door. He had never had much good experience with strangers in his life, especially since the apocalypse began. In the next room, however, only Negan was waiting for him, sitting at a small dining table on which lay a tray of food. 

Carl was hungry, so hungry. But he still stood at the bathroom door, at a safe distance from the stranger. 

The man, Negan, did not look surprised. He moved the tray of food toward Carl and pushed his chair away from the table. 

"Don't worry, it's not poisoned," the older man laughed. 

Carl wanted to remain careful, cautious. But the food smelled so good! 

Negan could barely stop his laught when he saw a kid swallowing food as if the next end of the world was approaching. Observing the kid at the food brought him other interesting information. 

Kid combed his hair on his face, but Negan wasn't blind to overlook the gaping hole where the kid's right eye was supposed to be. The whole wound looked barely healed and a little rotten. The whole kid coordination was a bit off. He didn't seem to have a chance to deal with his injury. However, the holster indicated that the shooting was no stranger to him. Negan doubted the boy could hit the main gate now. 

What good could such a child be in this world? 

"So ... what happened?" 

Carl literally froze. 

,,What?" 

It was suddenly clear to Negan that questions about the past would not be a good start. And so he quickly turned the subject elsewhere. 

"Where did you go on the road," Negan said. "Any specific target?" 

Kid seemed to calm down a little. 

"Shelter ... Walkers destroyed the old place. I had to run ... " 

"A house, a cottage?" 

"No, it was ... Such a shelter, little one..." 

Negan imagined a pile of sticks rather than a place where the boy could rest for a while. 

"I see ... Well, we'll definitely find a bed for you here. But you should see a doctor first. " 

,,Why?!" 

Negan sharpened. There was defiance in Carl's expression, his determination to fight. Maybe the kid wasn't a lost cause. So he tried to push a little, just out of curiosity. 

"I don't know if you noticed, but you have a hole instead of an eye. And I bet the injury didn't see disinfection for a few damn weeks. " 

Carl tossed the fork angrily on the table. 

"It's none of your business! I don't need anyone! " 

Negan had to laugh at the childish outburst of rage. 

"I'm glad to see you have some life left in you! Eat and rest, and the doctor will come to see you later. " 

Negan got up and left before Carl could object. 

Negan knew full well that the boy would not be very excited about visiting the doctor. But he did not expect a message from the doctor himself, who say him in horror as the boy tried to stab him with a fork. Negan was amused by the information, much to the doctor's displeasure. When the man left, Negan decided to visit Carl again in person. Maybe he could explain to the boy that the doctor wanted to help him, not kill him. 

A knock on Carl's door tore him from his thoughts. The day was the last time he had seen Negan and the man who claimed to be a doctor. Not that Carl wanted to believe him. He barely closed his eyes the next night. He still seemed to subconsciously expect some attack or danger. But nothing happened. Until now, in the morning, knocking. 

Carl barely managed to get out of bed when the door opened and Negan came in, accompanied by an older woman carrying another tray of food. Carl waited cautiously until the woman left and Nwgan closed the door behind her. 

"So, I talked to the doctor." 

Carl froze. Was Negan here to punish him? In retrospect, Carl had to admit that trying to stab the doctor was not the best idea. 

Negan sat down at the table and took a piece of bread. 

"I don't want a doctor," Carl muttered after a moment of tense silence. 

But Negan just shook his head relentlessly. 

"It's not a discussion. Have you seen yourself in the mirror? It looks fucking disgusting. " 

Carl crouched, hearing these cruel words. It wasn't his fault! 

Negan's expression softened a little after a moment. 

"Look, I get it. Something bad has happened to you and you want to forget it. But the wound must be treated. So we go to the infirmary. And then we'll go see if there is some work you can do. " 

Carl quickly noticed that it wasn't a question. But he didn't seem to have a choice. So he just nodded silently. 

Negan stood in the doorway of the infirmary, watching the doctor try to treat the boy's injury. After seeing the wound in the bright light of the infirmary, Negan couldn't help but feel a little sorry. This world was only for the strong people. How long could this boy, still a child, survive? It was certain that it would not be very long without a crowd of people around. 

But Negan could not afford to collect blind orphaned children at the side of the roads and take them to the Sanctuary. Saviors were raiders. They had to be strong and deserve their beds and foods. The Sanctuary was not a charity. Negan knew very well that many people around him did not like his wives. These women took the most and returned nothing to the community. No one else cared how good they were in bed, only that their share of food was the largest. It wasn't the best time to start caring for a crippled child. 

"Can you tell me how it happened?" 

Carl completely ignored the doctor's question. 

Negan just sighed irritably. He didn't have time for this. 

"Answer." 

The boy winced a little. 

"Gunshot wound," he finally replied quietly. 

The doctor grunted in displeasure and shone a flashlight on his wound. 

"That would explain a lot. The wound was treated quite primitively. Thanks to this, and the subsequent zero care, there is a fairly extensive inflammation. I have some antibiotics here, but ... " 

Unfortunately Negan knew well what the doctor was talking about. They could not afford to spend valuable medicine on unnecessary cases. 

"Okay, just clean it up, no medicine," Negan decided, ignoring the look of betrayal in the boy's eyes. 

For the first time, Negan had a plan to try to find a job for Carl. But the longer he talked to the people in the Sanctuary, the clearer it became that no one wanted to give up their work and part of food. The only place where people were missing was a group of people who went looking for supplies. Although many things were acquired from the surrounding settlements, it was still necessary to go out on your own. 

But Carl? The boy seemed to be able to trip over his own feet. What good would such a boy be to them? To make them a snack for the trip? Negan needed warriors, not cripples.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all kudos :) Next chapter is here!

"Will I die?" 

This question surprised Negan. They stayed with Carl in the infirmary while the doctor left a few minutes ago. 

,,What do you mean?" 

Carl pointed to his cheek. 

"He said there was inflammation ..." 

Negan had a wealth of experience with death. Mainly thanks to his love Lucille. But explaining to the kid that yes, he would probably die, it was a fucking job. 

"I'll tell you honestly. We have some medicines. But there's a hell of a lot of people working here every day. These people deserve it first. " 

Negan subconsciously waited for Carl to cry or get angry. That, after all, is what children do. But nothing like that happened. 

"I see," Carl nodded after a moment. "I ... I know there's not enough everywhere ..." 

Negan was surprised, and that often didn't happen. Where did it go in that boy? It's almost a shame to let him die ... 

Almost. 

"Is there a hospital or a pharmacy around here?" 

,,What for?" 

Carl shrugged. 

"I can go see it. Maybe I'll find something. I'm pretty good at it ... All I need is a map and some food ... " 

Negan was silent for a moment. 

"Do you want to go there alone?" 

Carl raised his anger in battle and looked Negan straight in the eyes. 

"I've done well so far! If I need medicine, I'll find it! " 

Negan had no idea whether to attribute the sudden courage to obvious adolescent stubbornness or fear of death. He personally bet on the latter. He has seen countless times what people are capable of just so that they do not die. On the other hand, why not. Either the boy succeeds, which Negan doubted. Or he will die and Negan will have one less concern.. 

Either way, it will be a win-win. 

"Okay ... That would work ..." 

Carl turned for the last time and looked at the closing gate of the Sanctuary. It all seemed like a good idea at first, but now that he was out and alone again, Carl was getting scared. He didn't even have a gun! Not that it would change anything. Carl knew well how miserable the shooter was now. Giving him a new gun and ammunition was a waste of time. 

Carl shook his head. These were unnecessary considerations. Instead, he looked at the map he was holding. 

Negan marked the place on the map where the headquarters of the transport company, which also distributed medicines, used to be. Two days on foot. Then Carl was given a compass, a small backpack with some food and water, and a pat on the shoulder. It was clear all along that Negan did not believe in his return. He could clearly hear the conversation of the men standing near him, opening the gate for him. Carl may have been a one-eyed cripple, but he wasn't deaf. It hurt to hear it. At first, Carl just wanted to run away and leave the whole factory behind. But where else would he go? There was nothing on the map he wanted to return to. And so he finally decided to go to a place so theatrically marked on the map with a big red cross. 

As he walked, he had plenty of time to think about what had happened in recent days. Carl was not naive. The Saviors did not look like a group of farmers trying to survive. He saw trucks coming to the factory and people unloading things from them. It was not possible to find so many things in such a short time, not with so few people. Then Carl saw the amount of weapons the Saviors had with them. 

Raiders. 

And the obvious leader, Negan, saved him. At least temporarily. Although it must have been clear to him that Carl was just a crippled child, he gave him a chance. Small and lousy, but it was still a chance. Carl tried to focus for a moment on what would happen if he succeeded. Could he get a new home? And would a place full of killers and raiders be called home at all? 

Carl sat under a rock overhang, listening to the sound of rain. It started to rain a few hours ago and it didn't look like it should stop any time soon. 

With a tired sigh, Carl pulled his backpack closer and looked inside. It didn't occur to him to ask for some extra clothes. His outer shirt was damp and clung disgustingly to his body. The T-shirt underneath that didn't help. The trip to the place was supposed to take two days, but with this delay it could take another extra day. 

Carl looked at the rest of the food and the last bottle of bottled water. It couldn't be enough. Before Carl could think of a plan to survive the following week, he heard something other than the sounds of rain. 

Voices. 

Carl put his backpack on his back and looked carefully around the corner to hear voices clearly. He saw a group of about five people heading for him. Two men, three women. He saw some weapons, but not much. 

"Are you sure there will be something?" 

The elderly man, Carl estimated him sixty, nodded and pointed north. 

,,Yes. It is an old transport center. They used to carry food, clothes and medicine. There must have been something left. I used to work there. " 

Carl gasped. Did they really go for the same goal? How was this possible ?! 

Carl thought quickly. He couldn't let them get there first. He needed the medicine. Not just for yourself. Shortly after leaving the Sanctuary, Carl recalled this when a local doctor talked about medication. If he could bring enough medicine, Carl was sure he wouldn't be just the almost blind poor kid for the others. And if food and clothes were supposed to be in place? Clear win. 

But they were five. And he was alone. So how to do it? 

Carl quickly adjusted the hair to his face for the last time and waited until the small group's footsteps came close enough. 

,,Help!" 

All he had to do was call three times, and Carl heard the footsteps quicken. 

A woman appeared first in front of him, asking about the destination. She aimed her gun at him without hesitation, but when she saw Carl, she lowered her gun. 

,,What happened?!" 

Then the rest of the group arrived. The older man, who was talking about the destination, came closer and leaned closer to Carl. 

"Boy, what happened?" 

Carl wiped his wet face with the sleeve of his shirt and shook his head. 

,,I'm lost..." 

One of the women smiled kindly and knelt on the floor next to Carl. 

,,Do not worry. Where are your parents? " 

Carl took a deep breath and raised his head fully. He noticed the woman's eyes widen in shock. 

"I lost them ..." 

The man shook his head in displeasure and looked around. 

"We don't have time for this ... We have to get to the place. We're in danger hele, open space... " 

The woman just shook her head. 

"Christ, Jack, it's a child! Do you want to leave him here? Look at him, he's so neglected ... Where were you headed? " 

With a shaking hand, Carl pulled a crumpled map from his pocket. 

,,Here. But I don't know where it is. Dad said it was safe there. " 

With bated breath, Carl watched as the woman took the map and showed it to Jack, the older man. 

"We're probably not the only ones ... But they have a map! We'll get there faster with her! " 

Jack nodded slowly and examined the map. 

"What do you say, boy, would you lend us the map? We're heading to the same place. Will we take you there and look for your parents? " 

Carl smiled a little and nodded. 

"I would be really grateful!" 

The band members introduced themselves to Carl, but Carl didn't bother to remember the names. When Carl explained the details of how the walkers group had separated him from his parents and he had fled to the woods, it seemed that the woman, Marry, who had first spoken to him, had decided to take care of him. She offered him some food, water, and stayed by his side. She asked about his past, about his parents. Carl answered the truth most of the time. It wasn't really a lie. He just left out a few details. 

They camped for the night at an old hut, which they came across along the way. Carl sat by the fire, eating a can of beans while the adults talked. 

"Maybe we'll be there tomorrow. The day after tomorrow at the latest. " 

Jack nodded and continued to clean his gun. Carl noticed that they only had three guns together. A pair of knives extra,maybe. Carl carefully hid his in his backpack. 

"I'm glad we didn't run into the bastards around here." 

Marry nodded grimly and picked up her own can. 

Carl was interested in the subject. 

"Who do you think?" 

"You don´t see them? The group in the trucks? " 

Carl put on a convincing confused expression and shook his head. 

"No, we haven't seen anyone. Who do you think? " 

"They call themselves Saviors," Jack said angrily, as if the name itself was a foul word. "Bunch of damn thieves... And their leader... " 

Jack shook his head and, with a deep tired sigh, set the gun down beside him. 

"He's a maniac. I saw with my own eyes that he literally gutted another man alive. He won't stop at anything ... " 

People around nodded, their faces full of fear and contempt. 

"Did no one try to fight them?" 

Marry laughed at Carl's question. 

"Fight against Saviors? There are too many of them. They have everything - cars, weapons, people, supplies. It's like a kingdom. No one dares to stand up to them. Whoever tried it, the Saviors killed them. " 

Carl nodded and watched as the conversation around the fire turned to another subject. But the thoughts in his head swirled like a race. Is that how people around saw the Saviors? Like an unstoppable death machine? 

Carl scraped the last food out of the can and looked at the people around him. He could always stay with those people. Marry looked like a very helpful and kind woman. She offered to help herself, Carl didn't have to say a word. 

But Carl wanted to live, not just survive.


	4. Chapter 4

The distribution center was much larger than Carl expected. It was a group of buildings, some administrative, the rest of a large halls, where they had apparently stored things before. Carl had to hold back so he wouldn't just run inside. Jack, who turned out to be the leader of this small group, but decided to set up camp near one of the office buildings. Carl, still trying to look like a frightened little child, just nodded and helped carry the wood. After all, it was true that night was approaching, and none of them had yet been able to get into any of the buildings without making too much noise. No one knew how many walkers there could be in the area. So Jack decided to wait until morning. 

In a few hours, the courtyard fall into darkness. The women remained in the corner with Carl while the two men went out on patrol. Carl lay on the ground, waiting for over half an hour before he was sure everyone was really asleep. Once he was really sure, he got up quietly, picked up his backpack, and looked around. 

He could just leave and try to search the building on his own. But there were walkers, Carl heard them. The only thing that kept them from getting to the group was a nearby fence. Carl pulled a knife from his backpack and tucked it in his belt. Just to be sure. But then his gaze fell on the knives and one gun that the group had left on hand next to their sleeping places. Something had to be done about it. 

Sneaking out of the yard was no problem. Once he was around the corner, he reached the fence as quietly as possible. He was a little surprised that the gate wasn't even locked. There was only a chain, wrapped around several times so that the walkers could not open the gate. The walkers themselves walked in the distance and showed no interest in the gate. Carl quietly unwound the chain and threw it to the ground. He knew he had to be fast. Jack and the other man could show up at any time. As soon as the gate was open, Carl looked around. And then he saw a ladder leading to the roof of a neighboring building. It could have been an ideal place to hide for now. Carl climbed up quickly, just in time to escape Jack passing by. As soon as he saw the open gate, the older man began to look around, a gun ready in his hand. Carl quickly pulled his gun from his backpack, which he stole, and fired twice into the air. 

The effect was immediate. Jack shouted. Most of the walkers standing nearby turned to the sound. When they saw Jack, they went after him. Jack fled and ran after the rest of the group. 

Carl watched with strange satisfaction as Jack tried to wake everyone as a group of about fifteen walkers headed for them around the corner. As soon as the group got to their feet, the walkers attacked. The fight was short. A few shots were fired, then the group fled through the main gate they had come through. Only Marry remained in place, while a few walkers eating her body. 

Carl took a breath and sat on the roof. He got rid of one problem. The group escaped, and Carl doubted they would return, mostly without weapons. Most of the walkers headed for the main gate, but Carl had no doubt that there would be plenty of them. He had a gun, several knives. He could handle it, couldn't he? 

Even though Carl thought Jack was just an old man who talked a damn lot, he took one thing to heart and waited until morning. In the morning, Carl looked around the top of the building, made sure there were no walkers around. Carl had a pretty realistic idea of how the fight with the walker would turn out, and he wanted to avoid it at all costs. Now that he was so close to success, he couldn't go wrong. 

By exploring the area, Carl quickly found one thing. And the fact that someone managed to lock almost every door that led to any building. Carl was incredibly frustrated. When he found the door open, it was clear from the first look that someone had forced in. And that meant that there was usually nothing left inside. When he found the third door and the empty room like this, Carl could only angrily kick the nearest thing that came in his way. He couldn't go that far and fail! 

After several hours of sneaking around the premises and avoiding the walkers, Carl got to the back, where there were large storage halls. If he had to find anything, Carl was sure it was here. But how to get inside? A big sliding door on rails led to the hall. There was no chance that Carl could open such a thing himself. So he began to walk around the building, looking for any sign of a way inside. But as soon as he reached the other side of the building, he stop in shock. 

On the other side was the same gate as he had seen in the front. Except this one was lying on the ground. It looked as if something had literally ripped it out! Carl couldn't imagine what it could be. Maybe a crane? A chain was attached to the gate. So in the end, maybe a big car? 

Carl stopped on the spot and looked at the ground, where tire prints could be seen in the mud. Carl never really understood cars, but this must have been a truck. The truck could definitely pull the gate out. Carl only knew one group so far, which had trucks, really big trucks. 

Carl slowly walked into the hall and looked around. Everything was empty. Only a few boxes remained in place. But whatever Carl looked at, they were all empty. Someone was here and took everything. 

"I didn't expect you to get here ..." 

Carl turned sharply and reached for the knife behind his waist. But then he saw Negan standing outside the hall. And then suddenly everything started to make sense. 

"You knew that ..." 

Negan shrugged, as if it were nothing important. With each second of disinterest, Carl felt a growing rage. 

"Why did you send me here when you knew there was nothing!" Carl shouted angrily. 

"I have to admit, I was fucking curious about how you're going to do. You were so determined to get here. I was a little surprised that it was no wonder that there was a place where there would be medicine and all those crap and Saviors hadn't visited it in a long time. But the better for me. It was enough to give you a map and send you here. " 

Carl felt the handle of the knife clutch in his palm. 

"You're a bastard!" 

"Am I? What about poor Marry? Who is to blame for her death? Playing an orphan who got lost in the woods ... Clever, damn clever Carl ... " 

"How do you know about Marry ?! She..." 

And then it all clicked into place, like a twisted jigsaw puzzle. 

"Did you follow me?" 

Negan smiled broadly and spread his arms. 

"Who can blame me. It was so tempting. Honestly, Carl, I've been waiting for everything. Running away, crying... But this ... Who would expect our little lost one-eyed boy to turn out to be such a little killer in making ... " 

"I'm not a killer!" 

,,No? So why did you let walkers on those poor people? Didn't you want to get your hands dirty? Admit it, it will be easier for everyone ... " 

Carl felt his heart pound in his chest at an alarming rate. He slumped to the ground. 

"It was never about finding medicine, was it?" 

"No," Negan nodded and walked closer. "I just wanted to see if you could be of any use to us. You know, a lot of people told me when you came in that you were useless." 

"So why haven't you kill me?" 

"It would be more productive," Negan agreed. "But then you almost stabbed the doctor with a fork. The others didn't see anything in it. But I saw the potential. So when you asked where to get medicine, I gave you what you were need." 

Carl saw nothing around him that he might need. 

,,What it should be?" 

"A chance to show up. You have shown that you can take care of yourself. Plus, you took advantage of the situation when you met the group. I expected you to run away with them, away from it all. But you used them for your purpose. It was so damn sweet to watch. After all, who wouldn't want to help a poor little wounded boy, right? You took advantage of it all, you took advantage of them. And so here we are. " 

Carl felt as if he couldn't concentrate on anything. A moment ago he was ready to fight for his life. And now? Was everything just a lie? 

,,What do you want from me?" 

,,Nothing. On the other side, I want to offer you something. And that's a chance. You can, of course, leave and fight your way through the world, as you have done before. Or you can join us. " 

Negan then turned on the spot and walked slowly out of the hall. Carl shook his head. He had a pretty clear idea of what Negan and his Saviors were. Murderers, thieves. These were not the people one wanted to have around you. But maybe, in this new world, things were a little different than before. 

Finally, with a sigh, Carl stand up from the ground and ran out after Negan.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for comments and kudos :) New chapter is here!

"Do you know who those people were? That group? " 

,,Depends on?" 

,,No, probably not..." 

The way back to the Sanctuary was quiet. As soon as they reached a nearby parked car and headed back, hundreds of questions raced through Carl's head. What will happen next, what will he do, what awaits him? But he didn't say any of them out loud. Maybe because he was afraid of the answers. 

Even after arriving at the factory, Carl did not speak. But he noticed the gazes of the people passing by on their way inside. When he left, he saw only contempt or disinterest. Now it was curiosity. How many people knew about this Negan little project? Or were they just surprised to see him back? Carl brazenly returned every look he received. 

"This will be your room now." 

Carl looked at the room where he had slept before. There was a small pile of clothes and a second blanket on the bed, otherwise everything looked the same. 

"I don't understand," Carl admitted after a moment's silence. "What do you want from me?" 

,, Saviors have many working groups. Everyone is working on something different. But there is currently no free places anywhere. The only ones where I need someone are people who come with me to nearby settlements or go looking for things. If you want to be here, join us, it will be your new job. " 

Carl blinked a few times. He opened his mouth to say something. Then he closed them again. 

He and join the heavily armed soldiers Carl saw in the yard? 

"I see you're literally fucking wordless with that plan!" 

"How could I join them ?!" 

Negan's face grew serious. 

"Don't you want to? After all, I can always end your suffering ... " 

Carl didn't want to ask out loud about the meaning of this sentence. 

,,What should I do?" 

"Finally a good question," Negan nodded, his iconic wide smile back. 

It reminded Carl of a shark. 

"Come on, let's walk to the shooting range and see what we're working on here ..." 

The shooting range was a smaller room somewhere inside the factory. Carl didn't have time to find out which stairs he was going to go to, so he just obediently followed Negan. As soon as they got inside, Carl stood at the counter and looked at the target that hung on the wall opposite him. It looked almost like the police shooting range he had known in the past. 

But the past was not what Carl wanted to think about. He turned his attention to Negan. The older man stood beside him, drew his gun, and quickly fired three times without hesitation. All shots hit the target right in the middle. 

Negan looked too arrogant for Carl's taste. 

"I think that's how it should look like. I need you to be able to hit anything I point to. " 

"I'm not going to shoot anything you point to," Carl said dismissively. 

Negan grinned. Carl saw a clear threat and challenge in his eyes. 

,,No?" 

Carl lowered his head. He couldn't face that look, not yet. 

,,Good..." 

Without hesitation, Negan handed him the weapon and pointed at the target. 

"Be my guest ..." 

Carl realized that it had been a long time since he had last shot at something with the intention of really hitting the target. He picked up his weapon, checked it, and aimed. But as soon as he did, he realized how his hands were shaking. Damn ... 

"I hope the holster you have is not just for decoration," Negan commented in a soothing voice. 

"No, it wasn't," Carl growled, gripping his weapon tighter. 

"Then why aren't you shooting yet?" 

Carl realized that he would not receive any support from the man. He therefore turned his attention back to the target. He could do it, even with one eye. He aimed for a moment until he was sure and pulled the trigger. 

The bullet burrowed into the wall a few inches from the target itself. The shooting range itself was filled with the sound of Negan's amused laughter. 

"Wow ... Either you're a really terrible shooter from birth, or the loss of one eye is worse than I thought ... This sucks." 

Carl lowered his weapon and exhaled. Couldn't the man be quiet for a moment? At least one damn moment! 

"Well, I think exercising here would be just a loss of ammunition. Looks like we're going to have to come up with something else ... " 

Negan went back to the door without looking back. Carl secured the gun, hid it in a holster on his leg, and followed. 

Not a day went by when Carl returned to the Sanctuary with Negan and Carl already felt that the man was playing with him again. Instead of the expected shooting training, Carl stood in a lounge, surrounded by women whom the man had declared his wives, trying to hit a target that hung on the wall. Carl had no idea how throwing darts could help. 

The room itself was nice. Something like from catalogs and magazines they had at home before everything. However, Carl never expected Negan to have more than one wife. Who would need more than one wife at all? All the women in Carl's eyes looked almost the same - combed, painted, nonsense. Apparently they were an exception in Negan's speech about "either be useful to the community or die". Carl had no illusions that the only place these women were useful was the bedroom. Disgusting. 

Carl tried to ignore them all and continue to practice. But he couldn't help but notice the looks most of the women around sent him. Disgust, regret, resentment. Whenever Carl saw something like this, he tried harder to hit the target the next time he threw it. But the truth was that he had not yet been able to hit even the target itself. Apparently it was all much worse than he could admit. 

How could Negan think that throwing darts would make him rider and help him loot settlements with Negan and a bunch of other cold-blooded raiders? Maybe it was just big words when he told himself he could do it? But what else could he do? There was no place for the weak in this world. It was like some perverted gang war he'd seen on TV before. Carl thought that joining the strongest gang, which the Saviors certainly were, would keep him safe. But joining and fighting were two different things. Carl hoped he would have to work in the kitchen, in the garden. He saw a greenhouse that people had built here. But no, it must have been the only place in the front line of the fight for which Carl could only see half. 

It was tiring. He was there that day and he was tired of the charade. But what else could he do? He knew that if he said no, Negan would send him away. At best. He still hoped he didn't want to kill him. But who knows, people like Negan weren't sure. 

Negan could easily pretend to listen to the gossip of his two wives as he watched Carl across the room. Throwing darts was as bad as shooting a gun. Negan noticed that Carl confiscated Negan´s gun for himself. Maybe he felt more confident with it? Not that he could shoot anyone with it anyway. 

The boy was like a sheet of paper. A little crumpled, torn. But it was still possible to smooth it out and write an amazing story. But was that Carl's case? He would need so much time that someone would have to devote to him. Weeks and weeks of practice, exercises, learning new things. It was a lot of energy and an uncertain outcome. On the other hand, he had nothing better to do now. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to train a little obedient soldier. With the appearance of an abandoned orphan, he could obviously get wherever Negan needed. It would be good to have own people in some settlements. 

Alexandria come first on his mind. It wasn't long ago when he introduced his system there. The local leader was not a very strong woman, she would rather submit than risk a fight. Nevertheless, he heard about a new group that had recently joined them. Maybe it didn't change anything, maybe it did. But he couldn't find anything closer until he had one of his people in place. Carl would be perfect. He could pull out his tale of a lost orphan again, enchant his way inside the settlement, and settle down comfortably. But the whole thing had one flaw. 

Negan knew well that Carl was not as loyal to him as he needed to be. They knew each other for a few days. He needed the boy to trust him enough to send him to the other side of the world and be sure that Carl was doing what he had there. 

But those were the plans for the future. When Negan saw another of the darts flying from the target directly into the wall, it was clear to him that the whole thing would be a very distant future.


	6. Chapter 6

Negan had it as fun at first. Just sit, half talk to one of your wives and watch Carl try to finally hit the target with the dart. But now it had been at least three weeks since the kid had lived in the Sanctuary, and the success was as zero as it had been in the beginning. What used to be fun has slowly become living suffering. Negan would expect Carl to give up. But not. He came here every day, ideally in the evening, when most of the wives went to their rooms and practiced. An hour, two, until it was dark. Then he left. And the next day he was back. It was true that the boy had nothing else to do. But even so, it would be admirable if it weren't so pathetically sad. 

So once Negan came into the louge room and found only Carl fighting with darts, Negan decided to step in. 

,,So how is it going?" 

Carl's expression twisted into anger. 

"I know it's lousy! You don't have to make fun of me! " 

Negan raised his hands up. 

"I come in peace!" 

Carl snorted and threw another dart. Next again, even he was getting a little closer. Maybe in half a year he will finally be on target! 

Negan looked carefully at the target. The target itself looks like new from shop. The surrounding wall, on the other hand, looked like a damn colander. 

"It won't go on like this," Negan muttered, more to himself. "Did you try not to aim?" 

Carl lowered his hand to another dart and looked at Negan incomprehensibly. 

"How not to aim?" 

Negan pointed at the target. 

"When you aim at a target, you haven't hit once. Maybe if you try to aim somewhere next to the target, you will find the right place and you will hit. " 

"That's bullshit." 

Negan laughed at that. Carl seemed to respect Negan most of the time. Which was good. But at times like this, especially when they were alone together, Carl was more of a stubborn boy than a future member of the Saviors. It was a little refreshing, Negan had to admit. Carl did not kneel before him, he was very happy to tell him what he thought at times. Negan was glad Carl knew when to talk and when to keep his mouth shut. The last thing he needed was speculation about letting the boy talk to him so freely. 

"Okay, try it. If it's bullshit, I'll admit it. " 

Carl stared at him suspiciously for a moment, as if assessing whether it was worth trying. But in the end, he just sighed and raised his hand with the dart again. Negan saw a sharp moment as Carl headed for the center, then moved his hand slightly to the right. Finally, he threw the dart at the target, and to Negan's surprise, the dart stuck into the very right edge of the target. It was very far from the middle but it was still a fucking success! 

"See ?!" Negan shouted happily, patting the shocked Carl on the back. Finally! 

"I didn't expect that," Carl admitted in a weak voice, his eyes still on the target. 

"Probably because you can't see the right side," Negan shrugged, and went to the bar to pour himself a glass to celebrate. ,,Now you can go to the shooting range." 

"Why are you in such a hurry?" 

The question surprised Negan. He set the bottle open on the counter and turned to Carl, who stood beside him with his arms folded. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"I heard you," Carl said coldly, leaning closer. "When you talked to Simon. What he said ... Wait, what was it? Your little pet project?" 

Negan found himself without words, and that really didn't happen often. 

,,How do you know?" 

Carl grinned and shrugged. 

"I heard you. I heard everything. I was close. " 

Negan's thoughts were like a race. He remembered the conversation, it was a few days back. Simon wanted to know Negan's plans with Carl, Negan tried to play the corner, saying that Carl was such a side project. Simon told him very figuratively what he thought of the chances that a one-eyed handicapped boy could join them. It was just a little rougher. They met outside, behind the factory, actually by mistake. How could Carl hear them? Where was the boy hiding? Negan wondered if it was worth trying to think of anything. If the boy heard them ... 

"I'm interested in one thing. You're telling me how I can improve enough through training and all this shit to join you. You told him you felt sorry for me and you had me as an adopted dog. Where is the truth? " 

Negan didn't expect Carl to know all this so quickly. Rather, he knows it for a long time and does it like nothing all the time. 

"You have to understand," Negan began cautiously, "that there has never been anyone like you among the Saviors. Yeah, we have women and children here, but none of them usually go out. Only if they're worth it. And there aren't many. Send you there with not being prepared enough If you go out and something happens because you miss one beautiful blue eye, it may cost you your life but it will cost me a reputation. I sent a more stronger and more capable people away than you are. Everyone will want to know why they couldn't stay and you could, even if you failed. That's why you can't fail. " 

Carl was silent for a moment. 

"I don't know if I should trust you." 

That's what Negan expected, just because of the fun with the distribution center. 

"I think there's only one way to find out." 

Carl knew that. He knew from the beginning that Negan was different from all the people Carl had met in his life. The conversation he had with Simon only confirmed this. 

Carl thought about that day and night, as he lay in his bed and the factory fell into darkness. Should he trust Negan? Or did he lie? And was there any way to find out? 

The truth was that Carl had a good time even with the ever-tiring daily practice of aiming and endless dart throwing. He has good food, clothes, bed. It was more than some people had out there since the beginning of the apocalypse. But he seemed to have to prove soon that he deserved all this. And even though Carl tried to pretend he didn't mind, he admitted in the safety of his room that he was afraid that day. Yes, today's target hit was like a blessing from heaven. But it was a dart, not a bullet, and it wasn't even in the center. Carl doubted he would impress anyone with this. He knew very well that when he went out, he would not shoot at the targets visible on the wall. He shuddered a little as he thought about what he would shoot at in the future. 

But no one had mercy on him either. The hole in his face and the ugly scar on his side were indelible evidence of that. No one cared that he was just a child. First a silly accident in the woods. And now his eye? He should be a cripple, dependent on the help of others. Even his family decided that it was not worth it ... 

Carl shook his head and wiped his weeping faces. That was the past. He had to focus on the future and secure a good life. Even if it meant shooting at anything Negan could point to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With a little delay, there's another chapter! Thank you all for the beautiful comments :)

Thanks to his determination to secure a new and beautiful life, Carl met Arat. The woman terrified Carl, and it became another of the many things that terrified Carl. There was a pretty long list of them. 

It seemed to Carl that Negan no longer enjoyed accompanying him to the shooting range and back, so he commissioned Arat. 

According to Carl's estimate, the woman could have been in her thirties. Tall, darker skin, gun, knife. That was Arat. And also an absolute lack of patience. Whenever Carl failed to hit the target on the first try, he received a contemptuous look and teasing remarks. 

"It can't be that hard! All I want is for you to hit the target! " 

Carl gritted his teeth angrily and replaced the magazine. Every time. Every single time. Carl had no idea if he had a greater desire to shoot Arat or rather himself. 

"I didn't ask for some jerk to shoot my eye out of my head!" 

Carl was expecting another sarcastic witty comment. Surprisingly, there was silence. 

"Did someone shoot you?" 

Carl shrugged and aimed at the target again. 

"What did you think happened? I thought you all knew that. " 

Arat shook her head slowly, it was clear in her eyes that she was processing new information. 

"Negan didn't talk about it. He didn't tell us anything about you. " 

That was a little relief for Carl. He didn't need a tragic story to spread about him. 

Carl continued to practice. As he followed Negan's advice, his results improved. It still wasn't perfect, but at least it hit target. He tried different ways. Head a little to the left, to the right. 

"Who did this to you?" 

,,Depends on?" 

"If that happened to me, I want revenge." 

"He's dead," Carl shrugged, Ron's face in front of his eyes as he fired. "There's no one to take revenge." 

"But someone must have been there with you. You probably didn't treat the wound yourself. " 

Carl was surprised that Arat, after weeks of Carl's stay at the Sanctuary, was the first to ask. 

"I did. They were there with me when they shot me. Then they left " 

Carl was surprised again to see something like understanding on Arat's face. 

"Life sucks," she said at last, nodding at the target. "Show me the best, then let's see what needs to be improved." 

Carl spent another two weeks shooting at a target. Although he had improved a bit and could at least hit the target, the displeased look on Arat's face made it clear that that would not be enough. And his fears were finally confirmed. 

That morning, Arat appeared in Carl's room and sat down at the corner of the room without a word. Carl noticed that she was holding a large backpack. 

,,We need to talk." 

It was immediately clear to Carl that something was wrong. 

,,What's happening?" 

Arat sighed and looked around the room. 

"I talked to Negan. You ... You have to leave. " 

Carl was silent. He knew it. Even though he prayed, he hoped it would never happen, somewhere in the corner of his soul he knew it was coming, He was just not good enough. 

Arat looked uncomfortable. After watching the room for a moment, she finally looked into Carl's eyes. 

"I made arrangements with the people in the kitchen to pack some food for you. As well as clothes and other things. You can do it until you find something else. And also..." 

Arat reached into her jacket pocket and then tossed a box of medication onto the table. 

"For that injury. One pill a day and it should be fine. " 

Carl blinked in confusion. Where did the ´need to earn medicine´ go? 

"Did Negan allow it?" 

Arat shrugged. It was strange to Carl that someone so loyal to Negan was now so determined to break the rules. 

"We see some things differently. You have a future Carl, you just have to wait. But I think you can do well. " 

Carl had no idea what to say. He was surprised by the trust from someone like Arat. And even more destroyed by distrust of Negan. He thought Negan would help him. 

,,What should I do?" 

"Not far from here is a large settlement, Alexandria. I think you could have a decent life there. " 

Carl felt his throat tighten. Alexandria? Should he go there? But did he have a choice at all? 

"I was expecting something else," he finally admitted quietly. 

"Me too," Arat nodded. "But Negan has a lot of demands and ideas for how things should work. Not everyone lives up to his expectations." 

"Do you think there's anything I can do?" 

"I don't know ... No one sees Negan in his thoughts. Maybe in a few years, when you're older, you can try to come back. But not now. " 

Carl nodded. There was nothing else he could do anyway. 

Finally, Arat surprised Carl with her last farewell gift. As they were a short distance behind the gate, hidden from the view of the people in the yard, Arat reached into his jacket and handed Carl a walkie-talkie. 

"What for?" Carl asked in surprise. 

"If anything happens, stay in touch. Something really bad. I always turn it on after dusk, for a while. Do the same, save energy. " 

"You don't have to worry about me," Carl said shakily, strangely scattered by the care Arat had shown. 

"I just don't agree," Arat muttered, shaking her head. 

Carl nodded in understanding. 

"I'll be fine," he nodded again, taking a few steps back. "Maybe I'll see you later." 

"We go to Alexandria often," Arat grinned. "Try to stay low for a while and it'll be fine." 

Carl really tried to believe it. All the way back to where he promised he would never return. He didn't want to go back there, to see the people, their looks full of regret and condemnation. But he had nowhere else to go. He couldn't afford to stay outside, just take care of himself. 

Carl thought of Negan. He hadn't seen him since their last conversation, not even now, on his departure. Did he really care? Or was it supposed to be another perverse test of what Carl could bear? And should Carl have tried or should he forget all about it?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are again! Better soon than later :)

On the way to Alexandria, Carl had plenty of time to think about everything that had happened so far. Even about what should happen. It was immediately clear to him that he had to hide his stay with the Saviors. Maybe a fictional group? Maybe he could use the names of those he met on the way to the shipping depot. From his heart, Carl hoped he would never see those people again. 

Although he tried not to think about it, to avoid the subject, his thoughts kept coming back to the Saviors leader. Maybe it was just another test after all. Why else would Negan praise Carl so much before and help him? He could have left him there by the road, starving to death. But he took him home, gave him food and clothes, and in return he wanted nothing. Just like when he sent h into the unknown for non-existent drugs. The moment Carl saw Negan in the hall, he was so upset. He felt cheated. But when he heard Negan's praise, he felt something else, something he hadn't felt in a long time. And that was pride. It had been a damn long time since he had done something on his own without anyone giving him advice or help and then he was praised. What's more, praise from someone as strong and powerful as Negan was all the better. 

Carl tried to keep all thoughts of the older man as far away as possible. He must have had a clear head and a good story about how he survived. Don't deal with your feelings. 

Alexandria looks just as Carl remembered it. After all, not so much time has passed since the last visit. When Carl reached the main road, he saw two men standing on the gallery of the high fence. As soon as they saw him, one disappeared from sight while the other leaned over the fence. 

,,Who you are?!" 

"Carl Grimes!" 

Carl tried to look as neutral as possible, ignoring the distrustful look the man was watching him. 

"Rick's boy?" 

Carl just nodded. He didn't want to answer any more. 

The man eventually disappeared too, and in a few moments Carl heard the creak of the main gate, which began to open slowly. As a larger gap appeared, Rick appeared, followed by Daryl. As soon as they saw Carl, they both ran to him. Carl let himself be hugged, hands along his body. He closed his eyes tightly, hoping the moment would end soon. 

,, Carl! I thought ... Where have you been! " 

Carl looked at Daryl, who was standing nearby, avoiding Carl's gaze. 

,,What do you think? That I'm dead? " 

Rick's smile faded in the blink of an eye. 

"Carl, it's not like that. You were unconscious, you don't know what was going on there ... " 

Carl shook his head. He may not have known what happened after the shot, but he knew well what happened when he woke up, alone. 

"I don't want to hear about it," Carl said. "I'm back to have a place to stay, that's all." 

"You can always stay here," Daryl said, nodding toward the gate. Carl nodded and walked past Rick without another word and headed for the settlement. 

As he walked through the settlement, it didn't take long for Carl to notice the people who had literally stopped on the spot and looked at him. Carl did his best to ignore them. After all, that was one of the things Saviors learned first. Ignore it all - looks, remarks, insults and ridicule. He knew full well that if he didn't give them the reaction they were looking for, they would stop. 

Finally, he stopped at the house where he used to live. But suddenly the thought of sleeping in the same place seemed disgusting. He would like to find his own house, a cottage, whatever, just so he doesn't have to be here. But for now, he finally came inside. Now he has found a safe place to live. There was plenty of time to come up with a plan for something better. 

To Carl's amazement, Rick didn't try to talk to him again. In fact, no one tried. Carl visited Judith on the way to the room, spent some time with her for a while, and then hid in his old room. Daryl finally found him there, and after a short knock and without waiting for a answer, he entered. 

"Hey, boy." 

Carl nodded and sat on the edge of the bed. Daryl sat on the other end and was silent for a moment. 

"Rick's worried about you." 

"There's no reason," Carl replied, trying to keep a slight tone. "I'm fine." 

Daryl nodded. Carl was always grateful that at least Daryl had never treated him like a small child. 

"I had no idea that ... Everyone said ..." 

Carl knew what Daryl was talking about. 

"Did you leave me there too?" 

"Damn, it was crazy. Fire, walkers. Rick took you inside, I stayed outside, there were a few of us and we tried to keep those bastards away from the house. Then Rick came out and started repeating that you couldn't do it. I couldn't go look inside, we all started running. When we finally got back to town and got him back, you were gone. I thought Rick took care of it. I didn't ask. He mourned, he didn't want to talk about it. " 

Carl wanted to believe so much that Daryl was lying to him. But he knew that Daryl was the last person to lie to him. Daryl had never lied to him before. 

Carl closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the awful sound of walkers around him, the warmth of the fire. He didn't understand how he could get out of there. 

,,What do you want from me?" 

"Nothing," Daryl shrugged. "I just wanted to see if you were okay. It's great to have you back." 

Carl nodded, Daryl returned the nod, then left. 

Carl hid the walkie-talkie under the bed, tangled in an old shirt. He had a terrible urge to call Arat, just to hear her voice and remember the Saviors. But he remembered her words. Only if he was in danger. And here, in his room, at the end of the day, only danger here was danger of crying. He didn't want to be here. Every time he saw someone from their old group out of the window, the people who were out with him that night, he felt sick. 

Judith became one of the things Carl cared about in the days that followed. He played with her, went with her to a remote part of Alexandria, where no one else was. She was now the only person Carl missed after all. He didn't want to be separated from his little sister. He could still make sure she had a better childhood and life than he had. 

Rick joined them during one such sitting outside on the grass. Carl intended to flee, but Judith made things a little harder in his arms. So he stayed on the ground and Rick sat down next to him. 

"Have a nice day, isn't it?" 

Carl just grunted. Judith slipped out of his arms and began plucking the grass around her. 

"Carl ... I wanted to talk to you. I know you think we left you there, but you have to understand ... " 

"What do I need to understand?" Carl snapped. "You left me. I was almost dead, and you left!" 

"They said you couldn't do it!" 

"So you left? Just like that?" 

Rick rubbed his face in a shaky sigh. 

"I didn't want to see how ... How you become ..." 

It was nothing for Carl. Just empty words around him. 

,,What? You could have checked it! You could have waited! You left me lying there like some food for walkers! When I woke up, there was fire everywhere! It took me almost half an hour to get to my feet and bandage the wound myself! Do you know how much it hurt? How much blood was there? I thought I was going to die there! " 

"I'm sorry, okay? But damn, Carl, it looked awful! He shot you in the head! I've been a cop long enough to know the consequences of such a thing! I knew that even if you survived and managed to heal, you would never ... " 

Rick paused at the word, as if suddenly aware of what he wanted to say. He didn't say it out loud, but Carl knew it anyway. Because he's heard it from someone else. 

"Because crippling like me would be useless, right?" 

Rick was silent, but the look in his eyes told Carl everything he needed to know. 

"You're a hypocrite," Carl snapped, taking Judith in his arms and standing up. 

"You let me die there, you didn't even have the courage to shoot me in the head. Just like with mom. " 

"Don't talk about Lori!" 

,,And why not! You weren't there! I had to watch my mom die! I had to shoot her! " 

Judith, apparently nervous at the screams around her, began to cry softly. She was always a quiet girl, even when she was crying. Carl hugged her tighter and kissed her hair. 

"You were a child," Rick muttered in a broken voice. "You don't understand ..." 

"Yeah, I was a kid," Carl repeated ironically. "So where have you been?" 

Carl didn't want to hear any more. He just left, swinging Judith in her arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to this meeting, it seemed as if people in Alexandria began to avoid him. Not that it bothered Carl. He had a place to sleep, he had something to eat, that was enough. Daryl eventually became a welcome company, who seemed to have almost no information about the whole incident. Carl had no desire to confide in Daryl what had happened that night. He told him he had survived, found help, and got together. Daryl nodded, and neither of them talked about it anymore. Instead, Carl began spending time with Daryl and watching him. The man may not have been the best company to talk about at first look. He spoke little, sometimes almost never. Instead, he was able to show Carl the most interesting things. How to get somewhere without drawing attention to yourself. How to kill a doe with one merciful stab and not let the animal suffer. These were things Carl had never been interested in before. But now, Carl felt like it was his new me. It was as if his whole life had changed on that terrible evening. So now, instead of hanging out with Enid, he spent time with Daryl learning everything the man was willing to teach him. 

Daryl didn't have to talk much, but he still looked strangely pleased, as if he were glad someone was interested in what Daryl was doing all day in the woods. 

"Nobody cares much," Daryl shrugged as they headed into the woods, as they did almost every other day. "I'll bring meat, that's enough." 

Carl knew that mainly the people of Alexandria didn't like Daryl very much. Maybe prejudices, maybe his appearance. Daryl was the type of person you needed to find your way to. And Carl knew that only few people had tried so far. 

Carl felt that the fact that he knew Daryl well could help him with many things. Daryl was a literal well of knowledge he hadn't learned in the Sanctuary. And so, in the end, Carl decided to ask directly. 

"Daryl?" 

"Yes?" 

"Would you teach me to fight?" 

Carl expected to hear objections. Maybe convincing Carl that wasn't right for such things. 

"With a weapon, without it?" 

Carl fell on the bed and closed his eyes in relief. Everything hurt. Every muscle in his body. Even the muscles he didn't even know had. 

Daryl took the training seriously. They met every day, doing what Daryl had just thought of. Fighting with bare hands, with a knife (in this case a wooden knife, Carl didn't want to end up with a hole in his stomach). Carl tried to remember everything Daryl had told him. How to dodge , where to hit to get the other person to the ground. Carl was strangely fascinated by how many vulnerabilities there were in the human body. 

"I talked to Rick." 

Carl knew it. He saw Rick several times as he watched where they were going. And he knew that his dad always tended to dig into things around him. 

,,What did he say?" 

"He asked what we were doing." 

"And what did you tell him?" 

"That you want to learn to hunt." 

"Thanks," Carl smiled. 

Daryl nodded and continued to clean his crossbow. 

,,What are you planning to do?" 

Carl raised his head and raised a questioning eyebrow. 

"You've never been interested in all this. Now you're back and ... it's changed. " 

Carl wondered how to say it all without revealing something he didn't want. 

"When I was out there, alone ... I wasn't safe ..." 

"None of us are," Daryl murmured, setting the crossbow aside with one last thoughtful look. "But you must know how to defend yourself. This was what Rick was supposed to teach you a long time ago.” 

Carl knew that. He remembered every moment he was hurt, when he was defenseless. If it weren't for the help of other people, he'd probably be dead many times. Carl hated the feeling of having to rely on strangers, being in their eyes just the child they had to take care of. 

His thoughts slid to Negan. Was he just a child in his eyes, too? Or did he see something more? 

Carl has noticed a change in the behavior of the people of Alexandria in recent days. As if they were more nervous, frightened. Carl had no idea what was going to happen. Rick went with several people to look for supplies, this time taking Daryl with him. Carl planned to spend his days off with Judith. But one day like that, about two days after Rick left, Carl finally learned why people were so nervous. 

Carl was on the street at the time. He wondered if he would go to Judith's or just go for a walk in the woods to clear his head. But when he got to the gate, he saw several trucks parked behind the gate. people came out, all armed. And at their head Simon, by his side Arat. 

Carl stood still, unable to move. He remembered that Arat had warned him that the Saviors would show up for their share. But so soon? What was he supposed to do? Should he have hidden? What would the Saviors do if they found out he was here? 

Carl hid. Just like when he played hide-and-seek as a little boy. 

The Saviors went around the house, collecting their stuff. Carl was so forced to hide in the woods, not far from the main gate, so they wouldn't find him. He couldn't imagine how the Saviors would react. And he didn't want to risk it for sure. 

But when he thought he was safe, he heard footsteps behind him, muffled by the forest floor. 

"So you arrived safely." 

Carl turned quickly to see Arat. He finally breathed a sigh of relief. 

"God, I thought ..." 

"Don't worry, no one has seen you," Arat nodded and sat down next to Carl. "Are you okay?" 

Carl nodded with a slight smile. 

"Yeah, it's fine ... I'm trying to learn as much as I can, you know, for later." 

"So you still want to join us?" 

"Why wouldn't I?" Carl asked incomprehensibly. 

It was his goal, and Arat must have known. 

Arat shrugged and nodded toward the settlement. 

"I expected you to change your mind when you see what we're doing here." 

"I know what you're doing," Carl said. "But no, I haven't changed my mind. I ... I think Saviors are a good chance to learn a lot, you know ... There are a lot of experienced people ..." 

"You mean someone in particular?" 

One look at Arat's amused expression was enough for Carl to feel something he hadn't experienced in a long time. 

He began to blush. 

"What the hell do you mean!" 

Arat smirked and leaned against the trunk of a tree. 

"I don't know ... When you were with us briefly, you received a lot of teaching from an experienced person ..." 

Carl shook his head sharply. No, not this! 

,,I do not know, what you mean..." 

"So you're not trying to learn all this shit so you can impress Negan?" 

Carl was silent. But he knew full well that silence was sometimes the greatest consent. 

"Ah Carl ... You know Negan isn't exactly the best thing for little boys like you, do you?" 

"I'm not a little boy," Carl muttered humiliatedly. 

Was he really that obvious? He thought he kept his thoughts on Negan firmly to himself. How did Arat know then! What betrayed him ?! 

,,How..." 

"Carl ... You're blushing like a damn schoolgirl. I've only known you for a while, but you don't look like the type who walks around and blushes at random older men. " 

The truth was, except for Enid (and it was just a few meetings), Carl had never been interested in anyone. After all, it was the end of the world. It wasn't exactly time to plan a date. Before, when everything was okay, Carl was a child. He grew up at the wrong time. 

But could anything from his past or present life prepare him for meeting someone like Negan? The man was like a freight train, sweeping away everything that stood in front of him. Did Carl, a young teenager discovering himself, have a chance? 

,,I do not..." 

"Calm down," Arat waved, saving Carl an unnecessary monologue. "There's nothing wrong with that. There's an apocalypse. Everyone's doing what they want. If that's your dream goal ..." 

Carl preferred to nod silently. He had no idea what to say. 

"I'll go so they don't start looking for me. The offer is valid, if anything, call. " 

Carl nodded again, then watched quietly as Arat disappeared through the trees.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter? We shall see!

,,How are you doing it?" 

Carl lowered his crossbow to the ground and turned to Daryl, who studied him thoughtfully. 

,,What do you think?" 

"You shoot well. Not quite well, but for that ... you know what. I didn't expect you to be so good. " 

A wave of pride spilled over Carl like an ocean. He loved when his hard work and effort paid off. Although it was only in the form of praise. 

But how to explain those days full of shooting training in the Sanctuary without revealing anything? 

"I ... I guess it didn't affect me that much ..." 

Daryl just muttered in disbelief. Carl preferred to take another arrow and try to draw the crossbow himself. 

He had to be more careful in the future. 

"Where is everyone going?" 

Daryl pointed to their house. 

,,Consultation. Rick wants to talk to everyone. " 

Listening to Rick speak was literally the last thing Carl was interested in. He hadn't spoken to him, not since the meadow meeting. Rick sometimes seemed to want to talk to Carl, but Carl always managed to disappear quickly. It was enough to hang out for a while longer. 

On the other hand, Rick did not convene a meeting during the time he took over the leadership in Alexandria. Did something happen? 

When Carl entered their house, the living room and kitchen areas were full of people. Carl hid all the way back so he could hear. 

"It can't go on like this!" 

"They're bastards!" 

"We have to do something!" 

"All right, all right, calm down," Rick shouted, drowning attention of screaming people around him. "We have to do something!" 

"It's not just us," said the older man to Rick's left. "Hilltop reports the same thing. They took almost everything from them last time!" 

This statement sparked another wave of shouting and cursing. Carl didn't have to hear who people were talking about - it was far too clear. 

"I know," Rick nodded grimly. "We have a plan. The Saviors are due to get to Hilltop tomorrow afternoon. According to locals, they run regularly and on time." 

"Do you want to wait for them there? Assault them? " 

Rick nodded resolutely. Carl noticed that Daryl, standing a short distance behind him, did not look happy at all. 

"We need to let them know that we will no longer suffer their attacks," Rick continued. 

People around him began to shout enthusiastically. But then they fell silent, and a young woman stepped forward, tears in her eyes. 

"We've already done this, you know? Do you think it didn't occur us to defend yourself without you? And do you know what happened then? It wasn't just the Saviors who came. He came with them too! " 

It was as if someone had flipped a switch. The people stopped smiling and fell silent. 

,,What do you mean?" 

This became very interesting for Carl. 

"Negan!" The woman shouted. 

Carl noticed that several people were twitching. 

"You mean their leader? Don't worry, he's just another person! Do you know how many such so-called leaders I have met? " 

The woman completely ignored Rick's soothing. 

"My friend stood up to him, just like you want. And do you know what he did to him? " 

Rick shook his head. Several people around him began to fade. 

"He killed him," the woman sobbed. "He beat him to death!" 

Rick had nothing to say. The people around nodded in agreement. Seeing the fear, just of the words about Negan, was breathtaking for Carl. What kind of man must it be when people are afraid only at the sound of his name? 

"I understand it was hard," Rick said at last. "I'm just asking for volunteers. If there are as many of us as possible, we can beat them!" 

People looked conflicted now. Some nodded, some did not. The crying woman began to cry even more. 

Carl spotted Daryl, who discreetly walked around the crowd and disappeared through the back door. 

Carl waited until the last rays of the sun remained visible in the sky. He hid in the most remote part of the settlement, away from houses and people. He couldn't risk being seen or heard. Finally, he took a walkie-talkie and called. 

,, Arat? Can you hear me?" 

There was silence for long minutes. Carl tried several times, but to no avail. 

"Damn, Arat, are you there ?!" 

"You're talking more and more vulgarly," came a mocking voice. 

Carl breathed a sigh and sat down on the floor by the fence. 

"God, I thought it didn't work ..." 

,,What's happening?" 

"Are you going to Hilltop tomorrow?" 

There was a dead silence for a moment. 

,,How do you know?" 

"The people of Alexandria want to surprise you ... It's because of how you took things here ..." 

,,Suprise? You mean attack? " 

Carl nodded eagerly, though Arat could not see him. 

,,Yeah! They want to wait for you there! He knows when you will come, how many ride you! I don't know where, but they want to do it tomorrow! " 

"Fucking bastard," Arat swore softly. "I knew it. They looked too upset. But that they put together a plan so quickly ... Who's in charge?" 

Carl swallowed. Reporting an attack was one thing. Give the second name. But they'll see Rick there anyway, right? 

"Rick Grimes ..." 

"That bastard?" Shit ... All right, I'll do something about it. You keep low, right? Otherwise they will eat you there alive. " 

"Don't worry," Carl nodded softly. 

"Carl ... You did a good thing, okey?" You helped us. " 

,,Good..." 

The walkie-talkie clicked. Carl bowed his head and leaned against the fence he was sitting at. 

Did he really do good thing?


	11. Chapter 11

Along the way, Arat thought about everything she heard. She hoped it was all true, really. If it doesn´t , she doubted Negan would ever believe her again. 

But Carl apparently had no reason to lie. Plus, the people of Alexandria really looked upset. Their new leader, Grimes, had a reputation as a former cop. He seemed capable enough to stage a small rebellion. 

Arat stopped in front of the door to Negan's bedroom and took a few breaths. She knew Negan didn't like being disturbed when it got dark. She ignored the reasons why. Arat had an opinion on the group of whores who were called herself his wives. But it wasn't her place to comment. So she finally knocked and clasped her hands tightly behind her back to suppress her nerves. 

After waiting a moment, the door opened and Negan appeared. 

"Who do I see! Arat, I was just thinking of sending someone for you! " 

,,I..." 

Arat was a little surprised. 

"I've got some information," Arat said at last, following Negan into the room. 

Negan pointed to the chair where Arat sat down and sat down on the couch opposite. Arat did not miss Lucille, who was lying on the table. 

"Tell me, I'm fucking curious!" 

"Tomorrow, on Hilltop, an attack is planned, on us ... Apparently they are people from Alexandria ... They are to be led by Grimes, the new leader who took over in Alexandria ..." 

Negan grumbled. His attitude showed nothing to suggest that he was interested in the information. Arat felt her hands tremble slightly. 

"So they want to attack us." 

Arat nodded. She hated it. For years, she worked to look like a tough and rough woman for others. She return every hit she received, twice. But when she was in Negan's presence, she felt so powerless. She looked up at him and understood well what Carl saw in him. Although her feelings for Negan never went to a romantic realm, she respected him. He was the most important person in her life. But he was also the man Arat feared the most. 

Arat usually could read people like someone reads a book. Most could not pretend, they could not lie. It was this ability that got her here, among the best of the best. 

But Negan couldn't be read like a cheap magazine. He had so many layers and moods that he was like a damn puzzle. And that's why Arat was afraid. Because she never really knew Negan's attitude. And the absence of any reaction at the thing she just said was frightening. 

"I think you understand that I will want to know the source of that information." 

"I ... A few people in Alexandria don't fully support Grimes, and they ..." 

,,Enough!" 

Arat paused, her lips tightened to keep from poorly whining. Negan was suddenly on his feet, Lucille in hand. Arat felt sweat trickle down her back. What happened? Why the hell was he so upset !? 

,,You lie to me." 

,,No! Negan, you know I would never allow myself ... " 

Lucille's thorny end was on Arat's shoulder, and Arat fell silent a second time. 

"You're lying. And do you know how I know that? " 

Arat just shook her head. 

Negan reached into his back pocket and tossed something on the table. When Arat looked, she realized everything. 

Medicine bottle. The same one she gave Carl when he left. The antibiotics he needed. 

"Imagine how irritated I was as the doctor told me that someone was in the drug store stealing. I thought I would find the man and make him an example to others. Then the doctor told me what medication was missing. So tell me. What do you know about the little brat stealing here before he left? " 

Arat swallowed in fright. God. Negan thought Carl stole it, not her. Was it better, worse? What was she supposed to do? She knew full well that once Negan found Carl, he would punish him for it. 

"I suggest you talk, Arat," Negan said coldly. "Tell me why the hell you let the boy wander around alone, get to the infirmary, and turn it into a self-service!" 

Arat closed her eyes tightly for a moment. Usually, she would have no problem throwing her mistakes at others to avoid punishment or suspicion. But now? 

"It wasn't Carl," she muttered at last, opening her eyes and raising her head so she could look Negan in the eyes. "It was me." 

Negan paused, visibly confused. 

,,You? Damn, what did you think! " 

Arat shook her head. 

"The boy needed it. We have enough! I couldn't ... Let him die. " 

"That's the way it is," Negan grinned, setting Lucille aside and sitting back on the couch. "Do you care about him? Did you want to play the mother of an abandoned orphaned cripple?" 

Arat's mouth tightened so she wouldn't say something she didn't want. Carl didn't deserve this. But she knew firsthand how cruel Negan could be just because of his words. 

"The boy can do more than we both know," she said at last, checking her tone carefully. 

,,Oh, yes!. Because one-eyed orphans now rule the world, "Negan nodded and laughed ironically. 

"He told me," Arat snapped, anger seeping through her words. "He found out about the attack and told me." 

Negan stopped laughing. At that moment, Arat thought that not only had she laid her head on the log, but she had told Negan where Carl was. 

"So he escaped to Alexandria ..." 

Arat nodded defeated. 

"That little son of a bitch ... So he hid in Alexandria and pretends to be just a poor little kid while selling information to us?" 

Arat just nodded. That's what it could be called. The main thing was that Negan looked amused rather than angry. 

"Okay, okay ... How did he connect with you? Tell me everything. "


	12. Chapter 12

Carl was nervous all day. His new crossbow training was canceled as Daryl left with Rick and about twenty other people for Hilltop. Carl had been walking around the house all day, changing attention between Judith and looking out the window toward the gate. 

What if Arat didn't take him seriously? He was a child. She might have thought he was making it up. Maybe she was just nodding to keep him quiet. 

Carl shook his head. No, Arat wouldn't do that. It was she who gave him everything to take care of himself after leaving. If she wanted to get rid of him, she could shoot him in the eye and leave. She wouldn't risk it for him. 

It was several hours after two cars full of people left Alexandria to fight for a better life. Carl finally hid in his room, unable to find anything that could fascinate him for more than five minutes. He just had to wait, hoping everything would work out. But what was actually a good result? 

But then he hear it. Cracking. 

Carl quickly jumped to the floor and reached under the bed to pull out a walkie-talkie. 

,,Hello? Arat? " 

"Well hello there, Carl ..." 

Carl gasped. 

Negan. 

"Negan ... I ..." 

"Imagine that I had a great conversation with your dear Arat. You know, friendly chat - drug theft, lying, and so on ... " 

"What did you do to her," Carl asked shakily. 

"Do you care?" 

Carl closed his eyes tightly. He knew it. This couldn't last forever. 

,,It matters to me! Damn ... What did you do to her! " 

"Such a hero," Negan sneered. "What are you going to fucking do? Will you find me? Are you going to save her?" 

Carl felt his throat tighten, as if he were about to start crying. Did Negan really hurt Arat? But in the corner of his mind he knew that Negan could do anything, literally anything. 

There was another laugh from the walkie-talkie. 

,, Such a spirit …" 

"Please," Carl sobbed. "What are you ..." 

"Don't worry," Negan replied, and Carl might have imagined it, but his voice suddenly sounded softer. "Arat's fine. It was damn tight, I admit, but she had some ... interesting arguments." 

Carl felt a wave of relief. He was glad she was okay, so damn much. 

"You're a fucking interesting case," Negan continued. "Maybe I shouldn't have sent you away in the end ..." 

Carl rested his head on the mattress of his bed and exhaled. What the hell was he supposed to say? And how come Negan managed to get under his skin in just a few words? 

"What should I do?" He finally asked. 

"So obedient," Negan growled with a smile in his voice, and Carl bit his lip, trying to calm his mind and body. "Tell me ... Why are you doing this, huh?" 

"I want to go back," Carl said quickly. 

,,Why?" 

Carl swallowed. He had millions of reasons in his head. 

"I ... For safety ... It's a bad time, oudside..." 

"Umm, Carl, that sounds a little weak," Negan said. 

"I want to learn," Carl said softly, unsure if Negan would hear him at all. 

"We're getting close to the truth ... I bet there's a whole hell of a lot of things you have no idea about ... Do you think Arat can teach you that? Or should someone else do it? " 

Carl swallowed. 

"Or should it be me? I can think of millions of fucking things I could teach you ... " 

"Please," Carl whispered, hating how defenseless he sounded. 

"Um ... Keep doing what you're doing ... We'll see where it gets you." 

Carl laid the walkie-talkie on the floor and took a deep breath, trying to calm his wildly beating heart. 

What the hell did he get into? 

The return of the people to Alexandria was strange. Carl was expecting anything. Dead people, wounded, screaming, crying. He didn't see a single one. 

The two cars returned about an hour after Carl spoke to Negan. As soon as the people began to return to their homes, Carl slipped out of the house and came closer to hear Rick and Daryl talking. 

"I don't get it," Rick said wearily, sitting down the steps of the outdoor porch. 

Daryl sat down next to him, silent. 

"They were supposed to be there ... Why didn't they get there?" 

Carl crouched lower and got a little closer. He had a good place around the corner to hear everything. 

"I don't know," Daryl murmured. 

"Damn this ... Never mind. Let's wait. When are they supposed to get here? In two weeks?" 

Daryl nodded again without a word. 

,,Good. We're getting ready. " 

Carl played the conversation in his head like a pesky song from a commercial that night. 

So the Saviors didn't show up at Hilltop. Carl's first thought was relief. He was glad no one was injured. On the other hand, what did it mean? It didn't seem likely to Carl that Negan was scared. Carl didn't think Negan was afraid of anything at all. But he must have a plan. 

Thoughts of Hilltop and the attack reminded him of today's walkie-talkie conversation. It seemed even more confusing than the events of the rest of the day. 

The first thought led him to Arat. He really hoped that Arat was really fine. After all. Negan could lie to him. 

But did he have a reason? Carl felt that if he wanted to, Negan could begin to tell the details of how he could hurt Arat. Instead, Negan reassured him. 

And he encouraged him. He wasn't upset ... Or so Carl hoped. Carl didn't want Negan to be angry with him. He still couldn't quite figure out why. He kept trying to say that it was all just a struggle for survival. Find the strongest predator in the area and join him. But was that so? 

Carl lowered his crossbow to the ground and looked at the target attached to the tree. Three shots, and all roughly in the middle. It was a success. He wouldn't have hit the target a few weeks ago. 

"Good," Daryl nodded and drew his arrows toward the target. 

Carl took the arrows back and inserted one into the crossbow. 

"Daryl?" 

"Um?" 

"Have you ever been in love?" 

Daryl was strangely silent all day. But now he smiled at least a little. 

"You don't want me to tell you about bees and flowers, do you?" 

"No," Carl muttered, setting the crossbow on the ground. "It's just ... There aren't many examples around ..." 

"I guess I won't be good at it," Daryl muttered after a moment's silence and sat down. 

Carl nodded encouragingly and sat down next to him. 

"You met my brother, Merle ... We've never had a normal life, and no love affairs at all." 

Carl could understand that. He didn't remember Merle very well, but he knew he was a very difficult man. 

"What's wrong with you, huh? First shooting, fighting, now love ... " 

Carl tried to act as carelessly as possible. 

"I'm probably getting older." 

That had earned Daryl a laugh. 

"Damn boy ... No, really. What's happening?" 

"When ... When I was gone, you know, after all, I found one group ... They helped me ... And I met someone ..." 

Carl didn't really know why he was telling Daryl all this. The more information he said, the better his chances of being told. But Carl needed to talk to someone. With someone who will listen to him, who may even advise him. 

"Why did you leave them?" 

Carl sighed. 

"I couldn't stay there. So I left. But ... I'm still thinking about him ... " 

,,Him?" 

Carl was silent. 

"Carl, I don't care who it is," Daryl said in a sincere voice. "Girl, boy, wha care... But falling in love with someone at this time ... People are dying, "Daryl added darkly, a veil of hair covering his frown. 

"I know ... I didn't expect it ... I don't even know why I'm still thinking about him ..." 

"Like I said, I know shit about relationships. But I know it may not make sense. Importatnt is if you're happy. "


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is here :) Thanks for all support commenst!

Carl expected a little that Rick was planning another frantic attack. But it seemed, after the last fiasco, when there was no one to fight against, the mood of the people of Alexandria had changed a bit. Complaints about the Saviors raids disappeared, and the people returned to their usual jobs and hobbies. It was quite interesting for Carl (not that he had anything better to do). As if people didn't really mind. someone will come, take away most of the things they have been looking for and collecting for so long. But the Saviors left, and the next day the people acted as if nothing had happened. Or was it different? 

Carl wandered a lot during the day. Unless he was somewhere in Daryl and practicing shooting or fighting, he simply walked around Alexandria. He found that most people simply ignored him. From the day he returned from the Sanctuary, Carl had not put the bandage on his face again. That led to only one thing - no one looked him in the eye. Apart from Daryl, who had probably seen a lot of disgusting things during his life, Enid even began to avoid him. It was like a coin - on the one hand, Carl had a little bad fun with how he could only disturb the people around him with his presence. On the other hand, he was alone. Daryl had his own life, his duties, whatever he did when he wasn't with Carl. And Judith, though she was his sister, was still a toddler. Carl lacked the presence of someone he could really talk to, confide in. 

How many times did Carl think back to the past. He had tried to recall his life before, before the end of the world. But the harder he tried, the more he realized that he remembered almost nothing. He couldn't remember the faces of his former classmates, school teachers, neighbors. Sometimes he didn't remember his mother's voice. He tried to remember only the good. But the first thought that always came to mind when he thought of his mother was a mother lying on the ground in blood. 

Whenever he remembered it, he hated Rick a little more again. He couldn't understand how he could have left him in that with her. How could he allow him to see such a thing as a child. 

But his mom was unfortunately not the first or the last. Carl remembered Shane. Carl still remembered the feeling of aiming his weapon at a man he thought was a friend. Or at least he was Rick's friend before Rick was shot on duty. 

Carl was a child then, but he was aware of Shane's appearance at their homes. At first just to visit. Then for dinner. Then overnight. Carl may have been a child then, but he wasn't stupid. And neither deaf nor blind. Even then, thanks to the poorly closed door and their inattention, he discovered what sex was. 

Not that he understood that much then. But as time went on. It became part of their group life. Especially when Maggie and Glenn got together. Sometimes they just disappeared, came back in a long time. 

Sex. Under the word, Carl recalled the first experience of meeting a group of people called Claimers. But Carl always tried to suppress the memory quickly again as deeply as he could. Only the feeling of a larger body crushing him to the ground made him sick. 

No, he didn't want to experience this anymore. Carl was determined to do anything to keep the thing from happening again. Really anything. 

Could it ever be different? If it were consensual? Carl had no idea who he could talk to. He had no idea if he even wanted to talk to anyone about it. It never occurred to him that the question of relationships and love and sex would be interesting to him. Yes, Enid was certainly an attractive girl. But when he talked to her, he didn't feel the spark of desire, the butterflies, or the other shit Maggie had told so much about. She was just a pretty girl, that's all. 

Carl had no idea how anyone like Negan could change that. Carl did not feel the spark of desire or the butterflies. He literally felt a tidal wave of emotion whenever he saw the man, maybe just thought of him. Just remembering their last conversation, Carl felt the strange tension inside his chest. Carl couldn't name or justify why he felt that way. It just was. And it was nice. Logically, Carl knew that a man like Negan would never be interested in him. Adult men are not interested in teenage boys. But Carl could still hope, and when he was alone, at night, in his bed, he could imagine. 

After all, it was an apocalypse and Carl could do whatever he wanted. 

Carl thought everything would be fine by Saviors's next arrival. But then he once found Daryl, who, instead of the usual monologue about what they would do that day, sat on the porch, his right hand bandaged. 

"What happened?" Carl asked, startled. 

"Don't worry," Daryl murmured. "I was hunting yesterday and I fell. My wrist is down." 

Carl was relieved that Daryl was otherwise okay. He knew the man never wanted to admit that something hurt. And to be honest, Carl really got used to Daryl. 

Carl sat down next to Daryl and pulled his shirt closer to his body. The weather began to cool, and he still wore only the clothes he had received from Arat. 

"Who's going hunting?" 

Daryl grinned and nodded to several people walking around Alexandria. 

"Do you think anyone's going to do this?" 

Carl sighed. The people of Alexandria were more interested in finding food, cans and growing vegetables. But Carl was used to hunting meat whenever Daryl managed to catch something. It seemed more practical to him than just relying on remnants of the old world and carrots. 

"Maybe," Carl began hesitantly, "maybe I could go ..." 

,,Where?" 

"On the hunt!" 

Daryl was silent. Carl tried to keep his eyes fixed. 

"Do you want to go hunting? Alone?" 

Carl shrugged, still trying to look pretty confident. 

"Fresh meat would be nice, wouldn't it?" 

Daryl was silent for a moment. In the end, he just nodded. 

,,Okay. You know where it is. " 

Carl couldn't believe his luck. He made his way through the forest, slowly, quietly, looking for anything he could shoot to eat along the way. He wasn't sure how to take the meat home yet, but it was secondary. Carl imagined finding a doe. Or maybe a deer? How much did a deer weigh? 

The rustle of leaves told Carl that he was not alone. He crouched quickly and looked from behind the tree at the forest clearing, not far from him. And then he saw it - a rabbit. 

Carl just rolled his eyes. It was not a deer. But probably better than nothing, right? 

Carl slowly raised his crossbow, rested the stock of the crossbow on his shoulder, and aimed. It was still a bit of a weird feeling, other than holding a rifle. But Carl learned that the crossbow was better, quieter. 

One shoot was enough. The rabbit howled and fell dead on its side. 

Carl exhaled and lowered his crossbow. He went to the rabbit. He pulled the arrow out and wiped the bloody end on his trouser leg. 

It wasn't bad, he thought as he tried to draw his crossbow again. The first rabbit and the first shot. Daryl would be proud of him. 

Carla was quite sorry that they never found another crossbow anywhere. This was Daryl's and it simply belonged to him. 

Carl had been in the woods for a long time. Eventually, he managed to catch two more rabbits. He finally tied his catch with a rope and threw it over his shoulder, as Daryl had taught him. Carl was in a really good mood. He couldn't wait to show Daryl his catch. However, when he reached the house where Daryl lived, he stopped on the spot. 

Daryl and Rick stood in front of the house. Carl didn't need to listen to see that it was an argument. 

"You can't do this," Rick shouted, his face contorted with anger. 

Daryl was silent. Carl realized with a strange sting in his heart that he was obviously too used to being yelled at. And so he was usually silent. That was not fair. Daryl stood for more. 

,,What's going on?" 

Rick turned quickly to Carl. 

,,Here you are! I was scared!" 

Carl snorted cheekily. 

,,Sure. What is this all about? " 

"It's a hunt." 

Carl turned in confusion to Daryl, who was looking at the ground, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. 

"What about hunting? He succeeded, look, "Carl added proudly, pointing to the rabbits. 

Daryl nodded in agreement and took the rabbits. Carl wanted to return his crossbow, but Daryl was already leaving. 

Carl looked away from Daryl, who had disappeared inside his house, and turned to Rick. 

"Don't yell at him. He's not a dog, "Carl muttered. 

Rick threw up his hands. 

"How could he let you into the woods alone! Do you even know how dangerous it is there ?! " 

Carl raised an eyebrow questioningly. Really? Dangerously? 

,,Really? I didn't notice, "Carl snapped sarcastically. 

"Carl ... I understand you're upset ... But you're still my son! And as my son, you have to respect me! I just want the best for you! " 

Carl laughed coldly. 

,,Clearly. I don't have to respect you. You deserve respect. Don't force it. " 

"You have no idea how hard it all is," Rick said, sighing wearily. "I have to take care of everyone, protect them!" 

"No one's stopping you," Carl shrugged. "Protect who you want." 

"But how am I supposed to protect you if you don't listen to me!" 

"I don't need to protect anymore," Carl said. "Those times are over," he added, then headed for Daryl to his house, leaving Rick behind.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for new support comments! :) You guys are the best! Christmas is coming so I try post some more before holiday starts :)

Carl sat in silence in a wooden chair, watching Daryl pull the rabbit out of its skin. 

"It's a good catch." 

Carl nodded silently, his thoughts too far from his first hunt. 

"He shouldn't have shouted at you." 

"Rick is tired," Daryl said quietly, throwing away his first skin. "She's worried about Maggie." 

,,What is wrong with her?" 

"We don't know. She has a fever, pain. We don't have the medicine. " 

"What is Rick planning?" 

,, He wants to take Maggie to Hilltop. They say they have medicine there and a doctor. " 

Carl nodded and handed Daryl the other rabbit. Interesting information. 

Daryl's wrist was obviously not just bumped, as the hunter had been blaming all along. Whenever Carl saw it, he felt really bad, the whole wrist was strangely swollen, red, the skin was hot to the touch. And so the first hunt became the second and then the third. 

Carl was a little sad that he couldn't continue training with Daryl. But whenever he had to go hunting, it was as if a new world was opening up for him. Every time he went out, he brought a catch. They were just rabbits, but Carl felt like he had knocked down a bear. And the proud look Daryl always gave him was an extra bonus. 

After one such hunt, where Carl was lucky enough to bring four rabbits, Carl noticed on his return that something was different. 

The main gate was open, with trucks standing around it. It didn't take long for Carl to see the first Saviors collecting things. 

Carl hoped he could sneak around inside. However, he missed the gate and trucks and headed towards the center, was spotted. 

"Look who we have here," sounds behind him. 

Carl turned, already in the long, annoying voice that knew who he was. 

Dwight. 

Carl didn't like the guy. It was he who was so fond of arguing about what Carl might put into an empty eye socket instead of an eye. In Carl's opinion, he was just an idiot. But apparently he was an important member of the Saviors. But even so, he was a moron, according to Carl. 

Next to Dwight, two other men have appeared. Carl didn't have to be prompted twice to reach for his gun. 

"But boy, you wouldn't be afraid of us!" 

,,What do you want?!" 

Dwight grinned and stepped forward. Apparently he had something very funny ready. But then the three of them stopped smiling and stayed put. 

"So what did you find here, huh?" 

Carl would know the voice everywhere, always. He turned slowly and looked at Negan, who was heading for him, Rick behind him. 

"We were just having fun," Dwight laughed. 

The other two men nodded. Carl preferred to be silent. 

Negan walked over to them, a bat on his shoulder. Rick stayed away. Even at his horrified, somewhat insane expression, Carl felt that things were not going as they should. 

Negan took a bat and poked it at one of the dead rabbits. 

"Where did you get it, huh?" 

"I was hunting," Carl said, ignoring the laughter from the Saviors. 

"Um ... Somehow I can't believe it," Negan said with a laugh. "Last time you were a really fucking bad shooter ..." 

The Saviors began to laugh again. Carl was silent. He knew that Negan just wanted to get some reaction from him so he could rub it all in his face. And so he was silent. 

"You know," Negan continued, waving his bat here and there, "today is a very fucking day. Especially thanks to Rick Prick here. I have a feeling people in this rat hole don't know how to behave when a visitor comes." 

Carl had long hoped Negan would show up. But he didn't expect it to be surrounded by half of Alexandria, Carl would be tired and dirty, with dead rabbits on his back. 

"I don't think people here appreciate what we do for them. We protect you, we motivate you! " 

Carl had no idea if he was expected to react. Carl knew that sometimes Negan just liked to talk and listen to his own voice. And it looked like this was going to be one of those moments. 

"You know, Carl, just before I came across you, I asked Rick one thing here. And imagine the surprise when he had no idea the answer! So what if we tried our luck with the younger generation? " 

Rick looked like he was going to say something. However, Negan just raised a finger and nodded at the man standing nearby. 

"You can go. Finish the job, we'll be leaving soon. " 

Dwight and the other two men left. When they were gone, Negan tapped on the dead rabbit again. 

"Is this really your hunt?" 

,,What should I do? Shoot for you an apple from a tree? " 

Carl was rightly proud of his improvement in shooting. He fired better now than before when he was still okay. And he didn't let anyone trample on that success. 

"You're a brat, you know that?" 

Carl shrugged and slid his crossbow over his shoulder. He tried to ignore Rick's stare, which suddenly became too focused for Carl's good. 

"Do you know what I think? That I'll take those nice fuzzy rabbits. I haven't had fresh meat in a long time ... " 

Carl knew what the situation was. Some might see this as a question. But Carl felt it was something else. So he just nodded. 

"Do you want them here? To the truck? " 

Negan smiled broadly and leaned against the bat as if it were a walking stick. 

"Smart ... At least someone seems to understand how to go about it. See, Rick? You should learn from that boy! " 

Carl strangely enjoyed the disgusted look Negan had received from Rick. 

,,You know what? You can keep them, "Negan waved, put the bat on his shoulder again, and came closer to Carl. "I can't take his little catch from my favorite hunter, can I?" 

Carl looked at Rick. This really wasn't a good place to talk to Negan. Apparently there was no such place anywhere in Alexandria. 

"I ... Thanks ..." 

"Like I say, good boy," Negan muttered. "I have a few more minutes before my guys load everything and we leave. What if you showed me where you live in that damn hole, huh? " 

Carl nodded and swallowed. He could handle it. 

He couldn't. Carl felt incredibly weird when he saw Negan in his room. It was like a hallucination or some strange dream. Not that he dreamed about Negan, no. 

No, no, definitely not. 

But here he was. The bat ended leaning against the door, the door was locked. Carl had no idea what to do with himself. Talking to Negan in public was one thing. Having him in his room was second. And why was he here at all? 

"I have to admit, it's decent. Are you still pretending to be an abandoned orphan? " 

"No," Carl muttered, setting the crossbow to the ground. 

Fortunately, he managed to put the rabbits away in the kitchen. 

Negan nodded, looking as if watching every thing in the room. 

"You know, you must have charmed Arat ... She admitted she stole the medicine for you." 

,,Is she fine?" 

"Do you still think I did something to her? Do you like her? " 

Carl swallowed. Yes, he liked Arat. But there were many kinds of "likes". 

Negan came closer as they both looked straight into each other's eyes. 

"Is that why you asked so much about her? Were you worried about her? " 

Carl shakes the head. 

"No, not like that ..." 

"Um ..." Negan murmured. "But for someone, your heart is beating faster, isn't it?" 

Carl felt he could literally drown in Negan's gaze. The man looked like someone who knew everything. How could Carl hide anything from him? 

,,Yes..." 

Negan's smile widened, his gaze a little darker, hungrier. 

"Good ... It should stay that way ..." 

Carl had a really scant experience with anything remotely reminiscent of a romantic encounter. But he, too, felt the atmosphere in the room thicken every second. 

"Why are you here?" Carl asked quietly, desperate for an explanation. 

"I come here often." 

"I mean ... My room. Why are you here? " 

"True ... I don't think a good boy like you should let older strangers into his room ..." 

"Why not?" Carl asked breathlessly, glancing at Negan's lips for a second before looking back. 

"Damn, boy ... You're way too cute, for your own fucking good ... There are people who would eat you alive ..." 

Carl knew that. He experienced it. Not the way he wanted it. Suddenly there was a terrifying desire to erase the memory with something better, something he would do voluntarily. 

"Are you one of them?" 

Negan didn't wait any longer and kissed Carl passionately. 

Carl was stunned. He barely realized that he had let his hands rest on Negan's broad chest, while Negan's hands tightened around his waist. It was like a tornado. Carl had no idea what was going on, he had no idea what to do. He could just get carried away and let Negan decide what to do next. 

"You shouldn't let me do this," Negan muttered, gently biting his way to Carl's neck. 

Here, finally in the privacy of a locked room, Carl didn't care what he should or shouldn't do. Because this was what he wanted from the very beginning. 

"I don't care," Carl said, trying not to sound as breathless as he felt. 

Negan's hands were literally everywhere as his mouth sucked on the sensitive skin on the side of his neck. 

"Am I the first to go to this little room with you? Hm? Or was someone else here? " 

The obsession in Negan's voice made Carl moan, while Negan's teeth bit hard into Carl's neck. Carl felt he had never felt so in danger and so alive at the same time. 

"No ... No one else ..." 

Then his lips were locked in another wild kiss. It was as if Negan was trying to swallow him alive. But even Carl realized he was pulling Negan's jacket and trying to take it off. He was already painfully hard in his pants, looking for any relief he could get. 

Negan finally took hands off Carl's body and took off his jacket. Carl just heard the sound of a jacket landing somewhere on the floor of the room. He didn't care more. 

"Damn, Carl," Negan growled, undressing Carl from his shirt over a thin T-shirt without asking. "Show me, show me everything ..."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few days left until Christmas. So far, this story has written about twenty-five chapters now. Don't worry, things will start to change quite drastically soon. Stay safe and thanks a lot for all the beautiful comments!

Carl never found himself too attractive or sexy. After that eye accident, his thoughts on his own attractiveness ended up at the bottom of the list. But now that he saw that Negan was as affected as he was, his eyes clouded with lust, it was like a drug. And Carl needed more. 

So he didn't hesitate. When he managed to break free of Negan's tight grip, he removed the T-shirt without hesitation and threw it to the ground. 

"Good ..." 

Carl, if he had time to think about it, would have to admit that praise from Negan had always been a thousand times more valuable than anyone else's. He didn't understand why. But it was so, and Carl didn't want to change it. 

Eventually, during kissing and groping, they got to bed with each other. Carl ended up on his back while Negan remained standing on the edge, looking at every part of his body. Carl was sure that every second he would feel the weight of the older man's body on his own body. But then Negan took a deep breath, and in a strangely frustrated gesture, he ran his fingers through his hair. 

"This is not right..." 

Carl rose to his elbows, not understanding what had changed in those few seconds. Did he do something? Didn't he do something? 

,,What's happening?" 

"Damn, look at you ... You still have plenty of time for this shit. How the hell old are you? Thirteen?" 

Carl frowned. 

"I'm not thirteen," he snapped, suddenly irritated that things didn't go the way he thought. 

However, Negan shook his head again, as if the whole monologue were playing in his head. 

"You're too young ... Damn, do you know what this was called? It's rape! " 

Carl winced at the word. He had no idea how old he was. Birthdays and time have long been irrelevant. At this time, age was indicated only by the number of surviving fights. But he was definitely not thirteen! 

"This is not how an attempted rape looks like," muttered Carl, suddenly grateful for the long hair behind which he hid his face. "This is not what it looks like ..." 

Negan's gaze sharpened at once. 

,,What do you mean?" 

Carl shook his head. He just wanted a nice experience. Not to deal with the past he wanted to forget. 

Negan sat slowly on the bed next to Carl. After a moment of silence, he took Carl's hand in his. Carl was strangely struck by sudden intimacy. 

,,What happened?" 

Carl didn't want to talk about it. He never talked to anyone about it. But he also knew that Negan was the most stubborn man he had ever met, even though they had known each other for a really short time. 

"Some time ago ... We came across a group, they called themselves Claimers ... I don't know exactly what it was about, but it ended in an attack. Me, Rick, Daryl, Michonne were there. They had the upper hand. One of them managed to get me and Michonne to the ground and the guy who led them said ... that he wanted ... " 

Carl didn't want to say it out loud. Memories of that night began to come back to him, and Carl felt himself starting to feel sick. 

"Did something happen there?" 

Carl shook his head quickly, suddenly too grateful for the hand that held his. 

"They wanted to. But we managed to get away. They are dead." 

"That's good," Negan said in a dark voice. 

Carl looked up from the mattress he had been staring at all the time. Negan looked positively angry. 

"I hate shithead like that," muttered Negan. "But Carl ... you have to understand ... 

At that moment, Carl seemed to know exactly what Negan would want to say. And then he leaned closer and pressed his lips back against the Negans in a fit of courage. 

"It's not like then," Carl said softly as the kiss ended. "Then ... I was scared. Not now ..." 

This confession was rewarded with another kiss. And another, and another ... 

Carl found himself on his back again, pressed into the mattress with Negan's body. But this time it was a welcome pressure. Carl's thoughts had been far gone since the damn night he'd been talking about a few minutes ago. 

Now he could only enjoy the biting kisses on his body and the quiet praise Negan mumbled into his skin. 

,,We won't do anything else today, "Negan said at last. 

Carl couldn't stop the disappointed moan. He wanted more, he wanted everything ... 

Negan just laughed at him. 

"Someone's an eager, huh?" Don't worry ... We have all the time in the world ... I'll teach you everything ... " 

Carl wanted to believe that. This was a hell of a lot more than he'd ever dared hope. So in the end he just nodded. 

Negan's romantic nature ended with the last kiss at the door. As they stepped out into the street, Carl stayed a few steps behind Negan, just in case. 

Saviors stood in the street, apparently ready to leave. When Negan appeared outside, a nod was enough and they all headed for the cars. Negan didn't turn as he left, but Carl expected it. Alexandria was not the best place to send some significant views outside on the street. And so Carl himself headed for Daryl's house, returning the crossbow and bringing the rabbits. 

,,Where have you been?" 

Carl placed the rabbits on the table and leaned his crossbow against the table. 

"I was for those rabbits. I left them in the kitchen before. " 

Daryl grunted and came closer. His gaze seemed too inquisitive to Carl. 

Daryl finally tapped Carl on the side of his neck, then nodded at the mirror that hung on the wall. 

"Did the rabbits do that to you?" 

Carl turned and looked at his reflection. 

He didn't even realize how different he looked. His hair was a slight mess, his lips were red and swollen. And he had a large dark bruise on the side of his neck, exactly where Negan had bitten him. It was high enough not to hide the shirt collar. Damn ... 

Carl turned slowly back to Daryl, who was leaning against a small sofa. 

"People aren't very receptive here," he said at last after an awkward silence. "But they're not stupid either." 

,,What do you mean?" 

"I saw where you went with him." 

Carl swallowed. He had no idea what to say. 

"You should be careful. You play a very dangerous game. Soon someone could cut your throat in your sleep because they would consider you a traitor. " 

When Carl returned to his room, he lock the door and lay down on the bed. He could still smell a faint scent of Negan that clung to the sheets. 

Daryl's words kept playing in his head. Usually he would let it be. But the problem was that it was true. He was a traitor. And there was a danger that people would find out soon enough.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is coming, so a little early gift is here! Thanks for kudos and comments!

Carl slept badly. He kept waking up, checking to see if he was alone in the room. His weapon was ready under the pillow, just in case. But no one showed up. 

In the morning, Carl tried to behave as normally as possible. Unfortunately, he found nothing in his poor closet to cover up the huge hickey Negan had left in his memory. However, whenever Carl walked down the street and met someone, he felt like people were staring at him. 

Daryl began to behave differently. When Carl came to him, just to talk, as he usually did, Daryl agreed. But he barely looked into his eyes the whole time. And when he looked at him, Carl saw his gaze sometimes slip to his neck. He said nothing, but even so, Carl could clearly see his disapproval. 

Perhaps only because Daryl's hand was still out of order, Carl got into the woods every day. It wasn't necessary to go to the hunt so often, but Carl wanted to. He couldn't stand in Alexandria anymore when he felt like everyone was staring at him. 

Maybe it was just his opinion. The end was over when he and Negan left for their house, he didn't see anyone. But Daryl saw them. And maybe he wasn't the only one. 

And this fear eventually came true. It was almost two weeks after the incident. The next visit to the Saviors was to be every day. People started putting together again the things they found when they went out. 

Carl tried his best to show himself outside. However, in one such attempt to get home quickly from the food store, Spencer caught him. 

Spencer was next on the list of people Carl didn't like. He was nice, he helped the people around him. But Carl just felt bad about him. It was as if something was wrong with him. 

Spencer stopped Carl on the porch of their house. 

"Carl?" Can I speak with you?" 

Carl nodded. 

Spencer leaned against the side of the house and stared at Carl for a moment. Carl didn't like the look. 

"You know, Carl, I've been thinking. A lot has changed here, since your father and your group came here to Alexandria. My mother used to run it here. But then your dad came. " 

Carl didn't like the direction this conversation was going. 

"What have I got to do with it?" 

"I know about your little affair with Negan," Spencer said straightly. "I happened to be around your house when you went upstairs. You forgot to lock the front door ..." 

Carl literally froze. Did Spencer get into their house ?! 

"Why ... Why the hell did you do that?" Carl snapped furiously. 

"Calm down, I don't care that you're fucking with him," Spencer shrugged. "But neither your dear dad nor the rest of Alexandria will share the same approach, do you think? It would be very bad if gossip started to spread here. ... " 

Carl looked into Spencer's smug face and couldn't believe what he was hearing. Spencer tried to blackmail him. 

"You have no proof," he breathed. 

"It's my word against yours," Spencer shrugged. "Everyone saw the bruise on your neck that Negan left you. They know me. You're the cop's son who took over Alexandria for them. Who do you think they'll believe? Your life it could get a lot complicated here ... " 

,,What do you want from me?!" 

"I want what your dear dad took from me. I was supposed to lead Alexandria, "Spencer explained. 

"So you get your dad to give up the place. I don't care how you do it. But if that doesn't happen, I'll tell every person who's here. I think everyone will be happy to hear that the son of a local policeman is really just Negan's bitch. " 

For a long time, Carl hadn't felt the urge to hit someone as hard as he did now. 

Spencer didn't wait any longer. He patted Carl benevolently on the shoulder and walked away. 

Carl was in his room all day. How he should have persuaded Rick to resign as Alexandria's leader. Rick basically avoided him, Carl avoided him, so it suited him. How should such a call begin? 

Could Spencer lie? Carl didn't know the man. But his gaze looked pretty determined. Carl knew that their arrival in Alexandria was not the best. He still remembered Rick kneeling on the street, covered in blood. 

But what would happen if Spencer fulfilled his threat? Carl knew there would be a lot of people in Alexandria who would like to see him dead. After all, the hatred for Negan was really strong. 

Carl planned to talk to Rick the next day. Start talking about not getting mad at him anymore and about old family times. He had no idea if such a thing could succeed at all. But the sight of Spencer standing in the street in the morning waving at him with a disgusting grin motivated him to at least try. 

But he couldn't find Rick anywhere. And when he finally found him, it wasn't in the best company. 

The Saviors seemed to have arrived earlier than planned. Trucks followed one by one behind the gate while Negan and Rick stood nearby. From a distance, it was clear to Carl that Rick was on the verge of physical and moral strength. 

It was clear to Carl that this was not the best time to deal with anything. However, as usual, he was unlucky to hide. Before Carl could figure out what to do, Dwight appeared near him, followed by other Saviors. Carl prepared for further comments, perhaps threats. But to Carl's amazement, nothing like that happened. 

"Look, our little Carl," Dwight chuckled, patting Carl on the shoulder as he walked by. 

The rest of the men laughed, but none of them said anything bad. They just kept going. 

Carl was confused. What happened? Has anything changed in those two weeks? 

,, Carl! Here!" 

Carl turned away from leaving the Saviors and looked at the approaching couple. 

Negan came closer and grinned happily. Carl noticed a little agitated that his bat was covered in blood. 

"Our dear Carl ... I just told Rick here about how fucking I hope this day will be better than last visit." 

Carl nodded. Rick seemed to want to object. In the end, however, he was wisely silent. 

It went quite well in the beginning. The Saviors took their things, most of the people of Alexandria standing nearby watching them. Carl noticed uncomfortably that Spencer was among them. 

Negan spent most of his visit walking here and there, threatening a few people he didn't think had enough respect. Carl tried to use that time to keep his eyes as small as possible. But Spencer eventually found him. 

"So what, huh?" How is the change of leadership going? ” 

"I didn't have time," Carl growled. 

"I see," Spencer grinned, nodding at Negan, who was heading in their direction from the Alexandria patrol. "Tell me, will you spread your legs for him again today?" 

It was hot in Carl. He hated that there was nothing he could do. But if he attacked Spencer, it would be the same as if Spencer started talking. 

"What's this about?" 

Carl didn't think he liked to see anyone more than Arat, who appeared beside them. 

Spencer just smiled charmingly, as always, and shook his head. 

"We were just talking," he laughed, patting Carl on the shoulder. 

Carl dodged. 

Arat's eyes narrowed. Carl had seen that look many times. Fortunately, Spencer left with another smile. 

"What was it about?" 

"Let it be," Carl muttered wearily. 

Why something always had to be fucked. Carl would be incredibly happy if one could just be calm. 

"Carl, I heard him." 

Carl groaned. Great. Just great. 

"Is he blackmailing you?" 

"That's one thing," Carl muttered, waving his hand. "I can handle it somehow. What about you? Negan said ... about medicine ..." 

Arat nodded, her eyes still on her surroundings. 

"He thought you stole it. We had a little debate about what your value is for Saviors and for him. But he seems to have figured out your value to him ... " 

Carl was grateful that, despite her slightly sharp words, he could see a restless spark in Arat's gaze. 

"Carl, don't worry about it. Even if what the guy said is true, it's up to you. " 

"It works a little differently here," Carl grinned uncomfortably. "Most people already think that's what God knows. If Spencer starts talking ..." 

"They'll go after your neck, won't they?" 

Carl nodded. 

"Everyone hates Negan. He won't tolerate anyone who was supposed to have him ... you know what. " 

"Did you really fuck with him?" 

"Arat!" 

"What?" Arat laughed. "I've never seen him like this. He's more of a commander than a man to me. But I have eyes, kid." 

Carl was shocked at how careless Arat spoke about it. As if it was nothing. 

"Don't you find it ... weird?" 

"Carl, I told you. It's an apocalypse. If your life dream is to let Negan fuck you in seven ways until Sunday, be my guest. You just have to remember that you are not alone. " 

"What do you mean?" Carl frowned. 

"His" wives. " I think it's just a fucking group of whores. But for some reason, Negan keeps them with him. " 

Negan's infamous wives. Carl had heard of them. Of course. Who doesn't. But it never occurred to him that he wasn't really alone, to whom Negan was probably whispering sweet nonsense into their ears. 

"Do you ... Do you think he loves them?" 

"No," Arat shook her head. "He has them for sex. He has a more emotional attachment to the bat. At least Negan always remembers that name." 

At times, Carl wondered why Negan had named his bat. It wasn't exactly common. Carl always thought that the name Lucille must have some meaning for him. Maybe someone from the past? 

Carl, I understand what you're thinking, "Arat said quietly." And if I didn't know mine, I would believe it too. But believe me, we wouldn't have been through the little theft of medicine, or the rest of the things we did if it weren't for you. "He has a pretty good opinion of you. He would never leave you unpunished and don't care what happened to you." 

Carl felt confused. Did Negan really care about him? It was true that when they were alone, Negan was really nice to him. And Carl didn't just mean the kissing part. He understood why Negan acted like his usual scathing self in public. But you wives, it was something left in his head 

"What are we going to do with that bastard?" 

"Spencer?" 

Arat nodded and nodded toward the street. Carl saw Spencer, who was in a friendly conversation with Negan. 

"Someone should teach him that he doesn't fuck with Saviors. And you wanted to be Savior, didn't you? " 

Yes, that's what Carl wanted. Perhaps it was necessary to remember the old ways he had learned in the Sanctuary.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags are changing! Some new things and warnings have been added regarding the development of story. Otherwise, thank you again for supporting the beautiful comments!

Soon Negan left Spencer alone and left. Carl watched his smug smile when he saw Negan heading for him and Arat. 

Fucker. 

"Arat, Carl ... Our couple of thieves!" 

Carl just rolled his eyes. He saw the smile on Negan´s face while he was watching them and knew it was just a talking, not threat. 

"What did he want?" 

,,That guy? He talked about some shit about how he wants to rule here and how the fucking benefit it should be for me. I asked him what he planned to do with Rick Prick, but he just told me he had a plan. Honestly, I'm curious. There is nothing more fun than a small civil war! " 

"I think you have something to say," Arat said inconspicuously. "I'll go check the supplies, boss." 

And she disappeared. 

Negan turned behind her in confusion, then back at Carl. 

"What the hell is going on?" 

Carl hesitated for a moment to say something. But then Spencer got into his field of vision again. And that helped him decide. 

"Spencer talked to me. He wanted me to help him remove Rick from Alexandria's leader. To talk to him ... " 

"Why the hell should Grimes listen to you?" 

Carl knew that to complete the story, he would need to lay the cards on the table. So he sighed and sat down on the porch railing, preparing for an awkward conversation. 

"I ... My name is Carl, Carl Grimes ..." 

It were endless seconds. Negan didn't move, maybe didn't even blink. Then he took a few steps forward until he was standing right next to Carl. 

,,You lied to me?" he ask coldly. 

,,No! I told you the truth! When my own dad left me there to die ... He stopped being a dad for me. I didn't want to see him in my life. I thought I was going to die somewhere on road... And then you and the Saviors showed up and I met Arat and then I came back here, and ... " 

Negan raised his hand and pressed it over Carl's mouth to silence him. 

"Breathe, or you'll fucking pass out ... Who knows?" 

"People here. Nobody from Saviors. " 

"Even Arat?" 

Carl shook his head quickly. 

,, Good. But how does the other guy fit in? " 

"Spencer came to me and said I should talk to Rick," Carl admitted. "He ... said he saw us. Last time when we went to my room. Apparently he got into the house. He told me that if I don't help him get him to Rick's place, he'll tell everyone... " 

,,Tell them what?” Negan laughed curiously. 

It wasn't a very pleasant laugh, more like threat. 

,,That ... that we ... you know what I mean!" 

,,Yes?" 

"That we ... were together ..." 

"Adorable," Negan sighed. "But back to the topic. So that bastard is blackmailing you? With this shit?" 

,,Well ,yes..." 

"And why do you mind if he tells someone?" 

Carl blinked in surprise. He did not expect such a question. 

"Because ... We're in Alexandria ... And if he tells everyone ... Is it possible they'll go after me, try to hurt me?" 

"Um ... That's true, too," Negan admitted. 

Eventually, however, he waved his hand and laughed again. 

,, Fuck it. You know what? We put it off anyway. What if you went to talk to Spencer? About what do you think of his fucking great idea about threating someone from my people, hm? Then we can get out of here. The two of us this time? " 

"Really?" Carl asked in shock. 

Negan shrugged. 

"Unless you have changed your mind about your interest in joining our small family group..." 

"No, I ... Nothing has changed for me." 

Negan leaned a little closer. Carl knew well how good the view of the porch was. But this time, this time he didn't care. 

,,Nothing?" 

,,Nothing." 

,,Good. Go, become my Savior...” 

Finding Spencer was not difficult. He stood nearby, still the same silly smile on his lips 

"You're making it too easy for me," Spencer said with a stupid smile. "It wasn't very wise to show off like that. Someone might see it.” 

Carl shrugged and rested his hands on his chest. 

,,I do not care." 

Spencer stopped smiling. 

,,Really? What would your dad say, huh? Do you think he would be proud of you? " 

Carl rolled his eyes. Spencer must have missed the fact that Carl hadn't cared what Rick thought for weeks. 

"I'm sure he'll be damn excited," Carl nodded ironically. ,,He is there, you can call him right now.” 

Spencer was silent. Carl could see how he was thinking, apparently considering what he could do in such a situation. 

Carl expected Spencer to think of another thing he wanted to blackmail. He didn't expect Spencer to reach for his gun. 

They both drew their weapons at the same time. Carl aimed without hesitation at Spencer's head while Spencer aimed at Carl's head. 

"You little bastard," Spencer growled. "You ruined everything. Do you think that just because you're fucking with Negan, are you anything more? You're just a whore!" 

Carl didn't hesitate, pressing the barrel of his gun against Spencer's forehead. 

"Better a whore than a coward," he replied with a smirk. "Will you tell Rick how you tried to get rid of him, using his only son?" 

,,You..." 

"What do we have here?" 

Carl didn't have to turn. In a few moments, he felt Negan stand behind him, his hand resting on Carl's shoulder. 

"The boy's crazy!" Spencer screamed. 

,,Really?" 

"He's crazy!" 

"Come on, Spencer, that's not how adults behave. And that´s not how you should behave to newest member of my group. Put the fucking gun down, damn it. " 

Spencer didn't want to. Carl saw it in him, fighting the natural urge to defend himself. But in the end he lowered his gun while Carl´s stayed up. 

Negan laughed and patted Carl on the shoulder. Then he walked next to them. Carl didn't want to take Spencer out of his sight, but he could see over his shoulder as the people around them began to gather to see what was happening. He also saw several Saviors watching with a smile. 

"So what's this about, huh? Spencer? " 

Carl saw Spencer try to think of something. And then Rick appeared next to Negan. 

"What's happening!" 

And Spencer took a chance. 

,, Rick! Carl joined Negan! " 

Rick turned to Carl with a frightened look. 

"Carl, what's hapenning? " 

"I think he wanted to tell you about how he blackmailed me and tried to force me to help him in your position as a leader. Isn't that right, Spencer? " 

Spencer began to look around, as if hoping someone would come to help. 

"Spencer? Why..." 

Rick looked at Spencer as if he could force him to tell the truth. 

"Booooring," Negan said, waving his bat around him. 

Amused, Carl noticed that a one woman from Alexandria literally jumped sideways in horror. 

"So let's sum it up. This is where Mr. Asshole planned a coup. I have a feeling Rick, that more and more people are dissatisfied with your leadership, "Negan said amusedly." Looks like you're going to need a little professional help ... " 

"What's that supposed to mean!" Rick shouted. "What help ?!" 

However, Negan turned to Carl. 

"I think this will be an ideal entrance test! I think you know what to do. " 

According to Negan's smirk, Carl was sure. So he just pulled the trigger. 

There was a loud shot through the streets of Alexandria, followed by terrified screams. Several locals began reaching for guns, but the Saviors did not hesitate and drew their own guns. 

"Damn, it's a fucking annoying afternoon again," Negan laughed, shoving the toe of his shoe into Spencer's leg. 

Carl looked at Rick, who was staring at Spencer's corpse with disbelief in his eyes. 

"Carl ... What did you do?" 

Negan didn't let Carl answer. He took Carl tightly around his shoulders and pulled him closer. Carl had a strange warm feeling from how well he fit into Negan's arms. 

"I think you can take your membership application approved," Negan laughed. 

The Saviors around began to laugh again. Negan looked so pleased, his smile wide and menacing. Carl also saw Dwight and Arat. They both looked more than satisfied. It was good feel, know that Carl was reason for these smiles.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas for all of you! You are all really amazing and I hope you will have the best holiday.

"You didn't have to come with me ..."  
"Just in case," Negan waved, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I have a feeling your dear fellow citizens will be damn happy to see you disappear from this hole."  
Carl had nothing to object to. He picked up his bag and quickly packed the few things he had in the room. It wasn't much. Just a few pieces of clothing, some personal belongings he'd left here before the attack. It was done in a few minutes. Carl placed the bag on the table and turned to Negan, who sat comfortably on the bed.  
"I'm done ..."  
Negan nodded, palm caressing the blanket on the bed. Carl watched the movement hypnotically.  
"I thought we'd have more time here ... Come here ..."  
Carl took a few steps and, with Negan's help, hesitantly sat down on the older man's lap.  
"Right ... I've been thinking about you a lot... It's been two whole weeks ..."  
Carl knew that. He had been counting every day since he had last kissed Negan at the door of his room. Two weeks could be very difficult for a teenage boy. But the wait was over now.  
,,What were you thinking about?"  
Negan smiled a little and let his palms wander under Carl's T-shirt.  
"I thought we could continue next time... Pop your little cherry... But it looks like it's going to have to wait until the Sanctuary ..."  
That was another thing Carl imagined a lot. Especially at night. He understood that now, before he left, there was no time for these things. Still, he couldn't resist stealing a kiss from himself.  
Negan didn't seem to mind. His hands began to undress Carl without hesitation and toss his clothes on the floor.  
As Negan's lips pressed against Carl's nipple, Carl couldn't stop the excited moan. Negan was good at it.  
Somewhere in the corner of his mind, Carl knew Arat was right. Carl wasn't the only one, and there was a reason he was so good at what Negan was doing to Carl's body at the moment.  
Otherwise, it could hurt Carl a little. But now, now he knew he had Negan to himself. This was the problem for another time.  
"You're too pretty for this world," Negan muttered, biting lightly into his exposed skin.  
Carl bent down and pulled Negan by his hair for another kiss. He could feel Negan's hard length beneath him. And from what he felt, a great adventure awaited him. Without hesitation, he rocked his hips and rubbed against Negan, enjoying new and even better feelings.  
"Damn, Carl ..."  
Negan may have liked when Carl say his name. But Carl liked it just the same way. The movements of his hips became faster, more jerky.  
"It hurts," Carl moaned, wiping his face against Negan's, enjoying the friction of his stubble. "Help me ..."  
"Shit ... When did you become such a slut ..."  
Carl could only moan again in response. Hell, he had no idea where it was coming from. But all he could think about was finally getting to the sweet end.  
"Come on, come on ... I want to see you ..."  
Carl buried his face in the bend of Negan's neck and fastered his movements. His thighs burned, his dick was squeezing painfully against his tight jeans. But he couldn't bring himself to do anything else. he only heard Negan's deep moan, feeling his firm grip at last enough to make Carl moan out loud for the last time. He almost overheard Negan, who followed him after a few more rocking with hips.  
Carl took a deep breath, smelling Negan's cologne. It was a nice smell.  
"Damn ... boy, you're really something else ..."  
"And what am I?"  
"I don't know ... We have to find out ..."

Leaving the house was a matter in itself. A couple of Saviors were waiting around the house, most of the people of Alexandria were out of sight. As Carl followed Negan to the gate, he saw Rick standing nearby with Daryl at his side.  
Daryl. Carl was glad he wasn't there when it happened to Spencer. At least he hoped. Daryl taught him a lot of things, and Carl hoped a little that they could remain friends. But now that he saw that Daryl hadn't even looked in their direction, Carl doubted it a little.  
"Let's go! Let's get out of this fucking hole! "  
The Saviors began to leave. Arat appeared at Carl's side on the way to the trucks.  
"I see you finally chose ..."  
Carl nodded.  
"Yeah ..."  
Arat nodded with a slight smile.  
,,Come. We'll find you a job ... "

Arriving at the Sanctuary was familiar and still completely different. When Carl first came here, he was frightened, near-dead. Now, now it was a completely different situation.

When Negan arrived, he left somewhere. It didn't seem to surprise anyone. Carl joined the others to help unload things from Alexandria, trying not to think about their last meeting in Carl's room. Carl sensed that things would change a little. The only question was how big the change would be.

Arat eventually took on the role of guide and showed Carl places in a factory he had not seen before. Kitchen, bathrooms, gardens, storage, armory. Including one of the rooms where he was to sleep from now on. The room was large, with six beds. Carl got the bed right next door. On the bed lay a folded blanket, a pillow, and some clothes.

That was a big change for Carl. He didn't like to admit it, but he was used to the luxury of his own room. This looked more like an army barracks. And there was one thing that came to Carl that he only realized while walking through the factory with Arat.  
Most Saviors seemed to not care if he was with them or not. Rumors of what Carl had done to Spencer quickly spread around, so most of the people seemed to have no doubt that Carl was one of them. But Carl also saw a few individuals who still looked at him with pure contempt. Carl carefully memorized their faces and the details Arat said about them. Carl knew he would have to be careful. And he didn't want to be surprised.

The night came relatively quickly. Arat said goodbye to Carl, and headed for her room. Arat explained that if a person was important, he had his own room. Carl had no illusions that by shooting Spencer, he would get among them. So he went to the room where the others were about to go to sleep. He changed, quickly crawled into bed. And he hid his gun under the pillow. You know, just to be sure.

It must have been night when Carl was awakened by the sound of a door opening. Because he had a bed immediately leading the door, he heard the sound clearly. At first he thought only someone was going to the bathroom. But then he heard a low whisper.  
"Will you take him or me?"  
"You take him. I'll hold the door. "  
Carl felt that the beat of his heart must be heard throughout the room. He knew it. He knew they would not leave him alone. While the couple argued, Carl reached very slowly under the pillow and grab gun. He was waiting. Silent footsteps sounded beside his bed. Then a hand was on his shoulder. Unexpectedly, Carl broke free and aimed his gun at the stranger's head.  
No, the second time he won't be surprised.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the Christmas holidays, there is another chapter. Adding may be a little slower now, but I'll try as hard as I can. Thanks for support!

The lights in the room came on. Carl finally saw the man he was aiming his gun at. 

Carl didn't remember ever seeing the man. Instead, he recognized Dwight standing beside him. 

"Hey hey, calm down!" Dwight shouted. 

,,What's going on!" 

Carl lowered his gun. Although he did not recognize the other man, he did not look like a threat. 

"Well, this was supposed to be a surprise," Dwight laughed. "If you put the gun down, we have a place to be in a minute." 

Carl was confused. He looked at the other man, who didn't look too shocked that Carl had aimed his gun at his head a moment ago. On the contrary, he gave Carl a crooked smile and nodded toward the door. 

"Come on, it'll be fun!" 

The fun turned out to be a party. About thirty people seemed to hold an impromptu party with music, alcohol, and dance in the main hall. 

Carl felt as if he had gone back in time to a time when everything was fine. People laughed, danced, drank. There was no indication that the wilderness was full of walking dead a few meters away. Carl just looked around enough, and Arat appeared beside him. 

,,Finally you are here! Come on, drink! " 

A red cup full of unidentifiable liquid appeared in Carl's hand. Carl had no illusions that it was lemonade. 

"So the party?" 

"Sometimes we have a party to improve morale. We have our own alcohol, some snacks, so have something before it's gone. " 

Carl nodded and drank from the cup. Whatever it was, it literally burn its way through Carl's throat. 

Carl was never at a party. Or at least he didn't remember. But it wasn't so bad. He still had his first cup of alcohol, but he ate enough food to feel contentedly satisfied. He finally retreated to a makeshift table from an old barrel of gasoline. 

"So, are you enjoying it?" 

Carl turned his head to see the man who woke him up with Dwight. 

"It works," Carl nodded. 

"I'm John," the man smiled and sat down in the next chair. 

"Carl." 

"Oh, I know that. You're like the latest topic. " 

Carl just grinned. He didn't quite like to be the center of attention. But sometimes it seemed unavoidable. 

,,How long are you here?" 

"From the beginning," John admit. "I learned about this club from an friend. It seemed like a good alternative to running outside and starving." 

That sounded logical. Carl knew full well that he himself might be better fed. He was still a little skinny, though his food supply had improved. 

,,What about you? I heard you were from Alexandria. " 

"Yeah, it's been a few weeks since we got there," Carl nodded vaguely. 

Not that he wanted to talk about Alexandria. 

While John mentioned something about just going for another drink, Carl had a chance to take a look at the man. 

In the good light in the hall, Carl had just discovered that John look strangely like Negan. Younger, maybe ten years. Taller than Carl, a muscular figure. Carl could tell this despite the loose flannel shirt John was wearing. It wasn't a bad look. 

Carl looked around. Negan was not here. Even Carl still thought Negan was important to him, perhaps a conversation with someone else wouldn't hurt. 

John returned in a moment, not only with alcohol but also with a plate of other food. Carl found himself in a rather interesting conversation in a few minutes. It's been a long time since he's talked to anyone new. John turned out to be much more interesting than he would have expected from Saviors member Carl. He didn't want to be prejudiced, but most Saviors members was good at simpler tasks. But John turned out to be a rather interesting and smart man. 

"I was a hunter," John said as he talked about their past. "It wasn't much about money, but I enjoyed it." 

"Well, I ... went to elementary school," Carl said with a laugh, eating another of the olives on the plate. "So nothing interesting." 

"You have plenty of time to do interesting things," John waved. 

Carl nodded and looked around. The party seemed in full swing. He saw Arat nearby, in a friendly conversation with several other people. 

"So what about your future goals?" 

Carl shrugged. 

,,I have no clue." 

"I think Negan will come up with something for you," John laughed. 

But Carl noticed that it was a bit of a scathing laugh. 

,,What do you mean?" 

John stared at the cup for a moment, as if searching for the right words. Carl didn't like the direction the whole call was going. 

"Negan brings a pretty face once in a while. Why do you think he's not here? He's upstairs somewhere, fucking with one of his whores. I thought you would be the same. A lot rummors has been heard," John grinned. 

Carl felt physically sick. And not from the awful alcohol Arat had given him. So they thought he was just another hooker Negan found in one of the settlements? 

"So that's what people think of me?" Carl asked, a little shakenly. 

"I think maybe yes, in past, but only until you shot that guy. I was there. Although in the back, so I didn't have the best view, but I don't think he deserved anything else. Trust me, no one will think you're just another bitch. Obviously you can take care of yourself. Which can't be said about those whores. " 

"You don't have much love for them." 

"No one here," John agreed. "Those chicks just sit in their damn room all day and get everything they can think of out of boredom. They are useless. For us. They have a price for Negan. So if you measure a person's value in how well she can blow your dick. " 

Carl drank deeply from the cup, hoping the alcohol would help him carry the whole call. Was that really the case? Did Negan just pick him and think he would be another member of his terrible harem, with whom Carl had spent so much time before? Negan told him other things! 

On the other hand, their last meeting was quite physical. Carl remembered Negan's promise of "pop his cherry" well. Was that supposed to be the only thing Negan was interested in? 

On the other hand, should he trust John? The guy have been likeable and handsome to look at. But Carl knew him for a few hours. But again, John had no reason to lie to him. 

"You look kind of pale. Is there something wrong?" 

Carl shook his head and smiled a little. 

"No, just ... Lots of new things," he said quickly to cover up the real reason. 

John picked up the cup and Carl tapped with a slight laugh. 

"So for new things!" 

Carl was drunk. Regularly, illegally drunk. He had no idea what time it might have been. He only knew that when Arat appeared at their makeshift table, Carl lost track of how much alcohol he had drunk. And because he had been an abstinent so far, he didn't need much alcohol to get drunk. 

John went somewhere. Carl heard some mentions of another alcohol. Not that he wanted to keep drinking. 

"So, did you talk here?" 

,,What do you mean?!" 

Arat just laughed and waved. 

,,I'm just asking! John is quite handsome ... " 

Carl rested his hand on the table and looked at Arat incomprehensibly. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"I saw him watching you before he came to you," Arat winked. "It's a pretty decent look at you. He was probably going to try his luck. " 

"We were just talking," Carl said, a little embarrassed. 

"Sure," Arat blinked significantly again. 

When John returned, Arat got up and left with some weak eloquence. 

"Where was she in such a hurry?" 

Carl tried to shrug, but felt he would be sick. Although he was no longer as drunk as he had been when Arat sat down, he was still beginning to think that he should end the whole meeting. 

"I guess ... I guess I'll go. It was really a lot today. " 

,,Clearly. Do you want to accompany? " 

Carl agreed. Why not? 

In the end, Carl was happy to be accompanied. He didn't recognize the way back to the sleeping room, or maybe it was alcohol. John was gallant enough to ignore Carl's repeated stumbling on the stairs and finally escort him safely to the door of the room. 

Carl was grateful when they were at the finish line. A walk in the fresh air helped clear his head a little, so the feeling of vomiting became more of a pleasant intoxication. 

"It was nice," Carl nodded softly. 

"I'm glad you didn't shoot me," John chuckled. 

,,Me too..." 

There was a moment of silence in the hallway. Carl knew it would be enough to say goodbye and leave. But I don't feel like he wants to end this thing yet. And he didn't seem to be alone. 

"I didn't expect it," John admitted after a moment's silence. 

,,What do you think?" 

"When I followed you ... It was more out of curiosity. I didn't expect such a pleasant company ... " 

Carl felt blood pour in his head. It had been a while since someone had talked to him like that. But Carl could already read these situations, and especially thanks to Negan. The first instinctive reaction was to simply leave. But maybe a little flirt wouldn't hurt either. 

After all, he promised nothing to anyone. 

"I enjoyed it too ..." 

John took two steps forward. Carl felt the familiar heat rolling through his body. 

Perhaps a million thoughts raced through his head, scenarios of what might happen. But then John shook his head. 

"Damn, I can't ... I don't want to be beaten ..." 

Carl raised his head incomprehensibly. 

,,What?" 

John laughed a little sarcastically. 

"Nobody starts anything with Negan's girls. If so, it usually ends in punishment or death. I don't want to be beaten by his crazy bat because of your handsome face. " 

"I'm not Negan's girl," Carl snapped. "He helped me get here, that's all. I didn't promise him anything, neither did he. That's the end of it." 

And that was unfortunately true. Even in his still-a little drunken brain, it was all too clear to Carl that demanding a relationship or loyalty from someone like Negan was nonsense. The man lived the life of someone who takes what he wants. Things, women. And Carl had no idea if he would be interested in becoming just another of the many women who have been sitting all day waiting for his turn. He still felt a lot of emotion for Negan, and he knew it wouldn't go away. But dreams were one thing, reality another. And Carl had no desire to spend his new life here in the Sanctuary to be known as someone's whore. 

"You're pretty rude," John smiled. 

,,This is me..." 

With bated breath, Carl watched as John leaned closer until they looked each other straight in the eye. 

"Do you promise it won't cost me my life?" 

Carl nodded. And as a reward, he received a light kiss on the lips. 

In his bed, a few tens of minutes later, when John had long since left and Carl was listening to the snoring of the people around him, Carl finally had time to think in peace. 

Carl had high expectations of his arrival at the Sanctuary. New life, struggle, the need to prove oneself in the eyes of others. He wasn't expecting a love affair, like the awkward soap operas his mom loved watching on nights on television. 

What Carl was supposed to do. He was a little sorry he didn't have anyone to deal with. Arat had been a great support to him so far, but Carl knew what she thought of this. 

Enjoy who you want with. 

But Carl couldn't imagine such a thing. He was brought up in thinking of a relationship and fidelity to the other. But was such a thing going to happen today? 

Definitely not with Negan. 

Carl felt a strange bitterness at the thought. Maybe he was just too naive, attaching himself to Negan just because the man saved him and gave him a second chance. He was nice to him, yes. But Negan was not someone who would meet the expectations of a monogamous relationship full of walking around and looking into each other's eyes in love. He looked more like an Alpha male, confirming his dominance by fucking as many females as possible. 

But Carl didn't want to be just another cut. Although he didn't rely much on his virginity, according to him it was more of a mental status, but he still wanted it to be important not only for him, but also for the other. And Carl had no illusions about how Negan would take it. After all, Arat and John weren't the only ones he'd heard stories about Negan's harem in the evening. It was probably a general idea that no one dared to think about. But it was clear to Carl that once he signed up for this, he would lose the meager reputation he had so far among the Saviors. As a young boy, they may have respected him, but not as Negan's whore. No one liked these women, most people seemed to like getting rid of them. And Carl didn't want to belong to that group of whores. 

To calm himself, Carl returned to John with his thoughts. The man was such a surprise for Carl that evening. When Carl reconsidered his first encounter, when he almost shot the man, it was more interesting than Carl had ever expected. 

Aside from the strange resemblance to Negan, was John a kind of ... more decent version? He didn't speak so rudely, he was quite gallant. At least for someone who has spent the last years as a member of a gang raiders and looting and murdering in nearby settlements. Arat also had a good opinion of him, and that was important to Carl. 

But was a love affair with anyone at all important to Carl now? Carl planned an effort to build his background to ensure a better life. That was, after all, his goal on his first visit to the Sanctuary. Things like relationships could complicate it all. 

On the other hand, Carl was still somewhat hormone controlled and John could kiss really well. It was gentle, more just a taste of water than an attempt at control. And Carl liked it. He wasn't so stubborn he couldn't admit it. 

Maybe there was something Arat said about it. Maybe he could do both - secure his place among the Saviors and improve his relationship a bit.


	20. Chapter 20

Carl was quite able to settle down in a few days. He managed to go anywhere without being able to walk to the armory instead of the kitchen, he found a few other people among the Saviors to talk to. 

Carl eventually won the promised place among the Saviors who accompanied Negan out. Arat took him under her wing and introduced him to everything he should know. Who to talk to, with whom not to talk, when to shoot, when not. Arat eventually led Carl to the armory for an hour-long lecture on weapons. 

"We need to get you one," Arat said, walking the cabinets along the wall. "What are you used to shooting at?" 

"I have a handgun," Carl said, patting the gun pouch he still wore at his feet. 

"Do you have it from Alexandria?" 

Carl nodded. He wasn't going to explain that Negan had lent it to him at the shooting range at the time, and Carl had never actually returned it. 

"Okay, one problem gone. What else did you shoot with? " 

"With a crossbow." 

Arat turned to him questioningly. 

"With a crossbow? Where did you get that? " 

"I ... A guy from Alexandria lent it to me as I tried to improve my shooting a little. I've quite liked it, "Carl admitted." It's a silent weapon and doesn't need ammunition. I went hunting. " 

"Wow," Arat laughed, leaning against the rifle cabinet. "When you left here, I thought you were going to get out there somewhere. And you went hunting. Maybe you could tell John about it. I think he would be interested. " 

"Are you going somewhere specifically?" 

Arat shrugged quite openly and began shoving the bullets into the spare magazines. 

"As far as I know ... I saw you going from that party together ... I thought you had a good chat, that's all." 

Carl couldn't believe how Arat could be a cold-blooded warrior on the one hand and such a terrible gossip on the other. 

"He just escorted me to my room and left." 

"Carl? You may learn to shoot, but you're as terrible a liar as you were then. " 

Carl rested his forehead on the tabletop at which he was sitting. 

,,What do you want from me?" 

,,Details!" 

"Fine!" Carl exclaimed defeated. "He kissed me! And I kissed him!" 

Arat grinned and tossed the trays on the table. 

"Well, you see, it didn't hurt." 

,,Are you satisfied?" 

,,And you?" 

,,What do you mean?" 

Arat sat on the edge of the table. 

"It occurred to me that John was quite nice to you ... And he liked you a lot ... I've known him for a long time, he was one of the first to become Savior. And I've never seen him just go to see someone. He is usually more of the type to be conquered. That's why I was interested ... " 

"He ... He was nice," Carl nodded cautiously. "We talked about a lot of things ..." 

Carl finally sighed. What already. Arat was still his only true friend. 

"He told me about what was said here when Negan brought me here ... that I should have been his next ... catch." 

Arat stopped smiling and nodded a little gloomily. 

"Yeah, I heard that. It was circulating for a while. Then it stopped, probably thanks to Spencer. A lot of people saw it. I don't think anyone else thinks that. At least no one whose opinion should interest you. But ... I told you. Negan is just ... He has a different world. " 

Carl thought that was quite general. 

"Do you think he lied to me? When he said he cared about me? " 

"No, it's not," Arat shook her head, getting up and heading for the back of the engine room, where she began searching the large metal cabinet. "It was clear to everyone that he saw something in you. But the question is, do you want to be what he is looking for in you? " 

Carl knew he couldn't find the answer to that question. That's why he let it be for now and continued to watch Arat. 

"What are you looking for?" 

"I saw something here recently. We had no use for it, because I think the rifle is better, but ... " 

Finally, Carl watched in shock as Arat pulled a crossbow and a few arrows from the closet and placed them on the table. 

"Where ... where did you get it?" 

"As far as I know, in a settlement," Arat waved. "Nobody can do much about it. John used to borrow it from time to time when he went hunting, but he stopped long ago. It's been here ever since." 

Carl took the crossbow carefully in his hand, intuitively beginning to check on all the things Daryl had taught him long ago. The crossbow needed a little care, but nothing Carl could do on his own. 

"I ... Thanks, really ..." 

"It's out of the question, there's a lot going on," Arat said, returning to the first closet. 

"But you still get a rifle. Because we all have them. And a rifle is much better than a crossbow. " 

"A crossbow is better for hunting," Carl said with a laugh. 

"Give me a submachine gun and an hour. I will bring you a whole herd of deer! " 

"All the deer will run away first!" 

Arat just waved her hand in disapproval and continued to choose the rifle with further objections. 

Carl was arranged with Arat for a week out, only in two. Carl wanted to hunt, and Arat rejected the idea of going alone. And so they finally agreed on a joint trip. But Carl had been waiting by the car for maybe half an hour, and Arat was nowhere to be seen. 

"I heard you stole my job," he said suddenly after Carl. 

Carl turned to see John leaning against the car with a smile. 

,,What are you doing here?" 

"Arat sent me. It is said that something got her into it and it cannot happen. " 

Carl cursed considerably in his mind at Arat. It came, of course. Carl knew what the woman was trying to do. And when he meets her, he'll tell her, loudly. 

"So, shall we go?" 

Carl nodded and opened the passenger door. John got in the car, Carl wanted to do the same. But then he heard it. 

"Carl? For a moment..." 

Carl slowly dropped his crossbow to the passenger seat, ignored John's worried look, and turned to face Negan. 

,,Yes?" 

Negan walked over to Carl, his gaze on John for a moment before returning to Carl. 

,,Where are you going?" 

"On the hunt." 

,,With him?" 

Carl folded his arms across his chest. He was usually glad to see Negan. But those days had been when the older man hadn't bothered to talk to Carl. And now he will show up with stupid questions ?! 

"Yes, with John. We're going hunting together. " 

Carl watched with strange satisfaction as Negan's jaw tightened. 

"Why are you going with him? You can just ask me. " 

"Oh, I didn't think of that," Carl pretended ironically in surprise. "I didn't know if you still remember me. You last spoke to me about two weeks ago." 

"I had a job," Negan snapped. 

Carl knew he shouldn't. He was now formally Savior and had to respect Negan as his leader. But blood was literally boiling in him. 

And so Carl leaned closer. 

,, Work? Fuck those whores? " 

Negan's gaze was full of anger. But it didn't deter Carl. 

"Watch your fucking tongue. Is that what you want? Are you jealous? " 

"I don't care," Carl said. "You have your job, I have mine. Now, if you'll excuse me, John is waiting." 

Without waiting for an answer, Carl got in the car and pointed ahead. 

,, Go. Better fast. " 

John obeyed. They reached the gate before the silence in the car was broken. 

"You shouldn't argue with him like that," John said carefully, his eyes following the path. "He can punish you." 

Carl knew it somewhere in the corner of his newfound mind. Negan could do whatever he wanted. But Carl was so angry. 

"He has no right to tell me that kind of shit." 

John was silent. 

"What's the matter with you?" 

Carl and John were somewhere in the middle of a dense forest. They left the car on a nearby dirt road, and continued on foot. 

From the place where they camped, there was a beautiful view of the nearby clearing, where, according to John, animals often went to drink to the flowing language. So it was only a matter of time before something came up. Carl hopes he won't return to the subject, but he was unlucky. 

"I don't know ..." 

"Carl, the door was open. I heard everything. What is it between you two?" 

"I don't know," Carl snapped, his gaze still fixed on the clearing. 

John sighed and leaned against the tree beside them. 

"Carl ... This is not going to work. And I don't even want to be catch in middle of it. " 

Carl was confused. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"Are you trying to make him jealous? Because I don't want to be third in some love triangle. " 

,,What? No! It's not like that! " 

,,No? So you're not interested in him? " 

Carl had no idea where the wait for the hunt had turned into an interrogation. 

"Wasn't it you who claimed that you could be with someone just like that, without obligation? Enjoy a little and go? " 

"Yeah, that's what I said," John nodded. "But it usually works when both parties are clear on what they want. I'm clear. But I don't want to get between you and Negan. That guy has a short ignition and I don't want to end up dead just because he thinks I'm fucking with you behind his back! " 

"There is no" we "between Negan and me," Carl snapped angrily. "He has his wife." 

John didn't look very trusting. 

"You think about it a lot," Carl muttered at last. 

"Yeah, I'm fucking thinking," John nodded. "The last guy to go to his wife ended up with a face smeared with hot iron. I don't want to end up like this. " 

"I'm not his wife!" 

,,Really? And does Negan know about this? " 

Carl had no idea what John wanted from him. How could he be responsible for what Negan does ?! 

There was a heavy silence for another few minutes. Carl tried to focus on the clearing, not the other man's presence. And when the first deer appeared in the clearing, he finally had a chance to focus on something else. 

It was almost automatic. Check the crossbow. Aim. Wait. Exhale. Shoot. 

The deer collapsed to the ground, the other deer scattered around it into the forest. 

"Damn, you're really good," John admitted in surprise. "I don't know what I was supposed to help you with here," he added. 

"I don't think Arat wanted you to help me with the hunt," Carl replied, lowering his crossbow from the ground so he could draw it with the other arrow. 

"And what else can I be helpful with, huh?" 

Carl looked up from the crossbow. John was definitely closer than a few seconds ago. 

"Maybe ... Maybe we can figure something out? Together?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year guys! :)

In the end, Carl thought the hunt went well. One dead doe and a couple of nice kisses looked like a promising end to the day. Carl doesn't expect anything special when he returns. John said he would take care of the meat, Carl wanted to go visit Arat and show off his catch. However, when he found himself in the main corridor that led to the large hall, Negan crossed his path. And Carl knew at first glance that he was not in a good mood. 

"Finally," Negan muttered, grabbing Carl's hand without another word. 

Carl found himself drawn to the first door he saw in the hallway. 

The place turned out to be a empty room with some wooden boxes, bags. Carl broke free of Negan's iron grip and turned on him incomprehensibly. 

,,What's going on?!" 

"What the hell are you doing with him!" 

Carl blinked in surprise. 

,,What? Nothing!" 

,,Nothing? So this is a rash? "Negan asked sarcastically, pulling Carl's T-shirt from his neck. 

Carl clearly remembered John kissing him in that spot. But hickey?! 

"So what?" Carl finally asked defiantly. "I can do what the hell I want!" 

"You're mine," Negan growled obsessively. "I won't let anyone else touch you!" 

"Funny," Carl snapped angrily. "So I'm yours, yeah. But you can fuck.... wait, how many, huh? Ten women? You know what? Fuck you!" 

Negan apparently wasn't waiting for anything more. He grabbed Carl by the shoulders and pushed him against a nearby wall. Carl barely cried out in pain before his objections were silenced by Negan's rough kiss. 

Kissing John was nice. He was gentle, caring, some could say it was almost loving. It occurred to Carl that this was probably the man every young girl would want for her first time. 

But kissing Negan was like fighting for life. Every move pumped adrenaline in Carl's veins. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was pressing himself against the older man's body as Negan tried to take off every piece of clothing he could reach. 

"You piss me off," Negan growled somewhere at Carl's throat, and to confirm his words, he bit Carl roughly. "Why the fuck are you doing this!" 

"Nothing ... Fuck, I'm not doing anything," Carl sighed, tilting his head to the side just to get another bite. 

"You do. You're messing with that bastard just to piss me off! " 

Carl didn't understand how it could always happen. He knew what it would be like. Negan was like a predator intending to devour his victim. He took and took. At another point, it might offend Carl. Carl always thought his partner should give, not just think about himself. But whenever he was with Negan, Carl couldn't imagine a better script. 

It was as if some strange force was pulling them together. Carl had imagined similar encounters in his head so many times. As she defies Negan, he tells him what he thinks of his behavior. But here he was, moaning as Negan played his body like an instrument. 

Carl was only a little aware that he was perched on a random wooden crate, while Negan found himself between his thighs, ripping the last layer of clothing he had from his waist up. Carl let it be, welcoming the sudden coldness of the room that met so deliciously the heat of his skin. It was as if it was burning inside him. It was like that every time, and only one person could light that fire. But then Carl felt Negan's hands point lower and begin to wrestle with the belt of his pants. And that's when Carl realized it. 

"No ... Wait ..." 

Negan raised his head and looked at Carl visibly confused. 

,,Why?!" 

Carl shook his head. He would give anything to keep them going. Calm down here, in this godforsaken room.But the thing he talked to Arat and John about came back to Carl's mind. 

He couldn't be just another notch on the frame of Negan's bed. Even if it cost him to lose all this. 

"I don't want it... Not now..." 

"Bullshit," Negan grunted. "I see it in you. You want it." 

Negan was right. Carl wanted it more than anything else in the world. But he couldn't. Not yet. 

"What the hell is going on? First you agree, you moan like a whore and then you go back? " 

Carl gritted his teeth angrily and pushed Negan away with all his might. It didn't have much effect. 

"I'm not a whore, damn it!" 

,,No? Are you telling me I'm the only one for whom you spread your legs? " 

In retrospect, Carl had no idea what he was thinking. But at that moment, he reached out and simply slapped Negan. 

There was a grave silence in the room. Negan slowly turned his head back. Carl swallowed, suddenly aware of what he had done. 

"I ... I'm not this ..." 

"I killed other people for less," Negan growled, grabbing Carl's hair. 

Carl couldn't stop the loud, painful scream as his head jerked back. 

"Tell me. You're like that with him, too? " 

"I don't know what you mean," Carl struggled. 

His reward was just another jerk. 

"You fucking know what I mean," Negan replied darkly, leaning closer. "You are all greedy, willing. And then you back off. Acting like some mad bitch. And that's not fucking nice at all ... I should just fucking take what I want ... " 

Carl laughed hysterically. 

,,Do it! But I will hate every fucking second... " 

"To hell with you," Negan said, finally letting go of Carl's hair after a moment's silence with one last jerk. 

Carl gasped. Even as Negan released him, he felt as if the pain had not disappeared at all. 

"What the fuck do you want from me, huh?" 

"You know that well ..." 

"What?" Negan laughed coldly. "Do you want me to send all my wives away? So I can play some fucking romance with you? Do you think you're so important to me ?!" 

"If you don't want to, it doesn't matter," Carl snapped, trying to hide the wound he felt from Negan's words.. "You're not the only one around ..." 

In the blink of an eye, Negan was back close to him, his hand wrapped around Carl's waist. Carl was helplessly drawn closer to him, shakily looks into Negan's eyes. 

"You won't come near that guy!" 

"Otherwise what!" 

"I'll break every bone in his fucking body!" 

Carl was captivated and terrified at the same time by how dangerous and obsessed Negan seemed. Carl knew Negan must have been crazy. At least a little bit. Maybe it was long before the world went to hell. Maybe it was this apocalypse that made him. Either way, Carl was well aware that nothing Negan had told him was a vain threat. Normally, Carl would be terrified of such people. He's met them enough in those few years to know that such madness will never do any good. But for the first time in Carl's life, this madness was directed at him in an effort to own him in every way possible. Carl should be scared, warn him to disappear while he had a chance. But Carl didn't feel scared. He felt only another wave of hot desire, the same one he had seen in Negan's eyes. 

"You said I didn't matter to you,” Carl say slowly. "Then why would you do that?" 

"No one touches things that are mine." 

"I'm not your fucking thing!" 

"You're making me tired," Negan threatened. "Find out what the fuck you want!" 

,,Me? I know damn well! " 

"So that's how you want it? Will you blackmail me by fucking that bastard right under my nose? Do you think that will make me do something ?! " 

"Would it work?" 

"I don't fucking care," Negan snapped angrily. ,,Do what you fucking want!” 

"Okay," Carl returned in an equally angry tone, angry at Negan's approach. "If you don't care, let me go." 

"Never," Negan muttered finally after few second of silent, kissing Carl passionately again without hesitation. "Fucking never."


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments :)

Negan had experienced many situations where it was clear to him that he could not win. He was not proud of them, he tried to avoid them every time. But never in his whole fucking life would he think that he would find himself in such a situation thanks to Carl.

Negan didn't care about his wives. He knew they knew, the people around him knew it. He had them, after all, fot one particular thing, and that didn't require much feeling. He was going to keep it that way.  
All he had to do was choose, wait for them to spread their legs, have fun with them and throw them away.  
Negan was sometimes surprised that, despite the way he sometimes dealt with them, they all stayed. Maybe out of fear? He didn't care.

And then Carl fucking Grimes appeared. And Negan's life was upside down. Negan didn't usually go after the young boys, true was this could be first time. But there was simply something about Carl. And the new, apparently out of necessity to survive acquired baddass attitude only improved it. Adding it to his small collection of wives would be a clear and easy step.  
But then Carl had an argument with him. He opposed him. He was literally doing the opposite of what Negan wanted from him. He had his head, and Negan was strangely impressed. Few were able to oppose him at this time. Not to mention a young boy.  
It was sexy as hell. Negan was sure he'd had a pretty wild ride ahead of him, to get the boy to bed and show him what it was all about.

And so he was here, in his bedroom. And instead of being near Carl, preferably naked and horny, he looked out the window. He had a decent view of the courtyard, so he saw Carl in a friendly conversation with that bastard John.  
Negan remembered John well. He was one of the first to join his then small group. He could fight, he was useful, he was trusted.  
But then it seemed to the once sensible man that there was nothing fucking better to do than start looking at Carl and flirt with him.

Negan sometimes thought that a single hit with Lucille on John's head could solve things, clearly and emphatically. But after the last conversation with Carl, Negan he knew full well that Carl didn't want John dead. Negan didn't dare think why. He was just fucking sick of him.  
What made the guy better? Was he nicer? Was he prettier? Was he younger? Negan knew he wouldn't be younger, but he was so much older than Carl that he couldn't mind another ten years!  
If it was just sex, it wouldn't matter. But Carl made it quite clear and loud that he didn't just want sex.  
Even though Negan would never admit it to anyone or anywhere, he still felt the slap a little. The boy had a good hit.

Immediately after the little fight and another effort to tear each other's clothes off, Negan finally found himself alone in the room and as horny as if he was fifteen again. And so he did the only thing that occurred to him. He went, took one's wife, and hoped that if he fucked her hard enough, he would get Carl out of his head.  
It did not help.  
Instead, he imagined what it would be like with Carl. What would it be like to pop that little sweet cherry. Carl was rough at first glance, but Negan knew he could make him cry for pleasure and beg for more. He would fuck him until Negan's dick was the first or last Carl's interest.

But Carl would have to work together. Because, contrary to what Negan said, he would never really force Carl to anything. He hate bastards who were so desperate and disgusting to be able to rape someone. And he knew what Carl's experience had been like in his life. Sometimes he regretted that the guy who wanted to do this to Carl was already dead. He would love introduce him to Lucille and make him suffer.  
Negan finally sighed and leaned his forehead against the cold glass of the dirty window. Carl was still standing outside, talking to John. The only consolation for Negan was the space between them. And also a small gift that Negan left to Carl in memory.  
If that bastard thought there was a hickey, Negan would be happy to show him what a real hickey looks like.

For once, Carl was grateful it was cold outside. Without suspicios, he could wear a tied black scarf around his neck, which he found in a wardrobe, and no one paid attention.  
Damn Negan.  
But only one person in the entire Sanctuary noticed. And it was none other than Arat.

"Are you trying a new fashion?"  
Carl tried to shrug most generally as he continued to clean his weapon.  
He and Arat met in the armory. The next day they have a trip to Alexandria and Carl's first trip out as Savior. So Arat invited him to sit down, repeating to him what he needed to know. However, the teaching of the rules for looting the villages changed after a few minutes in questioning.  
"It's cold outside."  
"Carl ... Remember? Lying?"  
Carl just sighed irritably. He knew that Arat was finally succeeding. So he looked around, and when he was sure they were really alone, he took off his scarf.  
He knew what it looked like. And according to the shock he saw on Arat's face, it didn't miraculously improve during the day.  
"Well, fuck ... Did John do that to you ?!"  
"Try to guess again," Carl grinned sourly and quickly returned the scarf to his neck.  
"Shit ... I thought ... That you and John ..."  
"Negan saw us as we went hunting. By the way, very inconspicuous. What did you have to do? "  
Arat just laughed.  
"I thought a trip together would break the ice a little. But Negan ... What did he do? "  
"He waited for me when we returned. He had ... A few things he wanted to tell me about what I was doing with John. "  
Arat glanced down at Carl's neck and then back up.  
"I see he told you very thoroughly. Carl, it looks pretty ... "  
"What?"  
"Painfully," Arat said at last, a little reluctantly.  
"It's okay," Carl waved, reaching for the gun oil.  
,,Really?"  
Carl looked up from his gun at the table, noticing Arat's careful look.  
,,What do you mean?"  
"Looks like he's strangling you."  
"No one strangled me!"  
Arat shook her head.  
"I don't understand what you two have between you. I'd guess something else ... "  
"What do you mean, something else?"  
"You're like ... You look like someone who appreciates ... more gentle treatment?"  
"No one has treated me gently since the dead started walking around," Carl grinned.  
"That doesn't mean you don't deserve it. Is this really what you want? I think John would just ... be better? "  
Arat was right. John was everything one could want from a partner, at least in a full-blown apocalypse. Sensitive, considerate, charming.  
But Carl's interests apparently lay in another area.  
And then the door to the armory opened wide.  
"Carl, Arat ... Together again. I hope you're not planning another robbery. "  
"We're getting ready for tomorrow, boss," Arat nodded at the table where the weapons lay.  
Negan nodded, giving the weapons only a cursory glance.  
"Good ... I'll need you elsewhere Arat. Can you go check the cars? I have a feeling one of them is limping a little. And we have to be in perfect shape tomorrow, don't we, Carl? "  
Carl nodded hesitantly.  
"I'm on it, boss."  
Arat rose slowly, gave Carl one last look of concern, then left.  
Swallowing, Carl set the weapon down on the table.  
"So, how's our newest gang member, huh?"  
"We saw each other the day before yesterday."  
Negan didn't seem interested in the argument.  
"You have a big day tomorrow. I was wondering if you were really ready for that. "  
Carl felt anger bubbling inside him again. It was as if he could only feel excitement or anger in Negan's presence.  
,,What do you mean?"  
"They don't know you're Grimes. But I wonder what would happen if he had to choose between old and new family. "  
"I think I've made my choice," Carl said flatly, rising from his chair.  
"Leaving them is one thing. But would you be able to shoot? "  
"What the hell do you mean! Do you want me to go and shoot Rick? "  
Negan shrugged, as if talking only about the weather, still walking around the table, circling.  
"Just a theoretical talk, calm down."  
Carl had no idea what it was about, but that wasn't the topic he wanted to deal with. He headed for the door, determined to just leave. But in the blink of an eye, he found himself pressed against the door as he felt Negan's hot breath on his face.  
"I'm not done with you yet," Negan whispered, and as he wrapped one arm around Carl's waist, he ripped the scarf from Carl's neck and threw it to the ground.  
"What, don't you want anyone to see it? Anyone specific? "  
Carl knew where Negan was going.  
I look like someone strangled me, "Carl repeated the words Arat had told him.  
,,Maybe. At least some people realize they have to fuck off. "  
"I have nothing to do with him," Carl whispered shakily as Negan's other hand crept under Carl's jacket.  
,,Really? Last time you spoke a little differently. How did you say that, huh? That you can do what the fuck you want? "  
Carl sometimes really hated that he sometimes spoke faster than he thought. Yes, he said it. But it was one of a million things he thought completely differently.  
"You know what I mean," Carl said weakly after a moment's silence.  
Negan's fingers slowly began to unbuckle the belt at Carl's jeans. Carl barely swallowed a moan as Negan's hand got under the fabric of his jeans and grabbed his dick without hesitation.  
"That's what I want to hear," Negan nodded contentedly.  
It really didn't take Carl long to be painfully hard. The movements were too slow, the grip too loose. He knew Negan had done it on purpose.  
"Do you remember what I asked you once in your old room, in that moldy hole?"  
Carl couldn't think, like remember something as unimportant as a conversation in his old room. But then the grip of Negan's hand tightened a little and he got another loud moan from Carl.  
,, What ... Damn! What do you think?!"  
"I asked you if there was someone for whom your heart was beating faster," Negan reminded him hideily, as if he didn't have one hand in Carl's pants. "Do you remember the answer?"  
Carl nodded quickly, grateful to be rewarded at a slightly faster pace. But it still wasn't enough. It was as if he were on the edge.  
"Good ... Such a good boy," Negan praised him, mapping Carl's chest with his other hand.  
Carl winced as Negan ran his fingernails over one of his nipples. It was like an electric shock.  
"Damn, you're still so sensitive," Negan murmured, shamelessly rubbing against Carl.  
Carl closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of a bulge pushing against his ass. So little would be enough...  
"Tell me ... Has your answer changed in any way?"  
"This isn't fair," Carl whimpered.  
Negan's hand picked up just the right speed to reduce Carl's vocabulary to moans and pleas.  
"Answer me," Negan urged, whispering softly in his ear. "And I'll get you there."  
,,No..."  
"Hm?"  
"It hasn't changed!"  
"I knew it," Negan laughed smugly, his voice dark and full of promise. "I told you it should fucking stay that way ... Remember that."  
Carl nodded. A few quick movements of Negan's hand were enough, and with the last moan, Carl felt himself slacken in Negan's arms.  
"Good," Negan repeated quietly. "Good boy ..."


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is new chapter. Plot is twisting!

The next day, after a quick breakfast, Carl and the other people found themselves waiting in the courtyard. Two trucks parked at the gate.  
"So, big day?"  
Carl turned to Dwight, who was standing next to him, checking his guns with a cheerful whistle.  
"Yeah, you could say that."  
"Our little boy, he's on his first raid," Dwight grinned, and the people around him started laughing with him.  
At least Carl was grateful it was a pretty nice laugh. There were still a few people who might rather see him dead in a ditch by the road than between them, but those people could shut up. So Carl was satisfied.  
"You're already here!"  
Arat appeared beside Carl and nodded at the people around them.   
,,What are we waiting for?"  
"Negan."  
"Mistake, my dear colleagues! Get in the cars, let's go! "  
Carl watched Negan walk around vigorously and people followed him. He planned to do the same, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.  
"How ... How was yesterday?"  
"He just wanted to talk," Carl replied.  
Arat raised her eyebrows with clear doubts, then tapped Carl's neck.  
"Just talk? This in itself speaks quite clearly. "  
Carl ran his fingers a little nostalgically over the red scarf tied around his neck.  
"There were a few things we had to deal with."

"So, do you know a plan?"  
Carl sighed irritably and rolled his eyes at Arat.  
,,Yes! We'll get there, I'll stick with you, watch over. If anyone starts acting weird, I'll tell you. If someone starts shooting, I'll start shooting too. And I will protect Negan, even though he thinks he doesn't need it ."  
Arat nodded.  
,,Okay. You're supposed to stick with me today, and I'm sticking with Negan. So we have to follow him, unless he says otherwise. Which I doubt. I think he likes to brag about you to your friends from Alexandria. "  
There were other people sitting around them, so Carl was damn grateful that Arat didn't elaborate. Her omniscient gaze was enough.  
"Fine ... And what will we do between this time? While loading things? ”  
"Walking around, arousing terror," Arat shrugged and tapped the rifle on her leg. "It keeps people calm and obey."  
Walk and arouse terror. That didn't sound too complicated.

Carl hoped everything would be fine. However, upon arrival it was clear that something was really, really wrong.  
The people of Alexandria were tense. The locals walked around them, watching them. When Carl looked at the other Saviors, it was clear to him that he was not the only one who noticed.  
But they continued as usual. Rick appeared on the street in a few minutes, Negan decided it was the perfect time for a nonsensical speech. Carl didn't listen much, but rather watched the surroundings.

"It seems to me, or is it not enough," say Negan and point with bat at pile of things waiting for the Saviors to be taken away.  
"That's all we have," Rick gritted his teeth, visibly barely holding his anger in check.  
"I doubt it damn well," Negan said, pointing wide-pointing at the houses around them. "I think at least in each of those nice houses there will be something I would like. So I think you'll either tell me where the rest of my stuff is or I'll go get it myself. "  
The noise around them intensified. Arat nodded slightly at Carl, who gripped his rifle tighter. He didn't like it at all. And Negan didn't help.  
"We have little ourselves," Rick snapped angrily. "What the hell else do I have to give you!"  
"Half!" Shouted Negan. "It's supposed to be a fucking half! But if I remember correctly, I fucking determine what half is!"  
Carl saw it out of the corner of his eye. Rosita stepped out of the crowd, aimed her weapon at Negan, and fired.  
Carl turned to Negan with a scared scream. And he didn't believe what he saw. Exactly where the bullet should hit him was the damn bat. And a jammed bullet in the middle of the bat.  
Carl turned back, his rifle aimed at Rosita. Beside him, Arat stepped forward without hesitation and knocked Rosita to the ground with a fist.  
"Fuck!" Negan shouted, glancing at the bat. "You shot Lucille! You bitch!"  
"Should I kill her?" Arat asked, kneeling on Rosita's chest.  
"No ... No, don't kill her," Negan chuckled, switching mood in one second.  
Carl didn't like how crazy Negan looked.  
Negan turned to Rick, who was standing nearby, shock and horror inscribed on his face.  
"All right, Grimes ... I wanted to be nice to you. You know, from an old acquaintance. But it seems that here I will have to remind people with whom they have the honor ... Kneel, everyone! "  
The people of Alexandria looked at each other in confusion for a few seconds, but in the end reluctantly obeyed.  
"Damn ... I was hoping, I was fucking hoping that today would be fine. But you just don't seem to learn a damn fucking lesson ... "  
"Negan, this was ..."  
,,Shut up! I don't care what you think! "  
Rick was silence.  
Negan walked among the kneeling people for a moment. Then he nodded at the Saviors standing nearby and began pointing at the individual people of Alexandria.  
"That ... That too ... Um ... this ... Ah, I haven't had china in a long time! You will go too! "  
The saviors pulled each selected person to the front of the crowd. The rest of the Saviors surrounded the kneeling group in the back.  
Carl looked around the front group and froze slightly. Glenn, Abraham. There was Maggie, crying on the ground, next to her was Michonne. Maggie still didn't look very well. Her condition did not seem to have improved much. And she looks quite pregnant. Interesting.  
"Rick, don't stay behind! Kneel down to your people so they can see that you are with them in every life situation! And bring the bitch here! I want her to have the best view! "  
Arat pulled Rosita to a place near the group and with one kick below the knee she got her back on the ground.  
"Fine ... So, at noon, it became an assassination attempt ..."  
"You deserve it, you bastard!" screamed Rosita.  
Arat silenced her with a hit to the head. Carl noticed Abraham trying to get to his feet before he was hit by Savior, who was standing behind him. And Carl didn't seem to be the only one who see it.  
"You think you're brave, don't you?" Negan laughed coldly and took a random step toward the middle of the group. "Do you think we'll just kill you and it's all over? No no, little girl, there's something much better!  
Carl had never actually seen it with his own eyes. He heard stories. Both the horrors of the people of Alexandria and the admiration of the Saviors. But when the first blow fell on Abraham's head, Carl knew that no damn story could prepare him for this.  
It was so primitive, full of harsh and untamed energy. Negan waited for nothing and hit and hit until Abraham's body slid to the ground. And then he continued. There was crying and desperate screams of locals in the street. But Carl could only focus on Negan.  
He didn't stop until there was literally a mess of Abraham's head. Not far from him, Rosita cried loudly and begged, but no one listened.  
"Fuck ... It's been a while," Negan chuckled, swing with bloody bat around himself. Some blood splashed on the face of people kneeling on the ground. Rick seemed to faint. He was as pale as death, trembling. Negan squatted in front of him and tapped him on the shoulder with a bloody bat.  
"So, do you think you've learned your lesson?"  
But Negan did not receive an answer. Carl doubed he could even speak. Rick kept staring down and the others were silent, too.  
Negan stand up visibly irritated and shook his head.  
"You know, sometimes I feel like you'd be more useful to me as dead. You've only been in trouble since you showed up in this fucking hole and stuffed yourself in the lead. But it seems that one interesting thing has appeared here ... So, will anyone from the loosers tell me where this pretty, small, home-made bullet came from? "  
Carl didn't miss the way people on the ground looked at each other. Apparently much more had happened here during his absence than it might have seemed.  
But everyone was still silent.  
Negan waited a moment. It came to Carl as if it were an eternity. But when it was clear to everyone that none of the locals wanted to answer the questions, without any warning, he swung his bat again and struck Michonne.  
Rick tried to get to his feet with a terrible painfull scream, but soon ended up on the ground. Dwight pressed him down, the barrel of his rifle pressed against his head. Rick just stared helplessly as Negan beat Michonne to death after a few blows.  
Carl felt a strange shiver. Michonne was a friend before all things sucked. But she was also another of the many people who were still kneeling on the ground, not far from him, and left him lying there, in that damn house as it burned and walkers walked outside.  
Maybe it was karma.  
For the last time, Negan struck the pile of bloody mush that had once been Michonne's head with his bat. Carl noticed the strange deviation of Negan's eyes. As if the desire to kill began to engulf him.  
Carl could understand that.  
,,So what now? Hm? Will anyone finally fucking say something? Rick? "  
Rick slowly rose from the ground and looked at Negan. Carl didn't remember ever looking at someone with such hatred.  
"I'll kill you ... Not today ... But I'll kill you one day ..."  
Negan was clearly not impressed by this statement. He just laughed.  
,, Great. Fucking perfect. So we'll probably have to pick someone else. What about the pretty young lady in the front row, huh? She looks pretty lousy from the point of view, maybe it will be better to end her suffering! "  
"No!" Came from the back row. "Leave her alone!"  
Carl looked back. And he saw Eugene stepping to his feet.  
"I ... I make them ..."  
,,You? So in your free time, you make bullets and play Elvis? "  
The Saviors around began to laugh. Carl couldn't do it. He still felt that he had to be alert, as if someone had jumped out at any moment and tried to kill Negan a second time.  
Eugene nodded. Negan finally grunted in agreement and pointed to the spot in front, where Eugene had finally set out with a little encouragement.  
"So you're our little ammunition manufacturer. I don't remember approving something like that, eh? What are you keeping from me here? "  
People looked at each other again. And that seemed to be the last impulse Negan needed.  
,, Simon? Call other people. I want two more trucks. Right now! "


	24. Chapter 24

It took an absurdly short time for more trucks full of Saviors to appear in Alexandria. Perhaps as if they were waiting around the corner. 

The locals were still kneeling on the ground. Carl felt as if they were sitting on a barrel full of gunpowder, waiting for it to explode. 

When other people arrived, Negan gave orders in quick succession. Some set out to help the original group secure local people. The rest stood ready in the background. 

Carl did not expect to have a major role in all this. In the meantime, he was doing what Arat had told him. He stood beside her, watching. But after a moment, Negan appeared beside them, a rather manic smile on his face. 

"I think now is your time," Negan said solemnly, patting Carl on the back. 

He pushed him forward with a gentle pressure until Carl stood in front of a group of kneeling people. Carl saw the looks - disgusted, disbelieving. But mostly just pure hatred. Rick didn't look at him at all. 

"So, since I probably won't get any cooperation from you, it will be like this - you will kindly stay here and keep my people company. Me and the rest will walk through every fucking house in this fucking hole you call home. And let's take everything. Literally fucking everything we will like. If you have any objections, you have your Star Commander Prick here! " 

The Saviors looked more than excited to just break in and start looting. 

"Well, Carl and I will take care of Mr. Grimes house here. The rest, do as you think. Take what you fucking want, "Negan waved. 

The Saviors ran to the houses. Negan turned to the other half of the group guarding the locals. 

"If anyone moves, shoot. I don't care who it is, "he added, nodding to several young people crouching with their parents. 

,,So. You lived here. I want everything that at least looks interesting. " 

Carl nodded slightly. He knew the places where Rick hid his weapons and good things. As they walked down the hall to Rick's bedroom with Negan, they were both stopped by the sound of a child crying. 

"What the fuck ..." 

Carl watched, somewhat frightened, as Negan opened the room door curiously and found Judith there. 

Judith stood in her crib, her face red and wet with tears. He must have heard gunfire and screams from outside. Without hesitation, Carl walked around Negan and took Judith in his arms. 

"Shh, it´s ok," he said soothingly, pressing her tightly against him. 

God, how he missed the little girl. He tried to deny it, but it was his family. 

"You didn't tell me you were a single mother!" 

Carl just rolled his eyes. 

"It's Judith. She's my sister. " 

"I don't want to look like a racist, but she doesn't look much like the chick Rick probably fucked with, who's out on the ground right now." 

"Rick is not her father," Carl muttered, stroking Judith's hair. "She's my mom's daughter. But not Rick." 

Negan grinned broadly and leaned against the wall. 

"I feel the plot. Tell me those juicy details! " 

Carl didn't think anything juicy about it. 

"Mom got pregnant while Rick was in a coma. He was shot while he was in action. We thought he wouldn't wake up, he was out. When it started, we fled. Then he found us. I don't know exactly how it was, I was younger but ... Well, in the end, when Mom gave birth, she died. " 

"And the father of the child?" 

"Rick fought him and stabbed him. He died, but then returned. I shot him. " 

"Wow ... a little killer in training," Negan laughed, nodding at Judith. "So Rick is raising a kid who isn't his." 

Carl shrugged. 

"He takes Judith as his own." 

"Sad," Negan laughed. 

Carl put Judith back in bed with one last kiss in the hair and handed her a stuffed animal she had to throw on the floor. 

"What do you want from here?" 

Negan grinned and pointed around. 

,,Everything." 

Carl had no problem finding Rick's stash under the window in the bedroom in the form of a few loose planks on the floor. Weapons, alcohol, letters. While Negan didn't hesitate and took a bottle of alcohol, Carl tossed the letters. It was as if Rick was dating someone named Ezekiel. Carl wasn't familiar with this name. Was Rick looking for help? 

Carl took all the letters he found and stuffed them in his pocket. Later he had to find time and read everything carefully. 

"Rick is a terrible bastard," Negan said suddenly, sitting down on the bed. "It could have been such a damn beautiful visit!" 

"He doesn't care what you take. He hates you anyway. " 

"Wow, thanks for the words of consolation," Negan snorted. 

Carl pushed the loose planks into place and stand up from the floor. Negan reached out and Carl pulled himself closer. 

"Red suits you, you know that?" 

Carl just laughed softly. 

"You are like a dog marking its territory." 

Negan pulled Carl to his lap without hesitation. 

"And you're against it, aren't you?" 

Carl didn't answer and instead hugged Negan around the neck. 

"Well, see ... Aren't you cuddly today?" 

"Shut up," Carl murmured. 

Negan hugged Carl around the waist with a soft laugh. 

,,What's happening?" 

"I thought ... How she shoot at you..." 

,,Do not think about it. She got what she deserves. " 

"I should have shot her." 

"If it pleases you, feel free to shoot her. I don't give a shit. " 

Carl nodded. He could. Maybe it would make his day better. 

"We have to keep working. We have a lot of houses that we have to loot. Maybe I'll find something nice for my wives ... " 

And it was here again. Carl sat up so fast that he almost fell to the ground. 

,,What?!" 

Negan grinned, ignoring the threat in Carl's voice. 

,,There are many of them. They still want something. " 

"Maybe you should finally get rid of them," Carl growled, clutching the hem of Negan's leather jacket. 

"I'm not the type to do dirty work ... I have people to do it ..." 

Carl had another comment on his tongue that he wanted to throw in Negan's face. But then he stopped, watching Negan's grin slowly darken. 

Interesting ... 

"I was expecting something more," Negan muttered angrily, looking around the living room. 

In the center of the room was a large box into which Carl put everything Negan pointed to. He was lying on the sofa, waving a bat around. 

Carl brushed his sweaty hair from his forehead and looked around the room. The room looked ready to move in, almost empty. Carl had no idea what all those things Negan wanted, but he didn't ask. 

"There are two houses left, boss," Arat said from the doorway. "But locals outside are nervous. I don't know how long it will last." 

,,What are you afraid of? If they try anything, shoot them. " 

"If we shoot everyone, who will work for you," Carl snorted, throwing a candlestick into the box. 

Surprisingly, Negan seemed to be thinking about it. He stood up and pointed to the door with an exaggerated nod. 

"Finish this house, we'll start packing." 

The loading of all those crates was endless. Carl joined Arat to guard the people while the others loaded the boxes. 

,,How it looks?" 

"I'd rather get out of here," Arat muttered. "I don't mind the fight, but this pisses the people off." 

Carl could only agree. 

"Arat ... Do you know Negan's wives better?" 

,,Why are you asking?" 

"Just like that ... Lately I've been quite interested in what kind of woman it should be that would tolerate this ..." 

"A lot of us have probably said that," Arat nodded. "Negan isn't behaving very well to them. That some of them are there as insurance. Or in exchange for something else. Usually probably so that Negan doesn't kill their family. I don't know what the rest is. " 

Carl memorized the information carefully. 

Arat didn't seem completely suspicious about the subject, apparently because she still paid most of her attention to the kneeling people a short distance away. 

"I think I know Sherry the most. But I think it's fucking mess. She slept with Dwight, they love each other, then Negan grabbed her and ironed Dwight's face with a hot iron. That's why Dwight looks the way he does. Sherry then begged Negan on her knees that it was a mistake and blabbering on. I think he believed her. Honestly, Negan thinks a lot about himself when it comes to women. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't think any of them can resist him. " 

Carl could only agree. Negan had an ego of incredible size. Unfortunately, mostly based on real foundations. 

But the information about Sherry sounded interesting. Maybe another thing Carl will have to do later. 

After returning from Alexandria, Carl took refuge in the library. Well, it was just a room full of books in piles. The Saviors seemed to be collecting everything they could get their hands on. Carl wasn't very interested in reading at the moment, but it was an ideal place to meet and not be seen or heard. 

He just had to wait a while. He knew he was not alone in looking for this place. So as soon as he heard the door open, he looked at the book on his lap, pretending to read. 

"Oh ... I'm sorry, I ... didn't know ..." 

Carl raised his head and looked at Amber, who was standing at the door in surprise. 

"Never mind," Carl smiled warmly and nodded at the books. "There's plenty of room for two." 

Amber nodded again after a moment's obvious hesitation and closed the door behind her. 

"Doesn't he know when I'm here?" 

Carl shook his head and pointed to an empty chair at the table where he was sitting. 

"No, I just ... I was looking for a place to hide for a while. There's a lot of it." 

Amber nodded gratefully and placed the book she had brought with her on the table. Carl bowed his head to his book, planning the next step.


	25. Chapter 25

Carl was almost sorry. But only almost. 

Amber turned out to be a pretty good girl. It took a couple of "random" meetings in the library to start talking about her past. 

Carl really didn't care where the girl used to go to school or what had happened to her best friend. But what intrigued him was the fact that her husband was here, in the Sanctuary. And Amber seemed very eager to see him. 

Carl always thought of himself as a man who helped others. So if Amber wanted to see her husband, what would Carl not do! 

It only cost a little strength. After all, the library was really deserted most of the time. It was enough to push Amber's idea. Carl repeatedly assured her that he would make sure no one went to the library. 

Amber trusted him. He confided in her about his hard life, how Negan had saved him, Carl owed him his life. And Amber sympathized with him, describing almost the same situation she was in. So when he offered her this opportunity, a few hours with her husband, alone, without fear of being caught, she accepted without hesitation. 

Then it was enough to wait a while. Carl may have forgotten to tell Amber that he made an appointment with Negan the same evening, in the same room. Carl was hidden around the corner, at the very end of the hall, but he could still hear the exact moment Negan found the couple. 

One wife down. 

"You planned it, didn't you?" 

Carl continued to clean his weapon, ignoring Negan, who was standing behind him. 

,,What do you think?" 

"Who would say that to you ... Amber said all along that you cheated on her ... She cried a lot when I shot her husband ..." 

"I don't know anything," Carl shrugged and began to put the gun together. "I just heard some gossip ..." 

He was pretty good at it. Repetition apparently really made a master. 

After a moment, Carl felt Negan lean closer to him, close enough to whisper in his ear. 

"She claimed you used her." 

,,Really? Maybe I should talk to her, explain it to her. " 

"She's gone." 

"Damn ... Then I won't make it ..." 

Carl's red scarf fell into his lap in a few seconds as Negan's palm slowly wrapped around Carl's throat. 

"Do you want to continue?" 

"Will you send the others away?" 

"No ... I haven't had this fun in a long time ..." 

Carl tilted his head back, feeling the grip on Negan's palm tighten a little. 

"Damn ... So willing ... I can't stop fucking thinking about you ..." 

This silent confession was like fuel for Carl's desire. 

"I want you to think of me," Carl whispered boldly, his fingers crossing Negan's palm. "Always. Even if you're with them ..." 

"Fuck ..." 

"I'm thinking of you too," Carl whispered in his confession. 

,,When?" 

"When I touch myself ... I think of you ... How did you touch me ..." 

The grip on Carl's neck tightened dangerously. Carl gasped, but stayed where he was. 

"Who would say that to you ... So determined to get into my bed ..." 

Carl knew that such things should humiliate him. This wasn't what he was after. Or at least not only that. But now, now everything was different. 

"Keep going ... But let it be interesting ..." 

Negan had no idea why he was doing this. 

All his wives were with him for some reason. Security of the settlement, supplies, whatever one remembered. And he just shot one of them. 

As soon as the initial anger at what Amber had done was over, and the people around him got rid of the two bodies left in the library, Negan began to think. 

Was Carl really capable of that? The boy has changed so much. 

Negan thought for a moment that he would do what Carl wanted. But he never expected Carl to take things into his own hands. 

Maybe it wasn't the wisest to support him. But Carl was so beautiful, longing for revenge, burning like the brightest fire. 

Negan would hardly mind burning with him. 

,,What are you reading?" 

Carl nodded at Arat and looked back at the letters he had found at Rick's house. 

,, Letters. Rick is obviously looking for help fighting the Saviors. he came in contact with someone named Ezekiel. " 

,,Ezekiel? Show it to me ... " 

Arat read the letter quietly for a moment. 

"I'm not familiar with it. What does the boss say?" 

,,Nothing. I didn't tell him. " 

Arat raised her head incomprehensibly from the letter. 

"Why the hell not?" 

"Because there is nothing there! Just Rick's chatter and one letter from Ezekiel, where he wants to meet in person. There is no time, no place, nothing. " 

"It's very vague ... But he should know. Maybe he knows something himself ... " 

Carl finally nodded. He could try. 

Carl went up a metal staircase to the floor where Negan had a room. Along the way, he tried to figure out what he was going to tell Negan. The letters were really very vague. Maybe some tracking? Ask around? 

The noise of the door opening tore Carl out of his thoughts. Votes. Carl recognized Negan. And the woman? 

Carl hid behind the corner. After a while, a woman passed by. Carl recognized her safely - Sherry. 

Sherry stopped at the beginning of the stairs, pulled a cigarette out of the box, and lit it. 

"Bastard," she muttered to herself, sniffing her cigarette. "Disgusting ..." 

Carl acted instinctively. As quietly as he could, he crept around the corner and followed Sherry. She must have heard him as she turned. But Carl was faster and a with hard hit knocked Sherry down the stairs. 

Carl watched with satisfaction as Sherry rolled down, where she had to hit her head on the wall. Then she just lay helpless on the ground. 

Sad. Really sad. He might have to go to Negan some other time. 

The morning was busy. Carl came to the dining room, thanked him, picked up a bowl of breakfast at the lady's seat, and sat down at the table. 

But as he looked around to see who was present, he noticed people watching him. 

These were usually more curious glances. Maybe a little annoying, but over time, it's quite gone. People around him just got used to him and his appearance. But now people were watching him with something that could only be suspicious, mixed with fear. 

"Carl?" 

Carl turned to the girl, who came hesitantly to the table. 

,,Yes?" 

"You have to come to Negan. He wants to talk to you. He's waiting in his bedroom. " 

It was as if the talking in the entire dining room had stopped and everyone was listening. Carl just nodded and left without another look. 

Carl knocked on the bedroom door, waited for the call, then walked inside. 

"Did you want to see me?" 

Negan turned from the window where he stood and nodded. 

"Yes ... Sit down ..." 

Carl sat up slowly. Negan didn't look like anything had happened. He just stood at the window, looking out. His jacket was on the sofa, a glass of alcohol in his hand. 

,,Is something wrong?" 

Negan drank from a glass and turned away from the window. 

"I had a pretty nice evening last night. You know what - alcohol, some sex ... But then my wife had an accident. Imagine that, she fell down the stairs. " 

"Sounds awful," Carl nodded slowly. "Will she be okay?" 

"Hardly," Negan grinned, setting the glass on the table and stopping right in front of Carl. Carl tilted his head so he could look Negan in the eye. 

"She broke her neck." 

Carl had no idea. 

Two wives down. 

"Terrible ... it's probably these shoes with heels ..." 

"Do you know that rumors are beginning to spread? Something about our newest member murdering my wives. The other wives are pretty nervous about it ... " 

"They still have a chance to leave," Carl shrugged. 

Negan was silent for a moment, running his fingers over Carl's hair. Carl put all his strength into looking up. But to hell with that ... 

Carl knew it would be big. After all, he had sat Negan on his lap several times. The memory alone was like the hot feeling that flowed through Carl's body. But he was never that close. And even little Negan seemed glad to see him. 

Well, not exactly a little. 

"Carl ... Up here ..." 

"No, thanks, I'm fine here." 

Negan's grip on his hair tightened. 

"Open your pretty mouth..."


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex time is here! Thanks for your support guys, 2400 hits, that's amazing!

Carl's breath caught in his throat. With trembling hands, he slowly unbuckled the buckle on Negan's belt.  
"Okay ... Go on ..."  
Carl often imagined this. He was brave in his mind, just grabbed Negan by his dick and showed him the best he could with his mouth.  
But this was the reality.  
"What, huh?"  
"Never ... You know what ..."  
"Are you trying to pretend to be a blushing virgin? Are you telling me you weren't on your knees for that bastard? "  
Carl shook his head quickly, as only the grip on his hair allowed.  
,,No!"  
,,No?"  
"Just ... Just for you ..."  
"Fuck, darling ... Go on. I'll show you what to do. I bet you'll fucking like it ... "  
Carl nodded a little and started unbuttoning his jeans. And in a moment he had Negan's cock in his hand.  
Damn it.  
Without waiting, he wrapped his arm around him and ran slowly up and down, as if trying to see what would happen. According to the low moan that came out of Negan, it must have felt good.  
"Yeah, that's right ... Get used to it ... Soon my dick will be here just for you ..."  
Carl leaned closer with a low, pleased grunt.  
"How soon?" He breathed excitedly.  
"How fast can you kill?"  
Instead of answering, Carl stuck out his tongue and ran over the tip of Negan's dick. His first taste spilled over his tongue, and Carl immediately leaned in for another taste.  
"Yeah, go ahead, lick it ... I knew it. Whenever I saw you kneel on the ground, I knew it. I knew this was where you were supposed to be ... "  
Carl took a deep breath and tried to put the tip in his mouth. It wasn't much, and yet he felt his lips spread around.  
Somewhere in the corner of his mind he knew it's not going to be the best Negan has ever had to experience. On the contrary. He tries to get in as much as possible, almost chocking himself several times. But Negan didn't seem to care.  
Suddenly, Negan backed away. Carl felt saliva run down his chin. But he let it be.  
"Fuck, look at you ... You look like a hungry whore ..."  
Carl couldn't keep a pleased moan as he felt the words affect him. There was something really wrong with him. And Carl loved it.  
"Come on, let's make it a little more comfortable ..."

It turned out to be comfortable that Negan sat down on the couch while Carl knelt between his outstretched legs. Negan left one hand tangled in Carl's hair, a light pressure forcing Carl's head up and down.  
"That's it ... slowly ... Swallow it ..."  
Carl felt the tip of his dick poke into the back of his neck. He tried to win away almost automatically, but Negan's firm hand held him down. Carl forced his nose to breathe and relax. And then Negan did it again and again.  
Somewhere in the corner of Carl's mind, it occurred to him how long it would take to get a whole Negan dick down his throat. It would definitely be hours. Carl doubted Negan would mind.  
It was endless minutes. Carl tried to devote himself fully to Negan, but the compulsive need to touch himself destroyed him.  
"It hurts, doesn't it?" Negan laughed mockingly.  
Carl nodded and whimpered desperately as Dick dug deeper in his mouth. He tried to speed up his movements, desperately sucking a dick in his mouth until he heard a louder and louder moan.  
"Yeah, go on ... More ..."  
It was like a second that lasted forever. All he could think about was swallowing everything that squirted into his mouth.  
"Shit ... Give me a minute ..."  
Carl licked his lips and looked at Negan from under his lashes. He had never seen Negan so depraved, his expression open, full of subtle affection and obsessive hunger.  
"So nice ..."  
Carl whimpered and rested his head on Negan's knee. He was so hard, horny, his desire throbbed through his body, and Carl had no idea how long he could last. He barely noticed Negan, who pushed him to the ground with his palm and knelt beside him.  
"What, huh?"  
"Negan ... Please ..."  
"I love it when you ask," Negan growled, running a hand over Carl's body. "You'll do as I tell you, okay?"  
Carl nodded eagerly. He would promise Negan anything.  
"Take off your jeans, take it all off ..."  
Carl might be ashamed at another time. Maybe hesitated a little. But now, not now.  
"Beautiful," Negan muttered absently, his palm almost burning into the skin on Carl's bare thigh.  
,,Please..."  
"Lick your fingers...”  
Carl felt as if his heart had stopped. But he obeyed. He clasped two fingers between his lips and licked them, leaving saliva dripping on his bare chest.  
"Good ... You know what's next. Open that little tight hole. "  
Carl no longer took into account how desperate he must have sounded and how loud he had to moan. He ran his fingers down, first stroking his dick himself before moving on. This is the first time. Of course, he thought about it. But always in connection with Negan. He thought it would be him who would do it. It never occurred to him to do it to himself, under Negan's supervision.  
Negan looked like the embodiment of sin. His jeans were still unbuttoned, giving Carl a clear view of the evidence that Negan had apparently begun to like the show.  
Carl ran his fingertip over the wrinkled, surprised how sensitive the place was. Try to push lightly until the tip of his finger slips inside.  
"Right," Negan murmured, staring between Carl's outstretched legs. "Can you feel it?"  
Carl nodded, and tried to push again. His finger finally drove deeper. Carl groaned out loud, enjoying the new sense of fulfillment.  
If one finger felt this way, how could two feel? Three? What about Negan? He was so big ...  
,,What do you think? Hm? Do I fit in there? I see that hungry hole swallows your skinny finger ... You'll need a lot more fingers ... "  
Carl nodded. He knew it. God, he couldn't wait to be full to bursting.  
Negan leaned closer until it was enough for Carl to lift his head a little so they could kiss.  
"We can go on," Negan whispered, reaching down and replacing Carl's finger with one smooth motion. "Just stretch you a little more... I know you can take it ..."  
Carl could swear he had never heard anything more tempting. It was true. It was enough to keep his legs spread and let Negan do what he could do so well.  
But...  
Carl finally shook his head slightly. He had to do it. He promised it himself.  
"Damn ... You're so stubborn," Negan moaned in frustration.  
Negan pulled his finger out and took Carl's dick in his hand. His movements were fast, a little rough, but Carl wouldn't trade it.  
"Next time," Negan said with a dark promise. "Next time you fucking finally give me your virgin hole. And I'm not done with you until this hole is pretty wet and used and you're full of my cum."  
That was enough for Carl to finish, his cry of pleasure swallowed by Negan's hungry kiss.  
"Damn ... I should have fed you my cock a long time ago ..."  
Carl laughed, suddenly as if he had realized the absurdity of the situation.  
"You have a magic dick."  
"Yeah, I do, ask who you want," Negan grinned, finally closing his jeans.  
Carl sat shakily and looked around. He needed to wash.  
"Yeah, I'm going to ask. I don't want to hear anything more but stories about howgood you're in bed. "  
"I still have about 6 wives, still alive ... Maybe if you don't just kill them, they'll tell you something."  
Carl just sighed. Again. Again, there had to be talk of wives. Even now, he was sitting naked in Negan's bedroom on the floor, covered in his own cum.  
Another reason to get rid of those whores.  
"You have that look again," Negan said suddenly.  
,,What?"  
"You're thinking about getting rid of them, aren't you?"  
Carl looked defiantly into Negan's eyes defiantly.  
"Do you want to save them from me? You feel sorry for them? "  
"A little," Negan admitted without shame. "Someone might say they don't deserve to die just because they're my wives."  
Carl laughed. Even to his own ears, it sounded hysterical. He rose quickly from the ground and began to dress without a word.  
"Carl, wait!"  
"Don't touch me!" Carl shouted as Negan reached out. "If you're so sorry for them, you can go after them and leave me alone!"  
"I didn't fucking say that! But you've already killed two people, Carl! Yeah, it's a fucking apocalypse, but you can't just walk around my factory and kill whoever you want! "  
Carl felt his heart jump out of his chest as anger rolled through his body. Wasn't Negan the one who supported him in all this? And now? Suddenly, were two murders too much?  
"Fine," Carl nodded at last, putting on his shirt quickly. "If it suits you so well, let's get back to what it was like before, what do you say?"  
"What the hell do you mean?" Negan asked menacingly.  
But not even the vision of the threat stopped Carl.  
"You can fucking guess! Keep your wives when you feel so sorry for them! Fuck them as you fucking want! But forget about me! "  
"Carl, damn it, stop it!"  
But Carl refused to wait for anything. Without looking back, he headed away, not forgetting to slam the door behind him.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is here! Sorry for late, Cyberpunk 2077 really beating my free time!

,,What happened?" 

Carl bit into the bread he had for lunch and looked at Arat, who sat next to him in the dining room. 

It's been a week since the incident. Carl hasn't seen Negan since. Maybe it was a result of Carl carefully avoiding him. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"You've been acting weird for a week. I can hardly see you. " 

"You see me now." 

"Smart-ass," Arat grinned. "What happened?" 

,,Nothing. I had a job. I was trying to find out something about the guy name Ezekiel. " 

,,And?" 

"Nothing definite," Carl sighed, pushing away an empty plate. "It's supposed to be a leader... Who knows... But now I have hunting day. It was long time I was outside, "Carl said after a moment. 

"Should I go with you?" 

"I already ask John ..." 

Arat visibly sharpened. 

"John?" I thought you were done with him. Because of Negan. " 

Carl was just silent. 

Arat sighed and shook her head. 

"Carl, be careful. You're playing a dangerous game ... " 

,,What do you mean?" 

Arat leaned closer, as if she didn't want anyone to hear them. 

"I met Negan several times during the week. He's angry. Lots of. And I think you already know how dangerous it can be. I don't know what your problem is together, but two people have already died here because of it. " 

"That's not my problem," Carl finally said, perhaps to convince himself. 

"What are we hunting today?" 

"I don't know," Carl sighed, looking around place where they stopped. "Anything moving?" 

John snorted and got out of the car. 

,,Good. Not far from here is a nice place to hide. " 

Carl nodded and got out. John headed for the trunk of the car, and Carl walked in the direction John had shown him. 

Maybe they could shoot some doe. Or a deer? Carl felt he just wanted to shoot something. Something that wasn't Negan's wife. 

Carl had in mind another consideration of what he would like to do to Negan's wives. But then he heard footsteps. And before he could turn around, everything disappeared in the dark. 

Carl blinked. The first thing he realized was the dull pain that pulsed through his skull. 

"Fuck ... It wasn't supposed to be like this!" 

,,Shut up!" 

Carl shook his head slightly. It was as if his head was full of cotton wool. After a while he realize that wherever he was, he was not alone. There seemed to be other people in the room with him. Carl used the hair that hung from his face and looked around carefully. 

He didn't recognize the room. Wooden walls, battered windows, one door. 

Carl finally raised his head. And he blinked in surprise. In the corner of the room stood Rick, next to him Dwight and another man Carl didn't recognize. 

"Finally," Rick sighed, noticing that Carl was conscious. 

Dwight turned to Carl. Carl noticed that he looked frightened. 

"We didn't agree on that!" Dwight shouted at last, shaking his head. "You should have watched him! He would take you to the Sanctuary! Not kidnap him!" 

The third man just laughed arrogantly. 

"Maybe we'll get some information from him. You said he was close to Negan. He will know a lot. " 

Carl grinned. So they kidnapped him to interrogate him? 

Dwight turned to Rick. 

"This was not a deal! You should have fucking watched him! Do you know what Negan will do when he finds out?" 

"Negan doesn't care about him," the third man waved, coming closer to Carl. "I hear he's got enough whores around him. He won't miss this one." 

The man looked at Carl as if waiting for a response. Carl wasn't interested in giving it. 

But Dwight just shook his head again and turned to Rick again. 

"You have to stop it!" 

Rick looked confused. Carl noticed that he'd looked like that often. 

"What the hell do you mean?" 

Dwight laughed hysterically. He looked a little insane. 

"Negan will be looking for him!" 

The third man shook his head and turned to Carl. 

"I doubt it. So, it's going to be like this - you're going to tell us everything Dwight didn't tell us here. And then maybe, but only maybe we'll leave you alive. " 

Carl laughed. 

"Wow," he nodded with a laugh. "Was that supposed to scare me?" 

The man reached out and slapped Carl hard. 

"You bastard! You will talk!" 

"That's enough!" Rick said. 

"Shut up!" The man shouted at him. "Only thanks to you are our people dead! Before you showed up, everything was fine! Then everything went to hell! Thanks to your little son who decided to become Negan's bitch! " 

"Carl," Rick said pleadingly. "You have to work with us! We can still save you!" 

"This bastard can't be saved," the man spat, grabbing Carl's hair. "You'll tell me everything in a moment ..." 

Carl had no idea how many hours had passed. It was always the same. Questions, no answers. Carl spat to the ground to soften the taste of blood in his mouth. He had no idea how many slaps he had already received, but the man seemed tired. And Carl´s face really hurt.

"Fuck this," the man growled, leaning against a nearby table. 

Carl noticed that as time went on, Dwight looked more and more nervous. 

"You know what he'll do to you, don't you?" Carl asked Dwight with a smirk. 

"Shut up," Dwight snapped. 

"What does he mean?" Rick asked cautiously. 

"Dwight knows that," Carl laughed coldly. 

"It's your fault! You killed Sherry! " 

That was the reason. So in the end, it seemed that the relationship between Dwight and Sherry was not a thing of the past, as Negan thought. 

"Sherry fell down the stairs," Carl said calmly. 

"You ... You killed her?" Rick asked in shock. 

"He killed Sherry! He killed Amber! " 

"Carl ... Damn," Rick sighed. "What happened to you ..." 

"I'll tell you what happened to him," Dwight said angrily. "Negan brainwashed him! He spent time with him, made him a soldier And then he started taking him to his bedroom! Everyone knew it! We thought he just wanted him in bed. But then Amber died and Negan didn't punish him. Then ... Sherry ... And what did Negan do? Nothing!" 

"This is pointless," the third man muttered, waving his hand. "We'll take him to jail. Maybe if we let him rot there for a few days, he'll think about what's good for him." 

So Carl got another punch and was out again. 

"Carl ... You have to work with us!" 

With a sigh, Carl leaned against the bars of his cell. Rick was persistent, he had to admit. 

,,What do you want from me? Hm? Where the Sanctuary is? Where are the weapons? What does Negan like for breakfast? " 

Rick growled in frustration and gripped the bars. 

"Do you realize that most people here want to see you dead?" 

Yes, Carl believed that. He still didn't know where he was imprisoned. Dwight and the third stranger locked him in jail in the basement of one of the houses and left. Carl guessed it had been two days since he was gone. He hoped someone would notice. 

He often thought about John. None of his captors mentioned what they did to him. Carl hoped he was alive. He didn't deserve to die just because he was with Carl at wrong time. And if he was alive and not imprisoned somewhere, he could alert the Saviors. 

Carl would love to go home. He was dirty, hungry. His face was dirty with his own blood, he was sure he had a slit lip. Carl's ribs weren't the best either, thanks to his escape efforts. 

"Yeah, I realize. And do you realize that when Negan finds out, he'll kill you? All of you?" 

"Carl, understand that. He doesn't care about you. He has you as a toy! Do you think that you are more important to him than the supplies he receives from this settlement? " 

Carl was tired of these conversations. He didn't need to hear that Negan didn't care. 

And so Carl was silent. Silence was the fastest way to get rid of Rick. In the end, Rick always left, mumbling something about stubbornness and childhood. And Carl was alone, again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments guys, you are trully fantastic!

Carl began to doubt. It's been a week since he was kidnapt. But no rescue happened. 

The days were the same. A little food, an interrogation, usually led by the mysterious third man who beat him like a dog, then the way back to the cell. 

Carl sometimes wondered what would happen if he told them everything. He knew a lot. Maybe more than Negan himself thought. Carl always managed to get where he needed to go unnoticed. Only a small part of his brain whispered to him to do so. Maybe then they would let him out, stop hurting him. 

But Carl always pushed the idea aside. He was Savior. And not because of Negan, but thanks to Negan. 

Arat never considered herself a believer. She's seen enough shit in her life to know that God was out of the game. 

But now, standing by Simon's side in the Hilltop courtyard, she was willing to pray to anyone just to make things better. 

"We have to find him," she muttered softly to Simon. 

"I know," Simon muttered back. 

They both then turned back to the scene in front of them. 

Hilltop's courtyard was covered with corpses. While Arat spoke to Simon, Negan continued to massacre the last survivor. 

Arat knew Negan well. Or at least she liked to think so. She saw him in a good mood and joking. She saw him suffer. She saw him lead the other Saviors into a battle that seemed hopeless and return as the winner. But Arat didn't remember when she saw Negan act like that ... What would be a good word? Insanely? Crazy? 

Carl was gone for a week. And everyone around Negan was painfully aware every single minute. Negan became increasingly angry and irritated. Even Simon, who was usually by Negan's side, preferred to stay away at this time. 

"Do you think he was taken to Alexandria? But they can't be so naive after all ... " 

"I think so," Simon nodded in agreement. "In addition, none of our people guarding the area saw our car, which the kidnappers were supposed to steal. I was hoping he'd be here. " 

Negan slammed the corpse into the head for the last time. Arat sighed softly. It all sucked. If they didn't find Carl soon, Arat didn't want to know where Negan might have gotten. She would never have imagined that it was so serious between them. She knew Carl was in love with Negan. Everyone must have seen it. The boy really couldn't lie. But she didn't expect Negan to feel the same way. 

She hoped so. Just because she didn't want to be there when Negan broke Carl's heart. The boy was so clean, kind. For all he did, what he become, he was just a boy. And he didn't deserve to lose the last good thing he had left. 

John would be better for Carl. At least that was what Arat thought. Negan didn't look like someone willing to acknowledge Carl's existence in public in some romantic way. He never did it with his wives, with anybody. But then Carl disappeared and Negan decided to turn the world upside down to find him. 

It would be sweet, romantic. One disappears and the other tries to find him at all costs. But this was a fucking apocalypse. So Negan's search was lined with corpses and death. 

Arat didn't mind. She knew well what group she had joined years ago. So she was used to killing. But despite all that, she was still a little shocked at how aggressive Negan had been able to kill people these days who couldn't tell him where Carl was. 

"At least there's food and weapons," Simon sighed as Negan began barking orders at the people around him. "Come on, let's pick it up and get out." 

Arat nodded thoughtfully and went to do her job. 

"I don't know," Arat sighed in frustration. "I don't know the fuck anymore." 

"We must have missed something. No one was on Hilltop. I think Alexandria is out of the game. And Grimes had no people anywhere else. " 

Arat nodded slowly, still replaying in her head the conversations she had with Carl. She couldn't remember anything important that would ... 

Wait! 

"Ezekiel ..." 

,,What?" 

"When we returned from Alexandria, Carl said he found some letters from Grimes in the house. They mentioned the name Ezekiel. Carl wanted to find out who it was, but then he disappeared ... " 

"Ezekiel ... It doesn't tell me anything ... Who the fuck is that?" 

"I don't know, it doesn't tell me anything. But it must mean something. The letters were said to have been hidden. If he was just a friend, he would have no reason to hide them ... " 

"Um ... One of our groups was outside under investigation a few weeks ago. I ask them if he knows anyone by that name ... " 

Arat nodded gratefully. It wasn't a big chance, but better than nothing. 

Kingdom. Arat wanted to laugh desperately. How could such a large settlement escape their attention? 

Simon was right. He almost always was. People from the group who was on the survey knew the name Ezekiel. And they could immediately point to the map and tell the details. Simon took over the gathering of information, while Arat was given the task of informing Negan. 

"And what should I tell him? Don't you want to wait? Until we find out something more? " 

Confused, Simon set down the map, indicating the Kingdom's supposed location, 

"Do you want to keep it from him?" 

"When we point the finger at the map, Negan takes the trucks and burns the place to the ground," Arat hissed, pulling Simon aside. ,,Did you see him? Did you see what he did on Hilltop? He could have gone there alone! He just walk and kill, he doesn´t need us!" 

"If he finds out we hid it from him, we'll burn," Simon said. "And he'll find out. Plus, if Carl really stays there, we're playing for time. You know what they want from him. Information. And do you think they'll just ask him? They'll beat it out of him! Fuck, maybe he's already dead! And do you know what happens if Negan finds out that Carl is dead? " 

Arat took a shaky breath. Yeah, she could imagine that. If Negan was so crazy just because of Carl's disappearance, she didn't want to be around if Carl couldn't do it. 

Damn. 

"We can't just let the settlement burn," Arat muttered after a moment. "We have to do something ..." 

"Do you have something fucking in mind?" 

Arat and Simon turned quickly to see Negan standing a short distance away. 

Arat swallowed and bowed her head. 

"Boss, we ... Gathering information ..." 

"Shut up," Negan hissed. "Do you know where he is, and do you want to keep it a secret ?!" 

,, Boss, please! I know it's a lot, "Arat snapped, trying to say quickly everything she had on her mind." But it's a whole new settlement. We don't know what resources they can have. It's ... crazy to just go in there and destroy everything ! " 

Negan leaned closer. Arat couldn't look him in the eye. 

"Who's in charge here?" 

"I just wanted to ..." 

"Who's in charge here ?!" 

"You, boss," Arat whispered. 

"Fucking good. So if I want, I'll go there and kill whoever I meet. And you won't tell me what to do, or I'll fucking make sure you never say anything damn again. " 

Arat swallowed a frightened whimper. She didn't want to show fear. But after seeing what Negan did on Hilltop ... 

,,Simon? Can you tell me what we know? Or will you join Arat here? " 

Simon nodded quickly and walked over to the table where the map lay. Arat hoped Negan would leave. But as he walked past her, she felt he stop right next to her. 

"This was the last time," Negan growled menacingly. "Lie to me one more time, and I'll stab your head on the main gate. Do you understand?" 

Arat nodded quickly. 

,,Say it! Aloud!" 

"Yes, boss...” 

"Good," Negan nodded, patting Arat on the shoulder. "Now come with me and tell me everything you know." 

Arat nodded again, praying that she could finally breathe.


	29. Chapter 29

Arat knew that. Once Negan saw the Kingdom's position on the map, Arat knew exactly what would follow. 

"Okay ... We'll put the trucks together and hit the road. It will be dark soon, they will not wait. " 

Simon didn't seem to mind. But Arat could not remain silent. 

"Boss ... Can I suggest something?" 

Negan sighed irritably and turned to Arat. 

,,What?!" 

Arat gathered the last of her courage and raised her head. 

"Give me a day. I'll go there and find out what those people mean. Maybe it can be solved without a fight! " 

"Since when are you such a pacifist, huh?" 

"If a fight breaks out, they may want to use Carl as insurance to escape," Arat said. "They know he is important to us. We don't know how many there are, what weapons they have, we know almost nothing. ... We don't know what their loyalty to Grimes is. I doubt their leader will want to sacrifice the entire settlement and his people just for Grims and his war against us. Maybe they could cooperate. " 

"Boss, you know I'm with you. But what Arat says sounds reasonable, "Simon said carefully, and Arat turned to him in surprise. 

"Our people did not find out anything about the settlement. They can be armed to the teeth. Maybe they have access to food. Our people saw greenhouses. They even have horses. This can be an important place. In addition, it is on the edge of an area we control. If we can set up a base there, we can expand our influence. " 

Negan stared at them both for a moment. Arat couldn't read what he might think. 

"Okay," Negan nodded at last. "You can try. You'll take Simon with you, because he seems to be such a big fan of your plan. Take some more people. Two cars. We'll be in touch. You have twelve hours. If you won't be able to get Carl out by then, my plan is valid. " 

That sounded suspiciously reasonable. Arat nodded. Simon seemed no hesitant and immediately went outside. Arat wanted to follow him, but Negan stopped her. 

"If you don't get Carl out or he'll die because of you, don't come back, okay? I will hunt you down and kill you. " 

Arat nodded and left shakily. 

In the end, Negan seemed to really love Carl. Although Arat would be damn appreciative if it was less violent. 

She had to find the boy. Because Arat couldn't imagine a place to hide from Negan. 

Arat was finally able to calm her nerves a few miles from the Sanctuary. 

"Do you have a plan?" 

Arat grinned and shook her head. 

"Nothing. But we have to get him back. " 

"I've talked to people," Simon said after a moment's silence. "I've been finding out what they think ..." 

,,And what?" 

"I was amazed at how many people were willing to sign up for this mission. There is no profit for them. After all, we are raiders, not diplomats. But the boy seems to be more popular than he thought. " 

"Probably everyone hopes that when he returns, he can tame Negan a little," Arat sighed. 

"Do you think he's alive?" 

,,He must be." 

"It's all fucking useless," Simon sighed. "Have you seen John?" 

"I went to seehim in the infirmary, yesterday," Arat nodded. 

John was the one who told them what had happened. It seemed that even though the kidnappers took Carl and the car, John was useless to them. According to Arat, this was already clear evidence that it was not aimed at the Saviors, but at Negan. John was quite beaten up, but he still managed to go back and warn them. He was a tough guy. 

"Okay, enough whining. We have to come up with something. Plan?" 

"I don't know ... We'll find Ezekiel, introduce ourselves, threaten him a little?" 

"Um ... That would work ... Okay, we'll stick to this plan. Above all, we need to find out where Carl is. " 

Arat just nodded and leaned back in her car seat. 

It all sucked. 

In other circumstances, Arat might admire the Kingdom a little. It was a nice settlement. Greenery, gardens, well-kept houses. Horses. Arat used to ride horses when everything was fine. She would not mind repeating it. 

But they weren't here for the horses. 

"Okay, I'll do it," Simon told the group, which had gathered around two cars. 

"Remember, we must not start a fight unless it is really necessary. If we scare them, it could kill Carl. Clear?" 

People around nodded and began to prepare their weapons. 

Arat tried to act as calmly as she could. But Simon seemed to recognize it. 

"Calm down," he muttered, handing her the rifle. "You look like a wreck." 

"Are you surprised?" Arat snapped, checking her rifle and magazine. 

"If you keep looking like this, it will be sooner than later," Simon said. 

"Get the hell together. We do this all the time. They must not see weakness. Are you weak? " 

,,I'm not!" 

"Then stop looking like that. They know us, I bet they've heard of us. " 

"I know, damn it. Reputation and image. " 

Simon nodded again and patted Arat tightly on the back. 

"That's what I wanted to hear. Let's save the boy, deliver him to Negan's bedroom, and then we'll get drunk. " 

That sounded good. So Arat nodded for the last time. She had to do it. Concerns about Carl had to go away now. 

Their arrival seemed to be heard. When they reached the gate, a tall man with dreadlocks stood between the open wings of the gate, surrounded by other people. Some had spears in their hands, some rifles. 

"I've been waiting for you much sooner," said the man with the dreadlocks. 

It was clear to Arat that it must have been their leader, Ezekiel. 

"We're here for information," Simon said, stopping a few feet from the gate. 

Arat had to admire how diplomatically Simon could sound when necessary. 

Ezekiel also seemed a little surprised by the approach, apparently expecting to start firing right away. 

"Speak," Ezekiel finally nodded. 

"We want our member back. We have the will to do it all without violence. " 

People around Ezekiel looked at each other. 

,, Saviors, and without violence? We know what you did on HIlltop! ”shouted one of the men beside Ezekiel. 

"The people at Hilltop were given a choice, just like you," Simon replied calmly. "They worked with Grimes and the people of Alexandria. When they had a choice, they chose to fight. And they lost." 

Arat suppressed a cold grin. She knew full well that no one on Hilltop had a choice. Negan raced through the settlement like a tornado and killed. When he found out that this was not where Carl was imprisoned, he killed the rest of the people, probably just for fun and revange. 

"Is it a threat?" Ezekiel asked directly. 

"It's a warning," Simon corrected him. "If you give us our member back, we'll leave in peace and nothing will happen." 

"And if we don't?" 

The mood thickened in a second. The Saviors around Simon grabbed their rifles. Arat was not left behind. If Carl was really here, she was willing to reach him through to dead bodies. Better them than her. 

Simon smiled. It wasn't a nice smile. 

"More of us will come. And Negan will come with them. " 

Arat always admired the power of Negan's name. It was enough to say it and watch as people began to look at each other with apprehension in their eyes. She had to admire Ezekiel. He tried to keep a cool face. But Arat saw the flash of fear in his eyes. 

"So a threat," said the man beside Ezekiel. "Do you think we're afraid of you? You're just a bunch of fucking raiders!" 

"Calm down, William," Ezekiel said. 

Then he turned to Simon. Arat prayed, literally prayed, for the man to make sense. 

"So you're saying that if we give you the boy, you're just leaving? You have to understand that it's hard to believe. " 

"We're only here for him." 

Ezekiel watched them in silence for a moment. 

"Why are Saviors looking for a boy at all?” 

"Disgusting," William spat. 

"He's with us voluntarily.” 

"We're wasting time here," William said. 

Arat sighed. She had no idea who the guy was, but she already knew he was an idiot. 

"I don't think we can help you," Ezekiel said at last. "You should go."


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The jubilee 30th chapter is here! Thanks to everyone for all the beautiful comments and kudos. Love you guys!

"We tried," Simon shrugged as they returned to the cars, watching the main gate close behind Ezekiel and his men. "But at least now we know Carl is here ..." 

Arat leaned against the car. She hoped it would turn out differently. But you have to be realistic. 

"Yeah ... I'll call Negan ..." she nodded, looking at the settlement. 

But then she noticed something. 

"The fence isn't very high," she said thoughtfully, nodding to Kingdom. 

Simon turned. Several people around did the same. 

,,What do you mean?" 

"Do we still have ... how many? Five hours? It will be dark in an hour. I haven't seen many people outside. " 

"According to the others, there are about fifty." 

Arat nodded thoughtfully. It wouldn't be the first time she'd sneak in without leaving corpses behind. 

Simon seemed to realize what Arat was up to. 

"Do you want to come in?" 

Arat nodded. 

"I can find where Carl is. If I can get him out, or at least be with him when Negan breaks in, I'll keep them from used him as hostages. " 

Simon was silent for a moment. 

"We can try it..." 

,,Good. Go away, make it look like we're gone. I'll wait nearby. Tell Negan. And try not to shoot me, "Arat added with a laugh and took spare bullets from the car. 

"Okay, you heard her! We are going!" 

Carl was cold. It must have been hours since the sun set. Carl was tired to death, but he still couldn't sleep. The room in which they kept him was in the basement of one of the houses. So he could have dreamed of heating. The blanket he received was thin and torn. Carl eventually used it as a pillow to give him at least some comfort. 

He thought a lot about what lay ahead. It's been days, slow, painful. Carl felt a lot of pain during his life. But the daily visits of William and his interrogations drained him of life. 

The guy deserved the worst. Carl ignored most of the interrogations William's questions and imagined what he would like to do to him if he had the chance. 

But he could barely get that chance. The handcuffs, which he received immediately upon arrival, took care of that. His wrists were already torn and raw. 

The cellar door suddenly opened. Carl sat up quickly. No one ever came to him at night. 

Carl saw an unknown woman in a few seconds. He had never seen her. The woman walked slowly inside, her eyes wide, staring at Carl. Carl wanted to say something. He didn't understand what was going on, why the woman was staring at him in such horror. 

Suddenly, two arms wrapped around the woman's neck and broke her neck with one sharp jerk. The body fell to the ground with a rumble, and Carl saw Arat. 

"Shit," Carl laughed. "Is that you?" 

"Damn, you're alive," Arat breathed visibly and ran to the cell. "Are you okay?" 

Carl was grateful that it was quite dark in the cellar. He knew he must have looked awful. 

"I live ... How ... How did you get here? I didn't hear the alarm, nothing ... " 

"The alarm will come," Arat nodded and walked to the door. "Negan's on way. Come on, I got the key. We have to get you out of here, now." 

Arat was too fast for Carl. As they walked through the house where he was being held, Carl saw more dead bodies in the darkness. Arat kept urging him to speed up, but Carl could barely stand. Eventually, they managed to get out just as a loud explosion erupted from the main gate. 

"We have to get you to Negan, fast," Arat muttered, grabbing Carla tightly around his waist to keep him on his feet. 

,,Why? What's going on? ”Carl asked, confused. 

Did something happen to Negan? But Arat said Negan was coming! 

Arat shook her head and pushed Carla forward. 

"Negan went crazy. He's been out of his mind since you disappeared! " 

Carl could only laugh at that. Negan? The one who told him he was a whore? 

"I doubt it," Carl laughed, muffled, still feeling pain in his ribs. "Last time he made it clear to me what he thought of me and what value I had in his eyes. He's probably just angry that Rick fucked with him. " 

Arat laughed. And Carl didn't remember her laugh ever sounding so hysterical. 

,,Clearly. Tell that to the people at HIlltop. " 

"Why Hilltop?" 

"Negan thought you were there. You wasn´t. They're all dead now. " 

Carl opened his mouth to say something. Then he closed it again. 

"He ... Was he looking for me?" 

"God, you two are so fucking impossible," Arat growled, looking around quickly. 

There was gunfire at night. Some people were shouting. Carl also heard the roar of truck engines. 

"Come on, damn it, or I'll take you there in my arms!" 

"You could," Carl grinned. 

"Shut up and come faster!" 

Carl felt a sharp pain in his side. He was short of breath, sick. Arat dragged the donkey closer to the ongoing battle. They managed to bypass one of the large houses near the gate, gaining a view of the courtyard where the battle was raging. 

,,What do we do?! We can't just sit here! " 

Arat shook her head. 

,,We have to wait." 

"You should go help," Carl said with a little apprehension in his voice. 

"Not by mistake," Arat said, clutching Carl's arm tightly. "I have to keep you alive." 

"Aren't you very dramatic?" 

"Yeah, I'm dramatic. I don't want my head to be stabbed in the main gate, "Arat snapped, peering around the corner. 

Carl froze. What?! 

"Just go!” 

In the courtyard, the battle was in full swing. The locals hid in houses, while the Saviors used trucks to drive into the courtyard. And in the middle of it all was Negan. 

Carl felt it was an eternity he'd seen the man. He missed him. He would lie if he said otherwise. And Negan looked so good. Armed, leading his people to victory. 

And then, through the shooting and shouting, Carl heard the sound of a bell. The sound said nothing to Carl. But the locals' shooting suddenly stopped. And Ezekiel came out of one of the houses, his hands high above his head. 

"We're giving up!" He shouted aloud at the Saviors. "Stop firing!" 

Carl looked in shock at Arat, who just shrugged. 

Negan stepped out from behind one of the trucks, a rifle in his hand. 

,,Come here!" 

Ezekiel stepped forward. Carl saw William trying to pull him back into the house, but Ezekiel broke free and went forward. 

The Saviors formed a line around Negan. Carl felt a strange shiver as he watched the scene. 

"We should go there," Arat muttered. 

Carl nodded and got to his feet with Arat's help. 

As they both got closer to the courtyard, it was as if time froze. Some Saviors aimed their weapons at them before realizing who they were really aiming for. Arat didn't seem to want to wait for anything and literally dragged Carl forward. 

She saw it. The exact moment Negan turned to see Carl. 

Negan seemed to forget everything about him. His gaze was fixed on the younger man, who staggered toward him and literally fell into his arms. 

Arat didn't hear what the two were saying. She didn't want to hear it. She saw the affection, the adoration. It was something so atypical, not belonging to such a world. But also beautiful. 

It took a moment for the couple to separate. Carefully, Arat stepped closer and stood beside Negan. 

"More orders?" 

Negan carefully took Carl's face in his hands and examined him. Except in the light of the trucks, Arat could see how beaten Carl looked. Simon seemed to be right - they interrogated him. 

"I'm fine," Carl said wearily. "Just bruises ..." 

Negan seemed not at all satisfied with that answer. He completely ignored the question Arat asked him and continued to check. 

"Fuck ... Which one was it?" 

And at that moment, something happened that Arat hadn't expected for anything in the world. 

Carl began to cry. 

Arat never saw the boy cry. Even when the others mocked him. Even when he was in pain. Even when he thought Negan had left him. The boy fought until the last minute. But here he was, in Negan's arms, shaking with sobs. 

"He said he'd hurt me," Carl said, trying to breathe. "He ..." 

"Shh," Negan whispered, hugging Carl tightly again. "Tell me who it was. I'll take care of it." 

Arat didn't like how sweet and calm it sounded. 

Carl pulled away from Negan a little and looked around. Arat waited to point to Ezekiel, who was kneeling nearby. But Carl pointed to William, the man they had seen at the gate. 

In a few seconds, William found himself kneeling beside his leader. He tried to swell, but a few blows from the Saviors who dragged him forward brought him to the ground. 

"Wait here, okay? I'll make sure he doesn't do anything to you "Negan smiled coldly, stroking Carla's cheek one last time. 

As Negan headed forward for the kneeling man, Arat turned to Carl. Perhaps she intended to be by his side to make him feel safe. But Carl didn't look scared. 

Carl smiled. His cheeks glistened with tears, but his eyes were clear and full of the madness Arat had only seen in Negan. He watched as Negan knocked William to the ground with one strong blow, a smile that did not leave his face. 

Aart looked at Simon, who gave her back a worried look. 

This was not good. But now was not the time and place to deal with it. 

Carl sat down on a wooden box and pulled the leather jacket closer to Negan, which Negan had left around his shoulders. Arat was still at his side, as Negan had ordered her. 

Negan himself continued to massacre another nameless man from the Kingdom while their leader, kneeling a short distance from them, watched. 

It was a common practice. And from the way the man just screamed and begged, she was still effective. 

,,Please! Let them be! I will do anything!" 

Negan struck the corpse on the ground for the last time with a bat and turned to Ezekiel. 

"Do you think you have a right to beg ?! Do you think there's anything you can offer me? " 

"I'll tell you where Grimes is!" 

Negan laughed out loud. 

"Don't worry about Grimes! You'll take me to him soon! But you will pay first! You will pay for every fucking day my boy was gone! " 

Arat heard Carl laugh softly. God, the two were so crazy together... Arat couldn't guess if this could have ended well.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling! So many feelings!

The way back was quiet. Carl saw it - Negan was tense. 

Negan had hardly spoken since they left the Kingdom. Carl was also silent. It was still as if he couldn't believe it. 

Negan returned for him. He did not leave him, as everyone had tried to lie to him. 

It could only have been a few days since Carl had been gone. But Negan looked so much older. Tired, shaken. 

It was a strangely warm feeling to know that Negan was so worried about his disappearance. 

Once in the Sanctuary, Arat was determined to drag Carl to the infirmary. But Carl refused with thanks. Now he just wanted to be with Negan. So he left them all behind and headed straight for Negan's room. 

He managed to get into the shower when he heard the bedroom door open. 

Running water was definitely one of the things Carl missed. No one in prison was bothered with his hygiene, and over time, when he did not answer their questions, the frequency of food decreased. 

Carl washed his face with a sigh, reluctantly watching the mixture of dirt and blood that stained the flowing water. 

Disgusting. 

When Carl finally got out of the shower and into the bedroom, he found Negan standing by the window. At first glance, it was clear to Carl that something was wrong. 

Carl sat carefully on the bed. 

,,What's happening?" 

Negan shook his head and sighed. After a moment of silence, the older man headed for Carl. 

To Carl's amazement, Negan knelt slowly in front of Carl and rested his head on his knees. Carl automatically placed a palm on Negan's head and stroked his hair. 

"I thought I lost you," Negan whispered after a moment's silence. 

Carl hated how broken it sounded. 

"I'm here," Carl said as convincingly as he could, running his fingers through Negan's hair. 

Negan sighed again and gripped Carl's other hand tightly. The grip hurt a little, but Carl was silent. 

"I wanted to find you faster," the older man muttered after a moment of awkward silence. "I ..." 

"It's okay," Carl shook his head. "I ... I was hoping you'd come for me," Carl admitted. 

Negan jerked his head up and looked into Carl's eyes. 

"I would find you anywhere." 

Instead of answering, Carl leaned in for a kiss. 

It was as familiar as returning home. And yet different than before. 

There was no fury that Carl had felt so many times. It was strangely tender. 

Carl let himself be laid on his back while Negan lay down next to him. 

"Does it hurt?" Negan asked softly as his fingers ran lightly over his bruised face. 

It hurts. After all. he got so many hits that he couldn't count them. But Carl hated the worry Negan had written on his face, and he didn't want to bother the man anymore. 

"I'm fine," Carl smiled. "It's all right now ..." 

"I'll make them pay for it," Negan muttered darkly, looking at the bruises on Carl's face. 

"Because I'm your boy?" Carl joked. 

"Fuck yeah," Negan growled. "You're my boy. And no one, no one will fuck with you." 

"Neither do you?" 

Negan laughed a little, and Carl finally saw a little of the old Negan from whom he had been torn. 

"I'm an exception ..." 

"You really are," Carl laughed, leaning his head against a soft pillow. 

God, how he missed the bed! Not just a dirty blanket on the floor. He became too comfortable. 

"What's next, huh?" 

,,What do you mean? Grimes? " 

That would be a topic, too, but Carl had other things on his mind now. 

"No, it's not ... I mean ... What's going to happen to us?" 

Negan pulled away a little, clear concern in his eyes. 

,,What do you mean?" 

Carl didn't want to spoil the moment. Negan was so ... tender. Carl seldom saw him like that. But there were things that burned in his mind and he just had to say them. He had to be sure. 

"Before ... Before they took me away, we had ... A talk, remember?" 

Negan nodded slowly. Carl didn't like the way his gaze became guarded. 

"I don't want to live like this anymore," Carl snapped, nervously gripping the edge of his pillow. 

"I don't want to be afraid you'll pick someone else one day. I ... I've been thinking a lot about us. I want to be clear ... " 

"Carl ... Fuck, I know that last argument ... It was my fault. I liked the little game we had ... But then I realized when you left that it could be the end ... Damn, I hate it ... This talking about feelings ... But you have to know, Carl ... 

Carl blinked in surprise. He was expecting everything. But Negan admitting his mistakes? 

,,What..." 

"I thought you left," Negan snapped. "I barely saw you that week, and then you said you left with that bastard and didn't come back ..." 

And then it suddenly occurred to Carl. 

"Did you think I left you with John?" 

"This is fucking pathetic," Negan muttered. 

Carl had to laugh. God, it was pathetic, yes. But it was much better than Carl had hoped. 

"You were jealous, weren't you?!" 

,,I am not jealous!" 

"So you understand me already?" 

"Fuck that ... Yeah, I know ... I'll take care of it tomorrow. I'll send them away, whatever you want...” 

Carl blinked in surprise. Did Negan really mean it? Will he finally send those pseudo wives away? 

"I ... I didn't expect that," Carl admitted quietly. "But what will you do without your wives? Didn't you think they were important?" 

"Fuck it," Negan murmured. "They were just here for sex anyway ... I ... I'd like to have only you here ..." 

Carl felt for a moment that he might still be in prison, and all this was dream. Since when has Negan been so talkative about his feelings? Usually he covered it all up with a wave of his hand and a vulgar remark. 

"I don't think I want to be your wife," Carl grinned. "You've had enough of your wives to rest of your life." 

Negan seemed to want to object immediately. It was clear to Carl that he probably saw it as a rejection. So Carl raised his hand and silenced him with his palm. 

"I'd rather ... You know, I'm a boy," Carl grinned. "I can't, and really don't want to be, your wife ..." 

"Um ..." Negan murmured, leaning closer with a slight smile. "So you'd rather be a husband?" 

Carl shrugged, as if it didn't really matter. His heart certainly didn't beat about a thousand beats per second, no no. 

"It's been a long time since I've seen anything like this, but I feel like they have to ask each other ... And so on. You must have seen it with someone ... " 

"Don't worry, I was married," Negan snorted with a smirk. "I know the shit around." 

Carl wanted to argue that their relationship was not shit. But then he realized what he had actually heard. 

"Were you married?" 

Negan nodded, and Carl noticed his gaze become a little distant, as if remembering. 

"Before all this happened ... She was an exceptional woman. Absolutely perfect. But ... I didn't treat her well ... I didn't deserve her. She's gone now. Even when she died and she became ... that thing ... I couldn't take care of her. I was a coward ... " 

"There's nothing cowardly about it," Carl said, taking Negan's hand. "I know it's hard ..." 

,,What do you mean?" 

This was not exactly what Carl wanted to deal with. But he found it important to tell him. 

"Remember how I told you about Judith and mom? How did she die in childbirth? " 

,,Yeah..." 

"When Judith was born, they took her away. We knew that mom was dying and that ... That she would become the thing. I stayed there with her until the end ... And when it came, I shot her ... " 

Negan was silent. It's been a long time. 

"Wait ... how the fuck were you old? And where was Grimes! " 

Carl grinned. Rick. He still doesn't know where he was. 

"I have no idea where he was. I didn't see him outside when I came out ... How old... Well, Judith will be about three years old. So three years ago. Actually, I don't know how old I am anymore, "Carl added with a laugh. 

Unfortunately, that was true. Still in the camp, with their mother and their first group, people had an overview of what day and month it was. But now, after all they've been through ... Maybe sixteen? It probably didn't matter. 

"That's such a bastard," Negan said angrily. "How could he leave you there alone?" 

"It doesn't matter now," Carl said. "I just ... I want you to know that I understand this. I know how hard it is. She ... Her name was Lucille, didn't she?" 

Negan blinked in surprise. 

Carl laughed, nodding his head at the bat, which was resting near the bed. 

"You can barely get the thing out of your hand. And who would name a bat. I knew it was an important name for you ... " 

,,Does it bother you?" 

Carl shook his head. He could be jealous of all the whores Negan kept for his pleasure. He would kill each of them a thousand times, just to have Negan to himself. But he knew that true love was something else. And this woman was long dead. He himself wouldn't want Negan to forget about him if something happened to him. And in this world, this threat was an everyday thing. 

"No ... If you really liked her, I understand. But naming a bat with which you beat people after her is a little weird, "Carl added teasingly. 

"Heh, I thought it was a good idea then," Negan admitted. 

But then he became serious. 

"You know I would do anything for you, don't you?" 

"And me for you," Carl nodded. 

Negan shook his head and rubbed his face. 

"Fuck, why are you so ..." 

Carl raised an eyebrow questioningly. 

,,Yes?" 

"So perfect," Negan breathed. "I have that feeling again ... Like with her ... That I don't deserve you ..." 

"No, you don't deserve me," Carl laughed softly. "Because you're an old stubborn bastard. But I don't want to be anywhere but here, with you ..." 

Carl found himself in a firm embrace. It was like returning home. 

I want to take care of you tonight ... " 

"And how exactly?" Cark asked curiously. 

Negan pulled away a little, grinned dirtyly and got to his knees. 

"Don't worry, you'll like it ..."


	32. Chapter 32

Massage. 

Carl never got one. Of course, sometimes someone massaged his shoulder when he was injured. But it was never a massage he had known in the past. In fact, Carl couldn't even imagine the opportunity. 

But this seemed like a perfect moment. 

Carl had no idea how much time had passed. He just lay on his stomach in all those soft blankets and pillows, while Negan seemed to be trying to massage his soul out of him. And he was doing damn well. 

"Damn ... Where did you learn that!" 

"I can't tell you all my secrets," Negan laughed, and after a while Carl felt more oil appear on his back. It smelled like vanilla and Carl just closed his eyes again. 

You could get used to this. Who else but Negan should have vanilla-scented massage oil in the middle of the apocalypse. 

Carl grunted contentedly as Neganoy's fingers slid slowly down his spine, washing away all the tension he'd felt in recent days. But when Negan's hands reached his hips, the movement stopped. 

"Damn ... You're making it hard for me ..." 

Carl had to grin. 

"Won't you continue lower?" 

,,Are you sure?" 

Carl loved this gentle Negan side. It was like finding a treasure in the middle of hell. The man was obviously not used to showing this side to anyone at all, and Carl was fascinated that he was honored with the privilege. 

But now, now he would like back old Negan. And so, with sudden confidence, Carl rolled onto his back and leaned on his elbows. 

"Is it too fast for you?" Carl asked with false naivete. 

Carl saw it. Despite all the gentle touches and words, he saw the hunger in Negan's eyes. It was dark, scary, and Carl wanted to be absorbed in the last part. 

"I think you promised me something ..." 

Negan leaned closer slowly. Carl literally heard his own heart beating against the race. 

,,Yes? And what was that supposed to be? " 

"You said that next time ... Next time you wouldn't finish until I was wet and used ..." 

Carl planned other things he could say to force Negan into action. But when he found himself crushed on the bed, the other plans disappeared. 

"How can you be so slut," Negan growled, kissing Carla roughly. "I wanted to treat you nicely. But you don't want that, do you?" 

Carl shook his head. He enjoyed the care and the tender side. But that was not why he fell in love with Negan. 

"Tell me ... Tell me what you want ..." 

"You," Carl moaned as he felt Negan's teeth grip the delicate skin of his neck. 

Carl knew that usually Negan would want to hear more. He enjoyed it. But now it seemed that Negan, too, had reached a point where he had no more patience. 

Carl thought about that moment. Maybe too often. Negan wasn't always in the lead role, he had to admit. A few times, very few, he could imagine John there. 

But now, Carl couldn't imagine anyone else. That was just right. 

Negan was so much bigger. His body almost crushed Carl into bed as the older man deftly got between Carl's thighs. But Carl barely noticed. The only thing he felt were Negan's fingers, slowly sliding down. 

"Do you really want that?" 

Carl laughed breathlessly. 

,,What? Now will you tell me that you will stop whenever I want? " 

But Negan just shook his head. 

"I wouldn't stop now," he growled, kissing Carla again. 

Carl was literally lost in the kiss. And then he felt it. The tip of Negan's finger began to push in as Carl closed his eyes tightly. It was different. It was more, not as hesitant as when he did it himself. 

"Damn, you're so tense," Negan breathed. "Let me in ..." 

Carl nodded, trying to relax as best he could. God, it was here. Finally, after weeks of waiting and hoping ... 

"Yeah, that's it ..." 

Carl groaned loudly as he felt the tip of Negan's finger rub against ... something! Carl had no idea what it was, but it was the best he had ever felt. 

,,There! Damn .... " 

"Are you enjoying it?" Negan asked teasingly as his other finger stuffed next to the first. "Can you come like this? Just from my fingers in your little hole?" 

Carl had no idea. God, he never tried it! But when Negan began to tease the magical place again, Carl was willing to believe it. 

"Come on, come on, Negan whispered, licking a wide strip across Carl's sweaty chest. ,,I want to see you." 

And Carl came. It was as if lightning had struck him. When he finally regained consciousness, he could barely say anything, and Negan literally silenced him with another kiss. 

"I need you," Negan moaned. "Now ..." 

Carl nodded dully. It was a moment shortened by another hot kiss. Negan's hands gripped Carl's hips tightly. And then he finally felt it. 

Two fingers could never adequately prepare him for Negan's dick. As Negan began to push in without waiting, Carl didn't stop the painful scream. It was too much! 

"I know," Negan muttered for another kiss. "Hold on, just a moment ..." 

Carl nodded, believing Negan's words. The pain didn't go away, but as Negan's dick ran over the magic place, the pain mingled with the excitement of the strangest cocktail. A low moan came from his mouth. But Negan heard it. 

"You like it, don't you?" He growled, pressing his hips against Carl's again. "It hurts, but you still want more ..." 

Carl had no idea what he wanted. He had no idea if he would be able to say that. His mind was almost paralyzed by a flurry of new feelings that allowed him only another moan. Maybe it was just what Negan told him. 

"Fuck ... Negan, please!" 

"What, hm?" What you want?" 

"More," Carl gasped. 

And so Negan pushed one last time until Carl felt his hips on his. 

"I knew it," Negan muttered passionately. "I knew you'd feel so fucking good." 

And then it was all blurry for Carl. Negan's movements escalated. And Carl was shocked to realize he was hard again. 

"Fuck," Negan muttered with a smirk. "Are you coming a second time? Just from my dick?" 

Carl had no idea. But as it all went on, Carl felt it coming. 

"Negan ...," Carl moaned breathlessly. "I'm ... Close ..." 

A few more moves were enough when Carl came a second time. He barely realized that Negan himself had come inside him with a deep moan. 

"Damn," Carl said after a moment's silence. 

Negan lay down next to him. Carl didn't see him, but he could literally hear the vain smirk Negan must have had on his face. 

,,I told you. We should have done it a long time ago. " 

"If I did, I'd end up like one of your whores." 

Negan just waved. 

"That's the past ... They'll be gone tomorrow, to the last one." 

Carl nodded. Yes, that was what he wanted. But suddenly, as if something was missing. It was as if the victory had lost its luster. 

And the silence seemed to attract Negan. 

,,Is something wrong?" 

Carl turned to face Negan. The man looked even better than usual after sex. It was so unfair! 

"No ... Just ... I've been waiting for this ... Maybe since I came back. And here it is." 

"Don't worry, I get it," Negan grinned. "Sex with me is just something extra ..." 

"I'm not talking about that," Carl snorted amusedly. "I don't really know what's going on ... I guess it won't be anything ..." 

Negan stared at Carl for a moment, as if thinking of something. 

"Maybe you should take care of the relocation of my ex-wives, what do you say?" I think they will literally be thrilled to death from your presence ... " 

Carl laughed. Yeah, he could do that ...


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, dear friends, we are at the end! Thank you all for the beautiful comments and support throughout the writing!

Arat didn't feel that the day should be special. After all, most things were as they should be. Carl was back at Negan, the two soon leaving. Arat had no illusions about what they had to do at night. 

But she wished it. Arat knew how patient and persistent Carl had to be to get to Negan. 

So everything was fine. Arat stopped for breakfast in the dining room, talked to several people, and planned a plan in her head to track down Dwight and Grimes. Carl was more than willing to provide a description of how Dwight helped with the abduction. And Arat wasn't naive to think that Negan wouldn't want to punish the man in person. 

Perhaps Arat was surprised when she heard a woman screaming from the courtyard at the gate on her way to find Simon. 

Once she arrived, the illusion of a normal morning vanished. 

The whole situation was dominated by Negan's wives, who stood at the gate. Some stood on their feet, two sat on the ground. Almost everyone was crying. Carl stood not far from them. And nearby Negan. 

"What's going on?" Arat asked hesitantly, coming closer to Negan. 

Negan just waved with a smile and nodded at the group of women. 

,,Migration! I wanted to do it myself, but Carl made it clear yesterday that he wanted to take care of it himself. " 

"You can't do this!" Shouted one of the women, Arat not remembering her name. "We had a deal!" 

"The deal is over," Carl said firmly, a smile on his face. 

Arat recognized the smile. 

"This is not possible!" 

Arat expected an argument. It was clear to her that Negan had finally opted for Carl. And she was infinitely grateful for that. She probably couldn't stand any more drama. But Arat didn't quite expect Carl to pull out his gun and point it at the woman. 

"Last chance to leave." 

Arat looked at Negan. But he didn't look like he was going to intervene. He looked too proud of Arat's taste. 

The women looked at each other. Most of them began to leave after a few seconds of hesitation. Arat was a little relieved. At least most of them seemed a little sane. 

But not one. 

,, Negan! You promised our settlement protection, "said the woman in front of Carl. 

Negan just shrugged. 

"Unfortunately, dear, this doesn't seem to be under my direction." 

Arat saw Carl's smile widen. 

"Are you leaving?" 

"Do you think you're going to replace us?" The woman snapped hysterically. "Do you think he cares about you enough to-" 

The rest of the sentence disappeared in a loud shot. The woman's body fell to the ground and there was silence in the yard. Only now did Arat realize how many people stood nearby. 

Carl put the gun in its holster and walked over to Negan. 

"I expected it to get worse." 

"You're very convincing," Negan grinned, wrapping his arm around Carl's shoulders. "Come on, we have a lot of work to do ... Arat?" 

"Yes, boss?" 

"Get the cars ready. We're going to Alexandria. It's time for another collection. " 

Arat just nodded and watched in silence as the couple left. 

"What the fuck was that!" 

After a moment, Simon appeared beside Arat and looked skeptically at the corpse lying on the ground. 

Arat sighed and rubbed her face. This was too much shit for so early in the morning. 

"Negan seems to have fired his wives. Most went voluntarily. One no. She's lying there. " 

Simon shook his head. 

"Have you seen him? In the Kingdom? How did he start crying like a little boy? And Negan believed him. " 

Arat shrugged. 

"I think Negan sees what he wants ... Or what Carl wants ... Until it turns against us, I don't fucking care." 

"I hope so," Simon muttered. 

"Come on, we have the cars ready. Boss wants to go to Alexandria. " 

Carl was disappointed. So much. 

Alexandria went well. The Saviors got their things, the people around them were silent and obedient. After stockpiling, questions began to be asked about Rick and the rest of the people behind his abduction. 

Most people seemed all too willing to point in the right direction. Carl noticed with strange satisfaction that Glenn was one of them. He must have realized that having a wife and child was more important than Rick. 

The people eventually led them south from Alexandria. A few miles away was a place where Rick and people were supposed to hide in the woods after the attack on the Kingdom. 

Carl was skeptical. Of course, he wanted revenge and all those things. But running through a forest full of walkers and looking for Rick? They could be anywhere! Negan himself didn't look very excited about the possibility. 

"He's a bastard." 

"Yeah, that's what you said," Carl nodded, settling into his car seat. "But we have to find him." 

"It's too close to the border." 

"Borders?" 

Negan sighed. 

"As Saviors, we have the boundaries of our territory. Kingdom, for example, was behind them, so we didn't know about them. Hell yes, I like to push the boundaries further! But we don't know who's there. And drag your people into the unknown because of Grimes ... " 

Carl was glad Negan was worried about his people. It was nice. 

"Let's just look there. Let's take a look around the road. They should have cars! And if we don't find anything, we can leave and plan something else. " 

"You're all hot on it." 

,,You have promised me that!" 

"Yeah, I know, Dwight's head, just for you," Negan grinned. "What would I not do for you." 

"Thanks," Carl grinned. 

It was tens and tens of minutes. The cars slowed, and Carl looked around the surrounding woods for a hint of something familiar, a car, or people. 

The forest began to thin slowly. The road eventually led them to a crossroads, where the asphalt road turned into a dirt road. And there was a car on the edge. 

"Finally," Negan growled. "It's getting dark. You should stay here, just in case." 

"No, thanks," Carl said, reaching for the back seat for the rifle. 

Negan just sighed again and got out of the car. 

Carl knew they were outnumbered. But the forest was strangely quiet, there was no rumble of walkers. He felt bad about it. 

"Fuck this ... Something's wrong." 

Carl looked at Arat, who stood by his side the whole time. 

,,What do you think?" 

"This place ... Several our people haven't returned from here. That's why we left this place beyond our borders. At that time, we didn't have enough people to raid ... " 

"Another group?" 

"I don't know ... We've never seen anyone here. Our people just ... Disappeared ... " 

Carl swallowed. Sure, revenge was one thing. But he didn't want to lead people to some killing forest because of his whim! 

"Maybe we should go back," Carl said thoughtfully. "It's really weird ..." 

,,Here!" 

Carl turned in the direction of the scream, Simon's voice. Along with Arat and the others, Carl ran to the place, wondering what Simon had found. 

The rest of the group stood in a meadow behind the forest. It was dark, just a little light from the setting sun. But even so, Carl could see the long poles, stuck in the ground, as if forming an imperfect fence. 

And heads were pierced on several poles. 

Rick, Dwight, three others Carl didn't know by name. 

"Shit," Arat breathed. "What the fuck is ..." 

"Whisperers," said one of the Saviors, standing next to Simon. 

"You mean the fanatics who live in the woods and eat corpses?" 

Carl grinned. What?! 

Negan looked around and shook his head. 

"This is not good. Mark the place on the map and we'll get the fucking out of here. We don't have enough people or weapons here. " 

Carl was infinitely grateful for this plan. The whole group went back to the forest. But Carl had the feeling all along that someone was watching them along the way. 

,,What do we do?" 

In the safety of the car, on the way out of that awful place, Carl seemed to finally realize what he had actually seen. 

"I ... I don't know," Negan admitted. "Our problem is settled. But if the Whisperers are real, whoever the hell they are ... It doesn't look like a group willing to negotiate protection ..." 

Carl nodded and rested his head on the back. Maybe it would be worth finding out what the Whisperers are. 

"Do you still want to expand?" 

,,What do you mean?" 

Carl shrugged and looked at Negan. 

"If the Whisperers are real, it might be polite to introduce yourself to them. Personally..." 

Negan just laughed and put his hand on Carl's leg. 

"Why not, Carl, why the fuck not!"


End file.
